


Hands

by AislingShay



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Angst and Fluff and Smut, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Anxiety, Choking, Codependency, Consensual Underage Sex, Crying, Depression, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Fluff and Hurt/Comfort, Friends to Lovers, Grief/Mourning, Hurt Hinata Shouyou, Hurt Kageyama Tobio, Hurt Tsukishima Kei, Hurt Yamaguchi Tadashi, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, Implied/Referenced Underage Sex, M/M, Minor Character Death, Minor Hinata Shouyou/Kageyama Tobio, Minor Tsukishima Kei/Yamaguchi Tadashi, Minor Violence, Multi, Platonic Relationships, Possession, Possessive Behavior, Second-Year Au, Self-Harm, Songfic, Temporarily Unrequited Love, Tsukishima Kei & Yamaguchi Tadashi Friendship, Underage Drinking, Underage Sex, Violent Thoughts
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-11-15
Updated: 2021-03-06
Packaged: 2021-03-06 07:09:11
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Underage
Chapters: 11
Words: 66,903
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25869454
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AislingShay/pseuds/AislingShay
Summary: Kageyama always thought that he and Hinata were best friends and partners at everything but when Hinata starts skipping out on their hang-outs and spending more time with Tsukishima. He wonders what he did wrong and the idea that Hinata can't trust him for whatever he's hiding made his chest hurt. Kageyama then enlists the help of Yamaguchi to help find out what he's feeling and why Hinata and Tsukishima are all buddy-buddy now.Second Year AU
Relationships: Hinata Shouyou & Kageyama Tobio, Hinata Shouyou & Kageyama Tobio & Tsukishima Kei & Yachi Hitoka & Yamaguchi Tadashi, Hinata Shouyou & Tsukishima Akiteru, Hinata Shouyou & Yachi Hitoka, Hinata Shouyou/Kageyama Tobio, Hinata Shouyou/Tsukishima Kei, Kageyama Tobio & Yachi Hitoka, Kageyama Tobio/Yamaguchi Tadashi, Tanaka Saeko/Tsukishima Akiteru, Tsukishima Akiteru & Tsukishima Kei, Yachi Hitoka & Yamaguchi Tadashi, Yachi Hitoka/Yamaguchi Tadashi
Comments: 50
Kudos: 175





	1. Mr Brightside

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you so much for reading the first chapter of this fanfic. I'll try my best to update every Wednesday. I hope you enjoy and please leave a comment below. I'd like to get your opinion. 
> 
> Anyways, originally I was going to name this fanfic "Kageyama's Playlist for Shipping TsukiHina" but I found that it was a little too optimistic and so changed the name to "Hands." I might change the title again? Maybe not. Really depends. 
> 
> I put the rating as explicit just to be safe.  
> Ships: TsukiHina, KageHina, & YamaKage.

Chapter 1: Mr. Brightside

It was the first practice match of their second year and already Kageyama's nose was bleeding. He hadn't even meant to receive the ball with his face. One of the first years wasn't paying attention to the court and Kageyama wanting to be a reliable teammate and senpai pushed the first year out of the way unfortunately Kageyama wasn't fast enough to switch his position to a receiving one. The ball hit him smack in the face and he refused to acknowledge his nose was bleeding until Coach Ukai and Takeda-sensei forced him to sit at the bench to watch the practice match. 

He heard a snicker from the court. He didn't even have to look at the court to know who it was. His greatest enemy? Rival? Acquaintance? Frenemy? Study partner? Well he was hardly a rival nor a friend and Tsukishima would never openly say they have a sort of friendship going on; neither would Kageyama admit it. "Aww whatever happened to his majesty who would rather spike, receive, and set all by himself" That snarky sound of Tsukishima's voice only made him glare openly at him refusing to get bait into a battle of wits with Tsukishima. He can't say he hates him but he can't say he likes him either especially since Hinata and him have been getting along better than usual in volleyball and in their study groups. 

He watches Tsukishima block a spike with the tip of his finger from the enemy team and yell out "One-Touch." The ball gets received by Hinata perfectly like he predicted Tsukishima intentions from the start. Kageyama feels a pang of jealousy in his chest for some reason, that interaction between Tsukishima and Hinata doesn't go unnoticed by him, and he tries not to let it bother him. Especially when Hinata and Tsukishima fistbump each other, the knowing smiles between each other, and small whispers of praises between them that Kageyama can't hear. They're in their own world for a bit until it's Yamaguchi's turn to serve. 

He clenches his fist, he really wants to be on the court right now, he doesn't want to be the only one doing nothing, and maybe being on the court would distract him from seeing the way Tsukishima and Hinata interact with their new combo. He hates feeling helpless just because of a measly nosebleed. Wasn't it just months ago that he told Hinata he would be the one on the court longer. Now look at him, sitting on the bench because his dumbass of an underling wasn't aware of his surroundings. He was in a sour mood and with Yachi fretting over him every second his mood plummeted. He was close to losing it on her until Hinata popped up during his switch out time by Yachi's side, seeming to understand Kageyama's moods better than she could. Hinata shooed Yachi away, he gave Kageyama a worried look, and checked his nose. Kageyama tried not to wince when he felt Hinata's small calloused fingers on his nose, he tried not to look at Hinata's beautifully freckled face and small dimples, and he sure as hell tried not to blush by Hinata's closeness. Then he saw Hinata smile, it wasn't a fake one that he'd been giving lately, it was the genuine smile and it was directed at him, and Kageyama tried to keep his heart from beating too loudly. Lately, when he looks at Hinata he wants to hold his hand, he wants to monopolize him, and give him kisses. He wants to be the one who makes Hinata smile and a blushing flustered mess. He wonders if Hinata will sleep on the bus so that he can count the freckles on his skin without him noticing. Will he get to touch Hinata's soft hair while he dozes off on him? Will he get to feel the warmth of his body next to him again? Will Hinata smell like the orange body wash he uses after a shower? Or will he smell like sweat? Or will he smell like sunflowers?

He grabs his knees when he feels Hinata's hand touch his nose and a pain shoots up to his head. Hinata mutters a quick apology and applies a cold compress to his nose. "It's fine," Kageyama whispers. Kageyama enjoys the careful attention he receives from Hinata before Nationals Hinata would just tell him to suck it up yet ever since Hinata got sick and Karasuno lost. Hinata has been nothing but a doting mother towards everyone even for the kids on the enemy team. 

Kageyama has noticed the changes to his personality. Sure, Hinata still is an overly excitable ball of sunshine, and sure he had an endless amount of energy but somehow he managed to mellow down during the end of their first year. The changes were slow and subtle and with these changes it made Kageyama a mess now from how mature Hinata seems and it didn't bother Kageyama until their extra practice was cut short. At first, the excuses that Hinata gave him were enough to appease him but already a few weeks in, Kageyama felt as though Hinata was just plain lying to him which took Kageyama a long while to figure out he was being lied to, and it took a hit to Kageyama's self-esteem. He tries not to think of the days of when his teammates at Kitagawa ditched him.

He always thought that he and Hinata were best friends and partners at everything and the idea that Hinata can't trust him for whatever he's hiding made his chest hurt. Kageyama couldn't sleep well at night because all he could think about was how much he lacked at being a friend to Hinata and as Hinata continued to skip their extra practice and hang-outs. He felt anger sliding into his heart and he wanted Hinata to know how he felt but he never knew how to voice it. He tried his best not to show it even when Hinata acted like nothing had changed. Kageyama found himself feeling lonely for the second time in his life whenever he walked home alone when their extra practice was canceled. It was one of those days where Hinata couldn't make it for lunch again and he really wanted to cry. He held them off for a while until finally hiding himself by one of the abandoned vending machines by the gym. Surprisingly Yamaguchi was the one he unexpectedly got help from as he was initially looking for Sugawara to ask advice on the matter but he was unavailable due to studying for the college entrance exam. 

Yamaguchi saw Kageyama brooding by the vending machines, it was one of those off-days where Tsuki went off somewhere alone, and he couldn't help but see how isolated Kageyama is. Typically Yamaguchi wouldn't try to get near him when he had the intimidating "get the hell away from me" barrier around him but he couldn't help it when he saw the way Kageyama was trembling which reminded him of when Tsukishima told him what happened with Akiteru. After a while of staring at Kageyama, he finally got the courage to stand in front of him, and ask Kageyama what was wrong. The angry glance that Kageyama gave him almost had him running to the hills yet he didn't. He saw how red and puffy Kageyama's eyes were, small sniffles were heard from the usually apathetic boy, and it made Yama heart drop to his stomach that he wondered who could have done something so terrible to get Kageyama to cry. He stood his ground though asking again until he broke through Kageyama's vulnerable shield. Kageyama confessed to Yams with great difficulty, not used to revealing so much about himself, especially to someone he considers only an acquaintance, and covering his face shly. 

"So you think Hinata-kun is hiding something from you and you want him to tell you what it is" Yamaguchi's soft voice soothed him, Kageyama looked up at him from where he was sitting by the vending machine, and it was now Kageyama that realized that maybe Yamaguchi was the best person to ask since he was friends with the socially inept asshole Tsukishima. "Yes," Kageyama said, nodding while doing so. He still doesn't know how Yamaguchi was able to translate Kageyama's stuttering and lack of words. "Why don't you ask him yourself what it is he is actually doing after practice Kageyama-kun?" Yamaguchi asked with a curious look on his face. "I. Well. I tried" Kageyama digs his nails into his palms and bites his cheek. "And he still won't tell you. Hmm." Yamaguchi sat himself down leaving a space in between them. 

"You know I get how you feel sometimes Kageyama." Yamaguchi brings his legs up to his chest and hugs them. He gives Kageyama a soft look till he sees him release his palm from the wrath of his nails. "When Tsuki and I became friends, I thought that it was the best thing in the world, and I thought you know we would tell each other everything, all our secrets and things like that you know. He was and still is my first friend" Kageyama gets a little closer to him, curious over the relationship between Tsukishima and Yamaguchi, his sniffling subsides, and he gives a small nod for Yamaguchi to keep going.

"But then junior high happened.. and well the thing that happened with his brother. He kept it a secret from me. It hurt a lot. It was like Tsuki changed overnight after that and Tsuki would say such terrible things. Whenever I tried to talk to him he would just ignore me. There were days after Volleyball practice I would cry because I thought Tsuki hated me. I thought he didn't care about me. I was still a kid back then so I didn't understand much of what I was feeling" Yamaguchi trembles at the memories as he whispers that last sentence and his eyes are glassy with unshed tears. Kageyama places an arm around his shoulder and pulls him closer trying his best to comfort him awkwardly. He doesn't blush when he looks at Yamaguchi which has him wondering what are the differences between his feelings for Yama and Hinata; he decides to file that question for later. 

Yamaguchi gives him a small smile and relishes in the closeness between them, not at all embarrassed by it, only a light blush on his cheeks. He knows that Kageyama has trouble with these kinds of things so says nothing of it instead he continues "Then one day I got fed up with it. I wanted an answer. Kami-sama I was so angry that day. I think I just was having a bad day because Tsuki's usual coldness made me really pissed. I pushed him against the wall and I yelled at him. All my bottled up feelings and questions and anger I let it out on him" he sighs after that. "And Tsuki being Tsuki fought back. He was shocked but he wasn't one to really take trash from anyone. You know how he is." Kageyama nods, listening intensely, and squeezes Yamas shoulder. "I said some things I regretted and he did too but I knew I was the one in the wrong. I pushed my feelings onto him and his buttons. We didn't talk for a week or so after that. I cried every night that week.. and whenever I saw him. I thought I lost him. I thought I lost my best friend because I wasn't able to bear the truth that he was keeping secrets from me.. then one day he came up to me and apologized. By the look on your face it looks like you don't believe me." Yama chuckled at Kageyama who scrunched up his face in disbelief. 

"I know he doesn't look it but Tsuki is a kind person under that shell of his.. Anyways after I apologized too while crying. I was a bit of a crybaby in my junior years.. we finally sat down somewhere and talked. I told him how I felt and he told me his secret. Knowing Tsuki, I think he thought that if he told me his secret that I would think less of him, and yet on the contrary I began to understand him more. I think that secret he was holding was eating him up on the inside and even now it still is but he's gotten better since Nationals. Well I hope so since now something else seems to be bothering him but I know he'll tell me when he's ready."

Kageyama processes the information but he still doesn't understand what Yamaguchi's point is. "I don't get it," he says. Yamaguchi replies to him letting out a sigh again "I thought so.. What I'm trying to say is. Don't push him to tell you the secret or what he's hiding. Just try to tell him how you feel calmly. If you push him too much the more defensive he'll get towards you and you guys might end up arguing and hurting each other. After the last argument you guys had I doubt you want the lack of communication to happen again." He sees Kageyama nod violently. "If you tell him how you feel about the lying and hiding then he might loosen up a bit and tell you what is going on. He might not tell you everything or maybe he will but it's always best to wait until he's ready. Maybe it's just hard for him because he considers you his best friend too and he doesn't want you to think badly of him." Yams smiles up to him and leans his head on his shoulder noting their height differences. 

He twiddles his fingers together says shyly "And remember Hinata isn't your only friend. I'm your friend too and you can talk to me about anything. I'll try my best to give you the best advice possible." Kageyama lightly blushes at the idea of Yams as his friend and he hardly even thought they were considering they don't do as much as Hinata and him. The hand on his shoulder gently squeezed him and pushed him closer. "Thank you Yamaguchi-kun. I'll try my best too. To um. Be your friend." Kageyama leans his head towards Yamaguchi suddenly feeling the weight of his worries falling off him. Yamaguchi places his hand carefully on top of Kageyamas. Kageyama was unphased by the hand holding and whispered "Is it okay if we stay like this?" Yamaguchi nods and they both fall into a comfortable silence until the first bell for lunch rings. 

The talk with Yamaguchi did the trick for him and now he confided in Yamaguchi more. They exchanged texts more often than not and had lunch together when Hinata and Tsukishima would disappear which was only once or twice a week. The other days of the week Kageyama tried to hide his feelings as best he could until he could properly say them to Hinata.

On those days he would stew in his own feelings he failed to see the dimming of bright orange hair and false smiles. He tried to keep his jealousy in a well hidden box in his chest whenever any of the senpais tried to invite Hinata somewhere, of course Hinata would refuse saying he had study sessions with Tsukishima or make up some sort of lie to get out of it which made all the worse.

Especially when just two weeks before spring vacation, he noticed Tsukishima waiting outside the school gates from where he was standing in front of the clubroom, and he felt betrayed when he saw Hinata run up to him. Hinata had just refused another extra practice with him. He watched them from the second floor and he couldn't help the envy crawling out of that box he's tried to keep locked up in his heart. Kageyama went down there to give Hinata a piece of his mind finally fed up with all the ditching but they were nowhere to be found. Was Hinata heading over to Tsukishima house? Was Tsukishima blackmailing Hinata? Why are they friends? What does Tsukishima have that he doesn't? Are they more than just friends? Is Hinata and him together? Does he visit Hinata at home? How long have they been going out together? Do they have sleepovers? Does Tsukishima sleep in the same bed together? Are they sleeping together? Scratch that last question, he doesn't want to think about it, and plus it wasn't as if they kissed or held hands in front of him or at school. All of these thoughts racing in his head, just make his stomach clench, and he decides to try his best to let the anger out on the poor innocent volleyballs. Paranoia slowly creeped out from the box.

_ That night he dreamt of Tsukishima's room and Hinata in the center of the bedroom softly calling out for Tsukishima. Kageyama was just an observer in this hazed world and he saw Hinata sitting down on Tsukishima lap; they were both naked and flushed. In Kageyama dream like state he imagined Hinata's beautiful face morphed into a lustful one and Tsukishima eyes shining in the moonlight a smirk across his lips directed at him, taunting Kageyama as he continues to hold Hinata, and thrusting up into him. It was like looking at a sculpture with Hinata's soft toned legs wrapped around Tsukishima waist, Hinata's arms latching around Tsukishima's neck, Tsukishima's arm behind Hinata's back and his hand gripping his shoulder roughly, and Tsukishima other arm wrapped around Hinata's waist holding his hips down. He hears Hinata let out such a gorgeous, animalistic sound, one he thought he might never be able to hear in real life, his mouth shaped into an "O" shape, and his head arched back with his eyes closed as Tsukishima holds him. Tsukishima towers over Hinata and Kageyama sees Tsukishima biting down on Hinata's neck. He stares at Kageyama continuing the abuse on Hinata's neck while Hinata's moans turn into gasps. Kageyama wanted so much to touch Hinata, he wanted nothing but to hear his name falling from Hinata's lips, and he wanted to be the one wrapped around Hinata. His hand reached out to touch Hinata and he almost did until Tsukishima slapped him. The glare from the fake Tsukishima eyes pierced through him, he felt as though he couldn't breathe, and in a flash it was fake Tsukishima with his hands around his neck. Fake Tsukishima hissing in his ears and squeezing his throat. "He's mine. He's mine. He's mine." Kageyama tried to pry him off him, he struggled as he looked into Tsukishima's eyes, and they were cold. Kageyama felt himself shaking and losing all the air in his lungs. Tears were forming as he felt himself falling.  _

He woke up with sweat dripping down his face, his body shaking as he put his hand to his throat making sure he wasn't actually attacked, and he felt wetness in his eyes. The tears roll down his eyes, he tries to catch his breath, and his mind scrambles to comprehend why his dreams were so messed up. He texts Yamaguchi for comfort, he wants to get a sense that he is no longer in the dream world, and he stays awake in bed till it's time to get ready for school.

The next day, Kageyama and Hinata had gotten into the second biggest fight of their first year, and Hinata made it a point to ignore him for a few days. Kageyama just wanted to know why, why was his best friend with that asshole who barely pays him any mind? Why was he with that asshole who insults every little mistake he makes? Why was he skipping out on their important practice to be with Tsukishima so willingly? Why won't Hinata tell him anything? Why wasn't he good enough anymore? All these questions were screaming in his mind. 

It wasn't until Yamaguchi had enough of the tension in the clubroom that everything was somewhat resolved with Kageyama and Hinata apologizing to each other. The rest of the year went without another argument, and they congratulated their third years. Kageyama spent his spring break with Yamaguchi, still feeling awkward with Hinata to even try hanging out with him. Kageyama wasn't one to pry but he wondered why Yamaguchi would bother with him instead of being with Tsukishima. When he asked, Yamaguchi only replied "Tsuki is just going through some stuff right now and he wouldn't want me to see him that way." Kageyama, satisfied with that answer, didn't bring it up. Kageyama wonders whether Tsukishima is actually spending all his vacation with Hinata. If Hinata and him are having sleepovers all the time. What are they hiding? 

At the start of their second year, things were almost back to normal, and Hinata brought Kageyama a pork curry bento everyday which had Kageyama blushing all the way to the tips of his ears. The bento was the best damn pork curry he ever had and he fully forgives Hinata after that but the itch was still there, to know what was really going on.

Kageyama is so busy in his thoughts that he barely pays attention to Hinata's chatter. "Hey! Are you listening to me Bakayama or do I have to yell?" "What Hinata-boke?" He tries to glare at Hinata but with his hand holding the compress on his nose it barely shows. He hears Hinata scoff and say "I said that you did a good thing back there for Hamada-kun" Kageyama tries his best not to blush, he really does, getting a compliment from Hinata lately has really made him a helpless guy, and so he digs the nails from his other hand into his knee pads. "It's nothing boke. You would have done the same." He turns his head to hide his face. He hears Hinata laugh light and airy and kami-sama does want to kill him today. "You're right I would have but at least I would have received it better than you." Kageyama's face turns red and he goes for the usual death grip on Hinata's head. Hinata merely dodges it, completely used to Kageyama antics by now, and continues laughing until the coaches tell them to shut up. Kageyama's mood gets better and he can now stand Yachi fussing over him because his nose may have started bleeding. It was worth it to get Hinata to smile at him. 

He watches Hinata on the court, he watches how low he gets when he receives, and he can't help but be in awe at how flexible Hinata is. The way he moves around on the court and how calculated his movements are even with the newbie setter they have. He tries not to only look at Hinata because as the team's official setter he should be looking at all his teammates and their weaknesses. He asks Yachi for his volleyball journal but the disapproving look on her face says it all. Now he has to force himself to remember his teammates' weaknesses and positives. He tries his best to focus on someone other than Hinata but to Kageyama he's just so exhilarating to watch. When Hinata is switched out for a first year, Kageyama is visibly pouting, and now he's forced to look at Tsukishima. 

Kageyama shivers as he looks at Tsukishima, he can just imagine the look on Tsukishima's face, his typical devilish smirk when he pulls something off, and he places his hand around his neck as if Tsuki might come at him but he knows it's impossible. Ever since that dream he had of Hinata and Tsukishima, he's felt even more possessive towards Hinata, he tried to garner all of Hinata's attention for himself even going as far as walking him everywhere, and he tried everything to keep him away from Tsuki yet he would fail ⅔ of the times and as for Tsukishima there was this fear in the back of his head. He knows he shouldn't be scared of Tsukishima because Tsukishima hasn't done anything to warrant such fear in his mind but his dream made those fears manifest. He keeps his hand on his chest and he feels Tsukishima's gaze at him. They stare at each other, an awkward tension between each other until Hinata comes into view again and the tension dissipates. Kageyama lets out the breath he was holding and he sees Hinata talking to Tsukishima. He grabs at his chest, the controlling part of himself leaking out of him as he now openly scowls at Tsukishima, and bites at his cheeks to keep from yelling at them. Tsukishima only glances at him and flips him off before continuing his conversation with the ball of sunshine. 

Yamaguchi sits next to Kageyama and he makes sure no one is looking before he places his hand on top of Kageyamas; he's unaware of Yachi's eyes. He timidly squeezes his hand. "Kageyama-kun it's okay. It's okay." Kageyama calms down enough to squeeze Yamaguchi's hand back. They stay like that till the end of the game. Karasuno wins the game set 3-2. Yamaguchi let's go of Kageyama's hand, a blush forming and he wonders if Kageyama notices; he doesn't. Kageyama is too focused on the way Tsukishima places his hand on Hinata's shoulder, the way the hand squeezes his shoulder, and the way Hinata softly laughs at whatever Tsukishima says in his ear most likely something about the enemy team spiker. He gets up quickly, much too quickly, his nose was no longer bleeding, and he feels a rush of nausea maybe from the fact that Tsukishima is too comfortable with Hinata. "Ah Kageyama-kun are you okay?" Yamaguchi asks worried about his setter. "I'm perfectly fine," Kageyama says, much too aggressively. Yamaguchi sighs, he's been doing that a lot more often.

They both walk up to the rest of the team, Kageyama immediately puts himself between Tsukishima and Hinata, and praises Hinata as best as he can as well as fill him in on the critiques he has. Kageyama pats Hinata's head affectionately loving the way it feels in the palms of his hand. Tsukishima grits his teeth, not liking the way Kageyama interrupted them, and was about to make a nasty remark until he felt Yamaguchi's familiar presence by his side so he refrained. Hinata smiles wide for him and he pushes Kageyama's hand away. Kageyama feels his heart beat fast and his knees are close to losing all their strength "I'm glad your nose isn't bleeding anymore Bakayama." Kageyama is about to say something till they hear the tell-tale sign of the coaches whistle to line up and clean up. 

He was dreading the bus ride back to Karasuno, the pain in his head was intense, and the rowdiness of the six new first years was too much for him. He was elated before getting on the bus because he was going to finally get to talk and be near Hinata until one of the first years clapped Kageyama on his back and his nose started bleeding again. He wanted to wrangle that first year's neck but he was held back by Yamaguchi. Tsukishima chuckled "Aww the poor King can't handle his rowdy subjects." Kageyama was so close to pouncing on him but again he was held back by Yamaguchi. Their team captain Ennoshita, bopped Tsukishima on the head, and told him to stop which made Tsukishima huff and roll his eyes. Hinata also lightly scolded Tsukishima, he gave Kageyama one of his hand towels for his nose, and a thumbs up. 

Now Kageyama was forced to lay down on the back of the bus and not only that. He was forced to sit right behind Tsukishima and Hinata together. Tsukishima took the window seat and Hinata the aisle seat. Kageyama watched them, their every move, and he was glaring so hard that he might as well put holes in the back of Tsukis head. He listened in on their conversation as much as he could. "Tsukishima-kun you forgot to wrap your fingers again." Hinata's caring voice made Kageyama heart pull. Kami-sama how could he sound so freaking lovely all the time? He sees Hinata reach for Tsukishima's hand and he grits his teeth. 'He could do it himself Hinata. There is no need for you to touch him..' Kageyama thoughts laced in nothing but anger and possessiveness. A small hiss of pain is heard and a small whispered apology. "Gomen, this'll hurt a little" he assumes Tsukishima nods and he watches Hinata with his delicate hands wrap Tsukishima fingers with practiced ease. The scene before him seems so intimate with the way Tsukishima softens up and Hinata looks up at Tsukishima. "How does that feel?" Hinata asks almost a whisper as all the upper and underclassmen have fallen asleep. "Good. You've gotten better at this since the first time." First time? What does Tsukishima mean by that? Again with the secrets. 

Tsukishima then gives Hinata one of his earbuds to listen to music. They both sit comfortably next to each other and fall asleep with Tsukishima leaned up against the window and Hinata falling asleep with his head tipped back. It wasn't until the halfway point, that Hinata leaned towards Tsukishima, and held Tsukishima's arm as a pillow in his own arms. Tsukishima only briefly woke up to get them both in a comfortable position. It ends up with Tsukishima head on top of Hinata's own head and soft snores being heard from the both of them. Kageyama tries his best not to get up and pry them apart. He was the one who was supposed to be with Hinata. He was supposed to be the one sitting next to him. They were the ones who were supposed to be cuddled up together sharing earphones. Kageyama decides to turn away from them before he does something he regrets and falls asleep.

_ He doesn't remember how he gets to the locker room but he's there in an instant. The locker room is empty with the exception of the two figures in front of him. Again he's nothing but an observer in this world. He hates it. He hates the feeling of being ignored by the two on the floor. This time though he's hiding and he sees Hinata on all fours and Tsukishima chest to his back. Tsukishima is practically covering Hinata's body with his own and Tsukishima is sucking a bruise on Hinata's neck. His hands hold Hinata's waist as he drives into him. Kageyama grits his teeth as he notices the bruises in different areas of Hinata's neck, the pleasurable tears in his eyes, and the way his mouth opens practically drooling from the amount of pleasure he's receiving. Kageyama takes a few steps towards them but then he feels it. The piercing eyes of a predator and then he's surrounded by darkness. All he can see are murky orange arms snaking their way up his body touching everywhere till they make it to his neck. The hands are digging into his neck and he hears Tsukishima's voice "He's mine. He's mine. He's mine" he's starting to lose all the air in his lungs and he wants to fight back. He's dying, he's dying, he's losing the ability to move his body, and his breathing isn't there and he's..  _

Yamaguchi shakes Kageyama awake with care, he notices the way Kageyama is shaking, the cold sweat on his body, and he knows Kageyama is having a nightmare. He makes sure no one is looking when he softly takes Kageyama's hand and whispers gently "I'm here Kageyama. I'm here. You're okay. You're not alone." There were tears rolling down his eyes when he woke up, he notices it's only Yamaguchi and him on the bus, and he tries to even out his breathing. Yamaguchi wipes the tears from Kageyama's eyes and gives Kageyama another reassuring squeeze of his hand. "Do you want to talk about it in the locker room?" Yamaguchi asks in a humble tone. Kageyama nods and let's go of Yamaguchi's hand. Once they're off the bus, everyone gets quickly dressed, and Kageyama and Yamaguchi are the last ones in the locker room. 

Kageyama sits down on the bench, his knees trembling so much he feels he might lose all the feelings in them, and he tries not to bite at his lips and dig his nails into the palm of his hands. He waits patiently for Yamaguchi who in turn is waiting patiently for Kageyama to speak up. "Remember to breathe Kageyama. Breathe in slowly, hold, and then breathe out.. remember I'm here too." Yamaguchi carefully places his hand again on top of Kageyamas. Yamaguchi has always been gentle with Kageyama, touch has become a way to ground Kageyama something Yamaguchi learned the first few times of trying to calm Kageyama mental battle but too much might send him spiraling farther, and so Yamaguchi is always mindful of the way he touches Kageyama especially his hands. He takes it into his own as though they are his most precious treasure and squeezes with such tenderness. "I'll wait as long as you need Kageyama. We have all night." They actually don't have all night but he wants Kageyama to feel at ease and a little lie won't hurt them. 

It takes Kageyama a few minutes to compose himself before he spills his guts out to Yamaguchi. He tells Yamaguchi of the dreams he's been having, he tells him of the confusing feelings that he has for Hinata, and his irrational fear of Tsukishima. Yamaguchi listens and he rubs soft circles onto his hands to soothe his trembling. "I don't know what to do Yamaguchi.. i don't know what to do. I've never felt like this before. I don't understand these feelings." Kageyama's voice was filled with such despair that Yamaguchi felt his heart clench. "Kageyama, I think I know what your problem is-" Yamaguchi is interrupted by Kageyama shaking him. "Tell me! Tell me! So I can fix it! So that I can fix myself! I hate this feeling! I hate this feeling so much!" The outburst shakes Yamaguchi to his core and he tries to get Kageyama to stop shaking him by taking both his hands in his and squeezing. "Calm down Kageyama it isn't anything bad!" Yamaguchi takes a shaky breath and continues to rub comforting circles into Kageyama's hands.

Yamaguchi takes a deep breath and he feels his heart slightly breaking at the words that he's about to say. He knows Kageyama is waiting for him, he can tell by how Kageyama hands start to shake in anticipation, and Yamaguchi just wants to keep it all in but he also hates seeing Kageyama this way. Yamaguchi has known for a while now. He's known since the first time they sat together in silence that Kageyama is in love with Hinata. He's known that it isn't the typical love you get as your first love. He knows it's dark and possessive and dangerous for Kageyama to have this kind of love for Hinata. He knows Kageyama should be talking to an adult. To a professional about his anxiety and insecurity and his obsession and his overwhelming jealousy but Yamaguchi for once wants to be selfish. Yamaguchi for once wants to be the rock in somebody's life especially for someone as amazing as Kageyama and call it his own possessive love for Kageyama but he wants to keep it all to himself for as long as he can. With a small sigh and the sound of his heartbreaking as he says those dreaded words. 

"Kageyama. You're in love with Hinata."

  
  
  
  



	2. Love, Love, Love

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Kind of a short chapter but I wanted to show a little bit of Yamaguchi perspective and his role in all this. Will update next Wednesday.

Chapter 2 - Love Love Love

Yamaguchi can hardly register what happens next as Kageyama roughly pushes his hands away and grabs Yamaguchi by the collar slamming him against the lockers. Tadashi lets out a pained cry as the locker digs into his back, he's visibly quivering as Kageyama towers over him, and his hands grab at Kageyama's wrist digging his nails into them. 

"K-kageyama-kun.. p-please l-let g-go." The look on Kageyama's panicked face is nothing Tadashi has ever seen before and he regrets now what he said. He knows not everyone can stand to be called gay and especially being told that they are in love with their best friend.. He had those exact feelings when he.. He feels Kageyama let go of him and slumps back down on the bench. "Gomen Yamaguchi. Gomen. Gomen." The amount of apologies that were muttered under Kageyama's breath as he falls into a deeper pit of despair then what he was in. Yamaguchi almost wants to cry himself but he takes a deep breath. He takes the same advice he gives Kageyama and that is to breathe in, hold, and breathe out. 

Tadashi slowly gets on his knees as if he were approaching a frightened animal. He keeps his hands up and softly hums as he gets closer to Kageyama, not caring if the floor scrapes his knees. 'Take a moment to think of just flexibility, love, and trust' Yamaguchi's gentle singing brings Kageyama out of his internal suffering. "Kageyama. I forgive you. I forgive you. No more apologizing please.. Apologizing is my thing, remember?" He tries to joke to lighten the mood. Yamaguchi tentatively, reaches out for his hands again and intertwines their fingers. He looks up at Kageyama from his position making sure he's comfortable with the way they hold hands and continues the soft humming. He feels Kageyama squeeze their intertwined fingers and relax. He wonders if Kageyama can feel his heartbeat through his finger. He wonders if Kageyama can feel a grounding connection between them but he knows it'll take Kageyama too long to realize. 

Yamaguchi wonders if Kageyama will ever fall in love with him but he knows he's just an ordinary guy and there's nothing special about him compared to Hinata. Yamaguchi wonders why he falls in love with guys and girls way out of his league. He wonders why he desperately falls in love with guys he wants to fix.

For now he let's these moments happen, he selfishly takes it all into his heart, and brands them in his memories. 

"I think we should get home.. Do you want to stay with me tonight? My parents aren't home and we can talk more comfortably at my house." Yamaguchi takes in a deep breath and he's hopeful. He wants to continue holding hands with him. He wants to tell Kageyama how he had once fallen in love with his best friend and that the best course of action is to move on.. of course that's a bit selfish of him to want Kageyama to move on so quickly.. 

The small nod from Kageyama is all he needs to get their things ready and he holds Kageyama's hand all the way home. They're lucky they're the only ones in the schoolyard and on the streets walking home. Kageyama follows Yamaguchi like a baby duckling right behind his mother duck. Once getting home, Yamaguchi let go of his hand already missing the way his hands felt wrapped around his, and said "You can wait for me in my bedroom. I'll make you your favorite tea." Kageyama did as he was told already knowing his way around the house, he tried to not to look at the pictures of Tsukishima and Yamaguchi together. He didn't need the reminder that Tsukishima was also a prominent person in another of his friends' lives. 

Yamaguchi heads into his kitchen, heats some milk, and gets the lavender from the cabinet. He decides on getting some chamomile and putting it into the tea. He adds a dash of honey at the end. He pours it into two cups and heads to his room. He notices Kageyama plopped down on the bed and sets the teas aside. 

He plops down next to Kageyama and they're both facing each other now. "I'm not.. I'm not in love with Hinata. That could never happen. He's my best friend.. I can't be. It's wrong. What will happen between us if he knows? What if he hates me? He already has Tsukishima.. Can't you see the way they're so close. I can't compete with that!" Kageyama digs his nails into his palms as he half shouts/half rambles on and Tadashi winces from the volume level. "Kageyama inside voices please.. also there's nothing wrong with loving Hinata. You're completely normal for being in love with a guy. Love is love no matter what." Kageyama sighs and closes his eyes for a bit. "It's not.. it's not about being gay that shocks me. I know my parents would be against it but my sister would stand up to them and take me in if my parents ever kicked me out so I'm not afraid of them. She's really amazing.. The issue is the fact that love can feel this way… it's scary and I don't want to hurt Hinata" 

Tadashi sits up from the bed and forces Tobio to sit up as well and hands him the tea he made. They both sit side to side and drink the tea. Yamaguchi sighs and speaks up after three sips of his tea. "Love is hard Kageyama-kun.. anybody who tells you love is easy is wrong.. we all have our ways to show love you know.. yours just happens to be very aggressive.. but that doesn't mean you can't love Hinata and you know what you have me to help you too" he takes another sip of his tea, he feels his heart chip, and he waits for Kageyama to stop drinking his tea before he blurts out. "Did I ever tell you that I was once in love with Tsuki?" He doesn't know why he said it but maybe he just wanted Kageyama to be jealous for him for once. Yamaguchi avoids Kageyama double take and he notices him clench the sides of the tea cup. He has a small victory dance in his head.

"I'm sorry I didn't mean to say it so suddenly but yeah again.. I know how you feel about being in love with your best friend." Yamaguchi looks down at his tea and gives him a small smile. "Unfortunately for me he rejected me and it was hard moving on but I found someone new to love." 

"Tsukishima is an idiot for letting you go. He's another boke on in our lives" Kageyama's voice was laced with a small amount of affection. "How did he reject you? How did you move on? Was he an asshole to you? Who do you like now?" Kageyama's curiosity gets the best out of him as he inches closer towards Yamaguchi who is trying his best to keep a distance between them. His heart can't handle this much intense interest in him and his face is growing closer to looking like a tomato. "Kageyama! Calm down! I'll tell you. I'll tell you." Yamaguchi is close to combusting at this point and he isn't able to cover his face.

"Then start." Kageyama sets the tea on the table and gets himself ready for story time. He places his head on top ofYamaguchi head and their arms touch. Yamaguchi isn't trying his hardest not to die from lack of air he's receiving and he asks himself why did he condition Kageyama to do such affectionate actions when they're on his bed. Yamaguchi stutters out "I well. I. He. I. He. Bleh." Kageyama quirks an eyebrow and pouts "If you aren't comfortable in telling me then we can talk about something else." 

"No. No. It's fine. It wasn't something too complicated.. Honestly it all happened during junior high and during the time Akiteru and Tsukishima weren't getting along. The tension kind of ran high during that time and all I can think about was Tsuki." Kageyama takes a deep breath and says to himself that he shouldn't be jealous that Yamaguchi is only a friend compared to Hinata who he loves. Yamaguchi continues "Well it kind of all started when Tsuki and I reached our third year of junior high.." 

Yamaguchi remembers the day he saw Tsuki when he came back from break. Blond hair unruly, a new pair of black rimmed glasses that shaped his face, his skin was naturally tan for the first time in a long time, and his lanky form was slightly built. The first word that popped into his head when he was staring at Tsuki was 'beautiful' and when he realized he was thinking that he excused himself to the bathroom so that he can slap himself silly which he actually did. It hadn't occurred to him that Tsuki can appear like that to him especially when he's still his cold usual self.. He didn't want to avoid Tsukishima either. I mean they had their argument and reconciled and so he doesn't want push another argument.  
It was already three month in of being in love with Tsukishima and he was slowly dying to confess but with the stress of competing in one of their last junior high competition and studying for entrance exam he fails to see the concern from Tsukishima. Until the day before their summer competition Tsuki corners him and forces him to talk.  
"Okay. What the hell is up with you Yamaguchi? Last year you were okay going up on my face about our issues but now you're avoiding me and you know I hate that." A small glare had Yamaguchi shrinking and stuttering. "It's nothing Tsuki. Just you know the stress and you know the competition and you know" he chuckles nervously. 

Tsukishima gives him a pointed glare "I'm not dropping the subject that easily Yamaguchi Tadashi. Tell me now or else I won't stop pestering you about it" Yamaguchi only shrinks even more and he feels a heat in his chest at the way he has him kabedon against the wall. "It's because. It's because I'm in love with you. There I said it so please can you um not be so close." Yamaguchi covers his face in embarrassment and Tsukishima dumbfounded. "I know I'm disgusting being in love with a guy and not only that my best friend and you can hate me now and bully me but don't tell anyone please." He's crying now as he begins to imagine the amount of bullying would happen and Tsukishima's disgusted face everyday. He hears Tsukishima let out a deep breath and places his arm back to his side. 

"Tadashi look at me." Yamaguchi looks up shocked at hearing Tsuki call him by his first name. "I'm not.. I'm not disgusted by you and you should know by now as your best friend I would never be disgusted by anything you do. Also, remember I have two moms so if anyone gives you any sh*t about being gay or bi or whatever you are I'll kick their ass." He pauses for a moment as if he's trying to carefully choose his next words to not hurt him. "I'm sorry but I don't see you that way Yamaguchi.. it's not that I can't love you Yamaguchi. I do just in a friendly way and I don't think I'm still in the right mindset to be in love or date someone.." Tsukishima awkwardly pats his head. 

"I was heartbroken after that and I.." he hears light snores on his right and he notices Kageyama knocked out. He knew the tea would do the trick to calm him down though now he wishes he would have told him to take a shower. Yamaguchi smiles as he looks at Kageyama's sleeping face how at peace he looks compared to when he found him. He gets them both laying down and covered under the blankets. He places himself as the smaller spoon, he sneakily indulges in this closeness, and trails his hand down to hold Kageyamas. He wishes they can stay like this forever. He hopes Kageyama will one day realize that he is all he ever needs. For now he only lets pieces of his love out for Kageyama because he doesn't know if he'll want to live the resf of his life with another heartache.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Next Chapter: How Far We've Come?


	3. How Far We've Come

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here you go guys. This chapter made me cry and I hope that you guys are ready for a Rollercoaster of emotions. I hope you don't mind Hinata being a bit smarter in my story. I always thought of him as a people smart and know his way with words. 
> 
> Tsukishima has two moms in my A.U. Which he refers to one of them as mom and the other as mother. Kageyama and Yamaguchi are mentioned in this chapter.
> 
> The name of the bands for the first two chapters are  
> Mr. Brightside - The Killers.  
> Love Love Love - Of Monsters and Men  
> How Far We've Come - Matchbox Twenty

Chapter 3 - How Far We've Come 

"I'm waking up at the start of the end of the world"

It's four weeks before spring vacation and here is Tsukishima who never thought the day he would lose his mom would be at the prime age of 15. He always thought he would grow old with his parents for them to be able to see their grandkids and they would have picnics every Sunday or every other sunday. He thought his mom would be able to live till she was at least in her 90s, maybe that was just wishful thinking, and her death would impact him less because he knows his mom lived her life to the fullest. He thought his mom would be there for his highschool graduation. He thought his mom would live to see the day he graduated college. He wanted his mom to see how far he's gone in volleyball. He wanted his mom to see how much he loves volleyball now and to meet his teammates who may be annoying little sh**s but they are the most interesting people he's ever met. He wanted his mom to see the progress her two sons are making, how they're slowly rebuilding their trust with each other. 

He holds in his agony when the doctor announces his mom's time of death, he tries his best to be strong throughout the whole process, and he holds his distraught mother close the whole way as his brother Akiteru handles the paperwork for the funeral; his mother signs with unsteady hands and small whimpers. His mother refused to let him go even when it was time to sleep, they had to force her to take sleeping pills as she would only stay awake at night sobbing, and Kei couldn't stand hearing his mother like that. Akiteru and him are trying their best to keep it together. 

He doesn't cry at the beginning of the funeral, maybe it's just the shock of it all, and the idea that if he cries he can't be strong for his mother and brother who is already tearfaced as everyone says their goodbyes. It was a small funeral that only consisted of the only real family and friends his mothers had. He receives condolences from Yamaguchi and the usual "if you need someone to talk to. I'm here" advice. He knows Yamaguchi is trying to be nice but he knows he can't relate to the pain of losing a parent. He takes a deep breath as he tries to keep the feeling of anguish inside him and he tightens his hold on his mother's hand because he's trying to be the strong one for both Akiteru and his mother. He's suffocating between them as she lets out another wail of grief. 

He can't stay there. He needs fresh air. He needs the warmth of the sun on his skin to be able to feel. He abruptly gets up, he let's go of his mother, he gives Akiteru a look that says 'take care of her', and he gets out of the room. He exits the building and he needs to breathe but he's suffocating in his misery. He hears laughter around the corner, how could these people be laughing so carefree while he is here barely able to keep it together. He sits by the side of the building out of sight of his family members, not caring whether he dirties his black suit, and he does everything in his power to breath again. He says to himself 'I need to breathe. I just need a minute to breathe and then I can go back inside. I can face all those people and be the perfectly strong son that they expect me to be. I can sit there and hold my mother's hand tight while they read the eulogy. Yeah I can do that but first I need to breathe.' Tsukishima closes his eyes and takes a deep breath that hurts his lungs and breathes out. He continues this process until he hears the sound of small footsteps heading his way. 

"I'll be there in a second Aki.. I'll be there just to give me a few." Tsukishima rests his head on the wall and he continues to try to even out his breathing. He hears the footsteps get closer and stop by his side. "I said I'll be there, Akiteru , just give me a few.."

"Tsukishima-kun?" Kei recognizes that voice and his eyes snap open in surprise looking up at the red-head who is looking down at him with understanding in his eyes and a tissue box in his hands. "I'm sorry I'm late." Hinata keeps his tone soft and steps over Tsukishima legs to sit next to him. Tsukishima is still in shock of Hinata being there, that a few tears slip down his face, and he immediately wipes them away with his hand. He holds the rest of his tears in and asks "What are you doing here Hinata? Your mom needs you more than me." Truthfully, Tsukishima doesn't want him to leave because with Hinata here he feels as though he can let it all go and not be shown any form of pity but if he does that then it defeats the purpose of being strong in front of his brother and mother so he continues to keep it in. Tsukishima ponders how this epitome of sunshine has been able to crawl so deep under his skin and make him trust him with his fragile heart. 

It's two weeks after Nationals when he receives a call from his brother about his mom being in the hospital. He noticed the amount of missed calls that were left by Akiteru and his second mother during practice. It had him rushing to pack his things and run out. The second and third years paid him no mind, used to Tsukishima's quick pace of wanting to be the first one out, and so nobody questioned the unsettling urgency. While he was running he was looking for all the available bus routes on his phone that would take him to the hospital. Once he finds the bus stop that'll work for him, he leans on the side of the wall, and taps the wall in impatience. He huffs, drumming his fingers, and tapping his foot hastily. The damn bus is already four minutes late and his nerves are getting the best of him. Tsukishima can only picture different scenarios of what could have happened to his mom. He notices he isn't the only one annoyed when he turns his head to the side to see his red headed teammate as well looking as annoyed as him. It's a slight surprise to Tsukishima seeing Hinata in this new light, the ever so cheerful and energetic boy who is often compared to the sun, is now here next to him in a familiar state that he is, and he wants to ask but he isn't in any predicament to worry about Hinata's problem when he has his own. 

When the bus arrived, the ginger hurried into the bus, and Tsukishima followed, making sure there was distance between them. He doesn't want Hinata to get involved with his issues and he doesn't want to get involved in his. He focuses on his phone screen, refreshing his mom and brother's messages, and checks every possible social media of anything that could have happened. He's tapping again and he feels the bus stop suddenly. Tsukishima looks up from his phone to check his surroundings and he notices the bus stop isn't even close to the hospital. He's trying his best not to yell at the bus driver and tell her that she needs to hurry up. His mom needs him, he's biting his lips, his nails tapping repeatedly onto the bus seat and the aura that he's omitting has all the passengers walking into the bus avoiding him. The last passenger who walks in was another ginger but this time it was a little girl with ponytails held in light blue ribbons and Tsukishima now realizes it's a smaller duplicate of his sunshine teammate. He lets out an annoyed tsk and he says to himself 'his problems aren't mine and neither are mine his. I'll mind my damn business'

"Natsu. Sit here. I'll stand" Hinata's tender voice resonates with Tsukishima and he finds himself again surprised that Hinata could sound so brotherly. Tsukishima really does try to ignore them but they're so loud. He doesn't know whether to rejoice about this temporary distraction from the current problem he's having or snap at them. He knows panicking and thinking the worst of the situation would do him nothing so he lets himself eavesdrop the conversation.  
"Sho-kun" the adorable girl grabs her backpack and ruffles through it and takes out a colored drawing. Tsukishima assumes it's a drawing of their family but some time in the future that drawing was actually a picture of sunflowers. "Do you think okaa-san will like it? I really tried my best?" She shows Hinata and he only softly smiles down at her. "Yes, she'll love this a lot because you made it for her Natsu" she had the same sunshine smile that Hinata has. "You remember the rules when we get to kaa-san right?" He ruffled her hair with his hands and Tsukishima can't see the expression on Hinata's face but he saw Natsu pout quite cute in his opinion. 

"Yes I remember Sho-Sho" she pouts and continues with explaining the rules. "Rule number one, no loud noise or else we get kicked out. Rule number two no climbing on the bed. Rule number three no bothering the other patients and kaa-san. Rule number four, no bothering the nurses and doctors." She lists them down with her fingers and she couldn't help forget the last one or more like pretend to. "Rule number ten is cover your ears when the adults are talking." Hinata finishes for her and Natsu gets all huffy. "I don't get why I have to cover my ears Sho-Sho when you don't get to." Hinata sighs "I don't cover my ears because I have to know what they're talking about Natsu. It's important for me to know." Hinata is patient and softly continues to ruffle Natsu's hair. 

"Is it because the adults wanna take me away? Sho-sho?" Her voice was vulnerable and innocent. Tsukishima visibly sees Hinata tense up and responds. "I won't let them separate us Natsu. Remember what okaa-san said. My sister. My responsibility. You and I will be together all the way no matter what." He kneels to Natsu level and hugs her tight.  
Tsukishima had already deduced that maybe Hinata and him share a similar situation except one parent seems to be absent from the picture and if so how long has Hinata been keeping it in? How could he keep smiling so brightly unless those were fake? He had noticed the way his smile barely shines and he no longer accepts the extra practice the king offers him. 

The bus finally reaches the stop and he accidentally pushes Hinata as he is getting off and the look of astonishment that passes through Hinata's face doesn't go unaccounted by Tsukishima. He knows he should apologize but he's in a rush and runs to the front of the hospital to finally meet with his brother and mother.  
"What happened to mom! Where is she!?" The panic in his voice is evident and he receives multiple glares from the people around him but he doesn't care because they're a bunch of hypocrites that if they were in the same situation they would be yelling too.  
"It was a car crash Kei, the guy took the red light, and they hit her…" he pauses for a second and Kei grabs his shoulder shaking him. "Is she going to live!? Is she going to survive this!? Akiteru how long did you know she was here! Please Akiteru! Please!" He's never begged in his life and now here he is begging for some sign of good news. He looks up at his brother, he's shaking so bad and digging into his brother's shoulder. "She's having surgery.. she's been in it for the last ten hours. They don't know if she'll survive or if she does if she'll wake up." This is the second time in Kei's life that he's seen his brother so defeated but this time he hugs him close to him and lets his older brother finally cry onto his shoulder. They stay like that for what feels like a lifetime, his brother holding onto him sobbing while he is mentally praying that his mom survives, and his mother joins them in the hug. 

It's three hours later and the doctor takes them into a separate room to give them the good news as well as the bad news. "She survived, we were able to fix her as best as we could.." The doctor eyes all but scream sympathy and he continues. "She is at this moment brain-dead and the chances of her waking up are slim to none." All the noise in the room suddenly becomes muffled as Tsukishima sits there shell-shocked at the news and his lungs are beginning to burn inside. "She's a fighter. She'll come back. I know she will." Tsukishima doesn't know where this sudden confidence comes from and he will not give up on his mom. The doctor is tight-lipped at that point and requests for both the boys to leave but his mother asks for Akiteru to stay with her. Once Kei leaves, he hears further discussion outside but it is barely audible, and one of Natsu rules pops on his mind. Rule number 10, cover your ears when the adults are talking; except it's the adults covering his ears.

Two weeks passed after the doctors meeting, his mother agreed to keep her wife on life support in hopes she'll wake up, maybe she was given hope by Kei's words, and her son's insistence in keeping his mom alive. Every night after volleyball practice, he would talk to her every night, and when the nights got too hard to speak he would find himself sitting at a hospital bench looking up at the night sky contemplating what had he done wrong to be given this terrible fate of pleading to every god for his mom's life.  
Tsukishima can feel eyes on him but when he looks back the feeling is gone. He knows who it is, who those eyes belong to but he avoids him because he doesn't need him to know his issues at all. He can go through this all by himself without his help yet unfortunately this annoyingly ginger headed person makes his appearance at night on the bench he is using to collect his thoughts. 

"Is this seat taken?" The ginger gestures to the empty space next to Kei. Tsukishima only just glares at him, why can't he just leave him alone to deal with this on his own? The adults already treat him like a fragile child who will break the second something changes so what will be the difference between Hinata and them?  
Hinata still sits next to him, unphased by Tsukishima glare, and looks up at the sky with him.  
"I didn't say you could sit next to me shrimp." Tsukishima tried to sound snarky but it only ended up sounding exhausted.  
"You didn't say anything at all so I took the chance." Hinata replies and focuses on the stars.  
The silence irked Tsukishima, he was half expecting Hinata to talk to him, to ask him, give him some stupid piece of advice, and nothing. It's only the sound of their light breathing and the wind rustling the leaves in the air.  
"Aren't you going to ask?" Tsukishima asks, irritated by the presence of the ginger who invaded his space.  
"You didn't look like you wanted to talk about it" Hinata is as straightforward as can be with his answer. "I mean you didn't come to me so I thought maybe I should go to you and maybe we don't have to talk. We could just sit here together and admire the night sky. Maybe take comfort in each other presence knowing we are going through the same thing"  
Tsukishima is stunned by his answer and deflates a bit. "And they say you're stupid." Hinata lets out a laugh, holding his stomach, and Tsukishima for the second time that night looks at the ginger. He's slightly mesmerized by him, the way the moonlight shines down on Hinata, and how could someone like him laugh so freely even though what awaits them back inside is hell. Though the sound of Hinata's laugh has him smiling a bit. The laughter dies down and Tsukishima looks back up at the stars. His thoughts are somewhat nicer to him. 

They continue the routine of sitting together at night, sometimes they talk about volleyball, sometimes they talk about their siblings, and sometimes they stay silent on the tough days. During school they spend their time focused on their classes and volleyball. Until one day Hinata appears by his classroom door with a slice of strawberry shortcake and an extra lunch for him. After that day they then spend most of their lunches together sitting on the rooftops with Hinata mostly making sure Tsukishima eats by tempting him with different sweets and cutely decorated food. Hinata always says the food and sweets are leftovers from when he makes the lunch for Natsu but he knows it's just a bluff and he knows Hinata is targeting his sweet spot and his admiration for colorful foods. 

"Are you sure Yamaguchi-kun is okay with you ditching him like this?" Hinata asks obviously worried about making a wech between Yamaguchi and him. Tsukishima just snorts and eats a piece of the dinosaur cookies Hinata had 'leftover'. "Are you sure the King is fine with you ditching him?" Hinata just sighs and eats his food. After a bit of shoving his food in his mouth he speaks "It's hard to talk to Kageyama sometimes and lately he's been acting a little weird." Tsukishima glances at Hinata, this is the first they've actually ever talked about their best friends that isn't volleyball related. Hinata is slowly opening up to him and for some reason Tsukishima feels special. He feels as though he can open up too. 

He swallows the bite and responds "Yamaguchi is my best friend but sometimes I feel like I can't talk to him too." He admits to Hinata who's flabbergasted at such admission. "Yeah. I know.. I should tell him. I mean Yamaguchi isn't like the King.. he is actually understanding and kind and yet.. I feel like if I tell him he'll only just pity me." Hinata nods agreeing with him "Exactly, it's the same way I feel with Kageyama and it's weird before all of this.. before Nationals when things were normal I was actually.." HInata mumbles using the food to cover his mumbles. Kei quirks an eyebrow and grabs the bento from Hinata. "What did you say? I can't hear you if you're mumbling shrimp." Tsukishima teases him as Hinata whines reaching for the bento "Stingy-shimaaaa don't be a bully. Give it baacckkk." Kei continues to refuse Hinata until he speaks up. "That I was actually a little in love with Kageyama." Kei snorts and he feels his stomach churn. "Yeah, it was pretty obvious." "Gyah what do you mean!?" Tsukishima chuckles and mimics Hinata's voice "Kageyama! Bakayama toss to me! Kageyama is such an amazing setter! Kageyama one more!" Hinata is blushing to the tips of his ears and covers Tsukishima's mouth who's laughing so bad that he snorts. "Oh my Kami-sama! I don't sound like that and did you just snort?" Hinata is starting to laugh too. "Maybe I should start calling you peppa-shima. Oink oink." Now Tsukishima is the one red-faced and he's left with no other option; he licks Hinata's hand who lets out a squeal. "You licked me!" "Ha! Maybe I should be calling you Peppa by the way you squealed like a little piggy." Both their laughter cease to a comfortable silence and Hinata wipes his hand on a napkin. 

Hinata breaks the silence first like always. "Have you ever been in love before Tsukishima?" His voice filled with curiosity and anticipation. "No. I've never been in love before." Hinata blinks a bit "Oh? And here I thought since you're Mister Popular you would have at least dated or liked someone."  
"I've been asked out a lot but I can barely remember the names or the faces of the people who have asked me out.. Yamaguchi was in love with me. Don't tell him I told you." Tsukishima said while putting another cookie in his mouth.  
"Well to be honest, Yamaguchi was kinda obvious with his love. He followed you around everywhere and kinda blurted out things about you. I think everyone on the team knew except for Kageyama.. Did you reject him?" Hinata scratches the back of his neck and he's testing the waters with Tsukishima. They both have their taboo subject like the Akiteru volleyball incident or Tsukishima's mother or Hinata's father. Tsukishima firms up a bit. "You don't have to answer. I was just curious." Hinata shyly looks away and bites at his fingernails. This is a side of Hinata that Tsukishima hates seeing and he lets out a deep breath. "When Yamaguchi confessed to me in junior high, I was surprised, and a little happy on the inside but I had my own issues going on. I love Yamaguchi. I do but not in the way he would have ever wanted me to. If we were to have dated back then, it would have just ended badly because I never would have been able to love Yamaguchi. I would put him in a world of misery because I would never have reciprocated the same feelings." Hinata reaches up and ruffles Tsukishima hair like he would Natsu. "You're a good person Tsukishima." He blushes and swats Hinata's hand. "Shut up Hinata. You're so embarrassing" Tsukishima starts cleaning up their bento boxes and gets himself ready to go back to class.  
"Do you think Kageyama would reject me if I confessed to him?" Hinata looks up to Tsukishima with innocence in his eyes and Tsukishima doesn't understand why his stomach is twisting. "The king would be a complete utter clown if he rejects you." Hinata smiles at him and it's shining. Tsukishima feels butterflies but he dismisses it thinking it is the anxiety of being away from his mom. "You really are a good person Tsuki." Kei blushes and flicks him "Shut up shrimp." Hinata lets out another whine in pain. This was the last time, they both were able to smile freely. 

Two weeks before the funeral, there was no sign of recovery for his mom, and he's bitten his fingertips to the point of bleeding due to the amount of anxiety that he's gone through. He still has hope for his mom. During the night as he's pacing back and forth he's biting at them, he's scared. He doesn't know what to do if he loses his mom. He knows he won't cry. He'll try not to cry because he doesn't want anyone to see him crying. He's strong like his mom wants him to be. He has to be. He's barely slept and his fingertips hurt. That's good. That's good. It's a good distraction. When he meets Hinata on their daily nightly need for companionship, he notices Hinata is worse for wear, and he feels guilty. Hinata is going through it even worse than him and yet here he is the one who needs Hinata to take care of him.  
Hinata wraps his fingers carefully in bandages, he wraps his fingertips with neosporin, and softly massages his hand. He notes the way the ginger's eyes hold dark bags under his eyes, his eyes are red from the lack of sleep, and his hair no longer holding the familiar light.  
"What do I do? My mom.. My mom is my life. I don't know what I would do without her" Tsukishima's voice cracks and his hands twitch in Hinatas.  
"You keep living for her, even when everything around us is burning to the ground, you have to keep going. She's fought for the last three months to stay alive for you, your brother, and Tsukishima-san. I don't think she'll want to see you spending the rest of your life wasting away Kei mourning her." Hinata says in such a dolorous tone of voice and Tsukishima grits his teeth.  
"She isn't going to die Shoyo!" Tsukishima yells at him and takes his hand away as if he's burned himself. "You don't know my mom! You don't!" He's vicious now as he yells at Hinata. "You don't f*cking get to make the decision for her! She's going to wake up! I know she will! At the last minute she will!" He knows he should stop, he should hold back the words coming out of his mouth before he says them, and he will forever regret them. "Just because your mom has a set date to die doesn't mean mine does! She still has a chance unlike yours. Stop comparing my mom to yours!" The resounding slap on his cheek and the pain that shoots up from his tailbone as he's thrown off the bench from the force has him in shock. He knows he'll bruise easily, heck he knows he deserves it, and yet he still has the audacity in looking at Hinata at a loss for words. He doesn't get to see the look on Hinata's face as Hinata leaves as quickly as he could. Tsukishima only hopes if he begs for forgiveness later he'll receive it. 

Tsukishima's mind reverts back to the present day with Hinata glancing over at him with a look of intensity that gives him chills and he speaks in a tone that doesn't match the level of intensity. "Yeah I know my mom needs me but she has Natsu and my father by her side right now. Which is why I'm here because I know that you need me more." Hinata wraps his arms around Tsukishima and holds him close to his chest. "Just let go. I'm here" It's as if all the emotions he's been trying to keep inside and the level of denial and false excuses he made to keep strong prevented him from crying because crying meant he lost her. "I don't want to lose my mom." The tears he's held back start to fall and he lets out an ugly sob that rivals his mother's. "I don't want to lose my mom." He's crying like a child who's lost his precious toy. "It's not fair. It's not fair. We were supposed to do so much." He bawls all over Hinata's shirt and shoulder. Hinata carefully takes off Tsukishima glasses and sets them aside, he softly brushes Tsukishima hair back in a comforting manner, and Kei continues to weep on him. "I'm so sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry." He hiccups between words and he lets out another ugly sob. "Why do bad things happen to good people." He can barely breathe from the amount of crying he's doing and he feels himself being rocked back and forth softly. The feeling of Hinata's hand is soothing to his scalp and he's stopped crying out but the tears still continue to flow. He wraps his arms around Hinata and he is shaking in Hinata's short arms. 

Hinata keeps a tight grip on him, he doesn't let go just yet, and continues his soft ruffling of Tsukishima's hair. "You're such a strong person Tsukishima.. look at how far you've come. Your mom must be so proud of you." Tsukishima breath hitches. "You have to look back and think of all the memories you have of her and think that even though right now it is a sh*t show. Everything is going to get better because she'll be watching over you" Hinata places a soft kiss on his forehead like he would Natsu and wipes his tears. They both stay there hugging for a while, Tsukishima doesn't want to let go of Hinata just yet, and he's sniffling. Hinata feels uncomfortable but stays quiet; his discomfort could wait.

A good thirty minutes pass and Akiteru finally finds them both. Tsukishima softly snoring mentally exhausted from holding back all his pain and in Hinata's arms that make him feel safe. Hinata looks up at Akiteru and gives him a sorrowful look. "I'm sorry for your loss." He receives a soft thank you and Hinata gently wakes Tsukishima up and gives him his glasses. Tsukishima stays latched on to Hinata like he is his lifeline, they pass Akiteru, and Akiteru gives his brother a comforting squeeze. They go back for the rest of the funeral, he holds Hinata's arm resting his head on his shoulder as they read his mom's eulogy, and tears run freely down his face. He doesn't care about whatever Akiteru is thinking or whatever Yamaguchi is thinking or anyone for once as he mourns for himself. He knows with Hinata there by his side. He will be fine.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Next Chapter - In this Shirt - The Irrepressible  
> (Hinata's chapter finally)


	4. In this Shirt

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Just a small warning there is a bit of self-harm in this chapter. This is Hinata's perspective on things and I hope you like this chapter as much as I do. I don't have much to say but I uploaded this chapter a day earlier because I was eager to upload.

Chapter 4: In this Shirt 

Hinata has known all of his life that his mom was sick. His father non-existent in his life and it wasn't that he was a terrible father. No, he was just too busy, too focused on trying to make as much money for his family that he neglected his wife and children, and Hinata has never held any sort of grudge towards him as of yet since he was providing for their small family on the countryside. He's never been disappointed in his father, at least his mom always told him to appreciate the hard work he does, and the days he would miss Natsu or his own birthday; Hinata never took it to heart because it's all about being happy with what you have and appreciating every day of his life. Live your life forgiving those then holding grudges is what his mom always said until he met Kageyama but that's a different story. 

When he was a child barely reaching the age of 8, the days before he was a volleyball fanatic, there were days where his mom was stuck in bed and the violent coughing that echoed through his home was evident. His mother always asked him to never enter her room, she never wanted her son to see her in such a weak state, and she would always leave notes under the door. (He kept those notes and has them in a box hidden away in his room.) She would always say behind the door, her voice barely an audible whisper "take care of Natsu. She's your sister. Your responsibility." Natsu was only a year old at the time and he took those words to heart and he made sure Natsu was loved everyday and taken care of by him. Natsu is his world and he promised his mom he would do everything in his power to take care of her. 

When his mom was able to walk fine and do the household chores, she would always have Shoyo watch her. His mom did everything she could to make sure he knew how to cook, how to support himself, and especially take care of his sister. 

"You need to know how to do all this Shoyo." Her voice was weak yet it still had a loving tone. She loved her son so much, her too good to be true son, and she knew he deserved better. "One day, I won't be here and you'll need to be strong. I want you to live your life happy even when I'm not here." Shoyo at eleven years old didn't understand what his mom meant but he still listened to his mom words as he always did. His mom ruffled his hair and he gave his all too bright sunshine smile to his mom.

The next day on his bike, he saw the Little Giant, and the feeling of awe he felt all day had him a bit too nervous to ask his mom if he could play volleyball. His mom knew his tell, when something was bothering her little Shoyo, and he tried not to look too antsy but when you're an eleven year old kid with barely any self-control it's difficult. "What is it dear?" She smiled softly at Shoyo and he only twiddled his fingers shly. "Shoyo, whatever it is I won't get mad." She says waiting patiently. 

"I WANT TO PLAY VOLLEYBALL!" He yells enthusiasticly and he's practically vibrating on the spot trying to explain to his mom on why he needs to do this and how amazing it is and how there was a guy his size flying. His mom only laughs at seeing her son so excited and four year old Natsu is giggling in the background amused by her brothers antics. She agrees with a condition "As long as you promise me you never give up even when the going gets tough even when I'm gone. You keep going for yourself and your sister.. Okay dear?" She places a hand on his cheek and gives him a loving kiss on his forehead. Shoyo promises her and smiles. 

His junior high years were the worst of his life but he continued to smile and make friends merrily. His mom was bedridden for the rest of his second and third year of junior high. It was difficult for him to balance school, volleyball, his household chores, and his sister. He would wake up early and make breakfast and lunch everyday for his family, got his little sister dressed and eating her breakfast, he would leave his moms breakfast by the door knocking softly to let her know, check on his sister again making sure there wasn't a mess, and he would then get himself ready to take his sister to daycare and he would head to school. On the weekend he would then focus on cleaning the house and whatever left over laundry. He would always make sure his sister had an extra lunch for after school daycare when he was practicing his volleyball, his childhood friends sometimes would help him but it wasn't the same as a real volleyball team, and once the sun would set he would rush to pick up his sister. 

The teachers were always so kind and understanding, they pitied him but he was always appreciative for all they do, that he would always have his sister give them sweets as a thank you, and walking home with his sister was always the most peaceful part of his day. Once getting home, he would make dinner for his sister and mom, he would wash his sister after dinner, and then wash himself. He would check in on his mom by sitting in front of the door, telling her of his day, sometimes he would have Natsu on his lap blabbering on about her day, sometimes he would hear loud coughing from the other side and he would cover his sisters ears as to not let her hear his mothers god awful coughing. That was how he spent his last two years of his junior high until he met Kageyama and for the first time since he was a babe; he cried. 

"What were you doing for the last three years!!" Kageyama words resonated in him and he cried, not because he lost, sure it was maybe a good ten percent but it made him wonder how he can ever be good at volleyball if he can't focus fully on it with his mom and his sister. For once in the bathroom as he cried, he wanted to pull his hair out from the stress of it all, he wanted to tell Kageyama that he wouldn't understand what he's been through to be able to even play volleyball, the amount of guilt he feels when he wanted to put volleyball over his mom and his sister, the amount of time it took for him to even form a damn team to play a match, he wanted to blame someone else for his issues, and then his mom's words came back to him. His mom the person who would always tell him to do his best and be the best that he could ever be. His mom who may not have been there for every parent day, who may not be able to do what a normal mother could do has alway been his greatest motivator in volleyball, and he shouldn't have thought of putting the blame on her or his sister. He can only blame himself for not trying hard enough. 

He slapped both his cheeks and looked for Kageyama. He announces loudly to Kageyama when he finds him. "I will beat you! I will become the best volleyball player in the world!" He shouts at Kageyama who looked at him with a confused face and Hinata's tears continued to roll down as he yelled. After that proclamation, Hinata had continued his rigorous training, and luckily his mom was feeling better by the end of his junior year and beginning of his first year of Highschool. 

His mom made his boxed bentos and would leave little notes of encouragement for him. He didn't care if it was embarrassing, it was good enough for him, and he would keep those little notes as a pick me up for the day. Kageyama would quirk his eyebrow at him every time he saw Hinata pocket those notes and smile. Maybe it was jealousy but Hinata always told him they come from his mom. Things were fine for the beginning of his highschool years and it was something that he would deem that everything was in a good place for him to be able to focus on volleyball fully. He was making friends with Kageyama and Kenma, crushing on Kageyama harshly, it's the first time he could breathe enough where he can actually like someone, and his academics were finally in order due to the smart trio that consisted of Yachi, Yamaguchi, and Tsukishima since he didn't have to focus on his mom or his sister. Everything was finally oddly what some people would say normal. 

Until one day his father came back, the week of winter vacation, right before they were supposed to go to Nationals, and Hinata found it weird. His father to him has always been a good man, he would always send them money every two weeks, Hinata always made sure his mom got the money, he never dared open it, or looked inside. His mom for once looked visibly happy, she didn't look as pale or sickly as she would usually look, and her hair was no longer dull. Natsu was especially buzzing, she finally met her father for the first time in her life, and she would give him drawings and talk loudly about her day. Hinata knows he should be ecstatic like his sister yet he can't, there is an ominous feeling on the back of his mind. His father is like a stranger to him and he doesn't give Hinata bad vibes as a person but his presence in the house left the impression of something bad coming. Hinata decided to leave those feelings alone as he had Nationals to worry about.

The week of Nationals was his relief and also his downfall when he felt his body no longer working for him as he pleased. He was foolish, so busy worrying about everyone else but he forgets about himself, and the tears that were dripping down his face made him ashamed of himself. His shame begins to consume him dragging him down into a dark sea of self-disgust as his fever worsens. When the fever finally breaks at midnight, all he sees is Takeda-sensei worried face, and he attempts a weak smile as he coughs. His teacher only awkwardly pats him on his head and says "I talked to your mom. She was worried sick about you so when you get the chance give her a call." Hinata immediately sits up, not worried about the sudden dizziness, and Takeda-sensei urging him to lay back down but he was resilient. "Please. Please. I need to talk to her sensei." To make his mom worried about him had him mortified and to think he's tried so hard not to worry her. He was humiliated and he continued to beg until Takeda-sensei gave him his phone. His fingers trembled as he dialed his mom and he felt a sigh of relief when she answered. 

He can hear his mom's weary voice, it was worse than it usually was, and he could tell.. No. He knows his mom will be in bed for the rest of his first year. His mom asks him a series of medical questions that he barely understands and he has to yell at her that he's fine. It was only a fever. Again he starts to feel guilty for upsetting his mom and he knows his mom is afraid that he might catch what she has. That he might suffer whatever illness she carries and the tears roll down his face. "I'm fine mom. I'm fine I promise. It was just a fever." Hinata explains to her calmly and she's crying over the phone "I was so worried. I was so worried about you baby." She's in hysterics and Hinata hears his father quietly trying to calm her down and it doesn't work as well as he thought it would. "I'm going to be home tomorrow. Okay? And I'm going to be fine and we are going to sit under the kotatsu that we have in the living room and eat your favorite ramen. I'll talk about my day like we always do. Okay?" This seemed to have calmed his mom down enough for her to stop crying and wipes his own tears. He bids her a soft farewell and lays back down. He's angry at himself, how could he be so careless?

"Hinata-kun? Are you alright?" Takeda-sensei asks obviously worried about the sunshine boy. Takeda knows a little bit about Hinata's situation and he's always been amazed by Hinata to be able to be so strong and act like nothing is bothering him. Then he realizes Hinata shouldn't have to be acting strong, he shouldn't have to be acting like nothing is bothering him, and he shouldn't have to be held responsible for things that adults have to do because Hinata is still just a teenager at the age of 15 almost turning 16 in the summer. "You know Hinata-kun. If you need someone to talk to. I'm here." Takeda-sensei is hopeful but all he receives from the sunshine teenager is a fake smile and an okay. He wasn't able to go back to sleep with the guilt eating at him. 

When he came back home from Nationals, his mom was in the hospital, and all he can feel is dread. He knows now, his mom isn't going to make it by the end of the year, and the doctors try to keep it a secret from him but he's been prepared his whole life for this. His mom did everything she could to teach him what he needed to know. He's conflicted whether he wants his mom to continue living suffering in pain or lose his mother. A part of him believes it's his fault that she's there, he stressed her out so much that she was sent to the hospital, and there's a pang in his conscience. He put volleyball over her and the feeling of guilt continuesly bites at him. 

The routine then changed for him, he couldn't spend his time with Kageyama or his teammates anymore, he needed to wake up earlier than he did before to make breakfast and lunch for his sister. He had to do the laundry in the early mornings and take his sister to school. After volleyball practice he would rush to the bus stop that always seems to be four minutes late which would pick up his sister from the next stop and then meet his father at the hospital entrance. 

It was two weeks after Nationals that he stumbles upon Tsukishima who pushed him getting off the bus. Hinata doesn't say anything nor ask for an apology; he understands. Even though Natsu wanted to bite Tsukishima head off for pushing her darling brother. "But aniki he pushed you." She said pouting up at her brother. Hinata only just picked her up and walked "sometimes when people are desperate they do or say something they don't mean Natsu. I'm sure he didn't mean it in a bad way." He kisses her cheek and blows a raspberry. "Sho-sho" she giggles and hugs her brother. "You promise you won't let them take me right? I want to stay with you." He squeezes her tight to him. "I promise." 

He finally figured out why his father was home. He stumbled upon his dad talking about Natsu on the phone with an unknown woman. Hinata flew off the handle when his dad wanted to take his sister. This was yet another argument that took place in the hospital. 

"How dare you! You've never been a part of her life for the last eight years and you want to take her with you because you finally just decided hey I want to be an actual father to my daughter." Hinata shouted at him. 

"Shoyo, son. Your mother called me because she was worried about you and she's dying. You're about to be sixteen and-" he gets cut off by Hinata. 

"Don't you dare call me your son! Now you finally decide you care about me. That you care about my sister because you know my mother can't handle it. No. You've known since you left us in the f*cking mountains that she couldn't handle it. You don't know sh*t." Hinata was practically screaming at him. 

"Can you at least attempt to listen to me Shoyo? This is for your future and Natsu's. Your mother is going to die in the next three months and we need to get all the paperwork situated. Your mother and I already decided all of this. You're turning sixteen in the summer and you need to focus all your time on volleyball and school. How do you expect to support your sister without your mother." His father is attempting to keep his voice low but it's gradually raising the angrier he gets with his son who seems content with disrespecting him. 

Hinata laughs at him, he's trembling, and he thinks incredible how much this asshole doesn't know anything about him. "I'm sorry if you've been here for the last 15 years of my life, you would know that I know how to support my sister, and take care of her better than you could ever." His father stays silent and that makes Hinata furious. "You can never be my father or the father you want to be for my sister. You think you can take care of her but you couldn't even bother to visit her on her birthdays, you couldn't even bother to call on Christmas or New Years, and you couldn't have even bothered to come for parent days. You never called." With that Hinata leaves his father to get fresh air. That's when he stumbles upon Tsukishima at the bench and an even deeper friendship sparked between them. 

They would either talk every night or sit in silence. Sometimes the silence spoke louder then words. There were days where he wanted to vent his problems to someone and he wasn't sure if it was okay to do so to Tsukishima until one night Tsukishima came to him venting about how the doctors were so stupid.

"I feel you. I especially hate when they just look at you with pity in their eyes. Or when they think you can't hear them'" Hinata adds to Tsukishima ranting and in unison they say "oh those poor boys." They looked at each other and they start to laugh at how ridiculous they sound. Hinata sighs and Tsukishima glances over waiting for him to speak. 

"You know I lived my whole life, hearing those words, 'oh that poor boy. Oh how does he do it? How could a mother put there son through that?' I was the talk of the town but I would just smile and thank them if they ever pitied me. I found it wasn't worth explaining since they would never ask how I feel? They always just assumed, I was unhappy, and that it was just all a chore. It's not. It never was. When you love someone unconditionally you never think of anything you do for them a chore.. Even now my own father thinks I can't take care of my sister when I've been doing it for the last seven years and where has he been?" Hinata speaks tone filled with frustration. "He wants to take my sister away to Tokyo when my mom dies. He doesn't even give my mother a chance to fight for her life or let me decide if Natsu will be happy. He thinks that I'll just let him take my sister away. Him a stranger in our life whose only ever important task in his life was to send us money. He never called. He never tried to send us letters. He never even tried to visit us Tsukishima. How can I just let him take my sister away? He doesn't know what my sister likes. He doesn't know that she still likes to watch Peppa Pig with me in the morning. He doesn't know what her favorite food is or what she doesn't like?" Hinata is hyperventilating as he is voicing his said frustration. Tsukishima places an arm around Hinata and he squeezes at his shoulder to ease the overwhelmed teenager. Tsukishima doesn't need to tell Hinata that he's here when he needs him, just with that gesture Hinata knows. 

After that discussion with Tsukishima and the comfort they found nestled together shoulder to shoulder while they stare off into the stars; they gradually began talking about their frustration, their friends, and life. 

He was then approached by Akiteru one night after that as he was leaving with a sleeping Natsu in his arms. He's never talked to him before, only seen him cheering for them in the bleachers, maybe some compliments directed towards him, and some embarrassing comments to Tsukishima. 

"Hinata-kun. Wait before you leave." Akiteru catches up to him out of breath. "You're way too fast for me you know." He chuckles a bit but his face reverts to a serious one. "I wanted to talk to you about my brother." Hinata is quick to interrupt him, obviously a bit exhausted and defensive. "I'm not going to talk to you about what we talk about. It's private and we promised we would keep it to ourselves." Hinata switches Natsu to his other side and glares at Akiteru but Akiteru only places his hands up in surrender. "That's not what I wanted to um talk about. I know this is a bit selfish of me to ask when you have your own things to handle but can you take care of Kei for me. He trusts you and I'm worried about him. I don't know if he eats in school or if he's doing alright in school. He won't talk to me or Tadashi. I.. I just want my brother to be alright and I wish I can put all my attention on him but.." droplets fall from Akiteru eyes and it's clear he's a bit desperate. "I'll take care of him. I promise." Hinata's says and he squeezes Natsu. He can relate to Akiteru being the older brother having to deal with a parent and a younger sibling. "I promise" he says confidently and Akiteru pulls him in for a hug. "Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. You're a godsend Hinata." Hinata gives him a somber smile. "You also have to promise me, you'll take care of yourself even when the going gets tough." Hinata repeats the words his mother has been saying to him all these years to Akiteru. 

It was only slight change to the routine, now he was determined to help Tsukishima, and it made him feel better being with Tsuki during lunch. It was a trial and error everytime he made lunch, he wasn't sure what Tsukishima liked or what he didn't like but it lifted his spirit everytime he got something right, though so far Tsukishima liked everything he's made, and Hinata liked seeing Tsukishima eat for once. He still felt guilty for taking Tsukishima away from Yamaguchi but Tsukishima would always assure him that it was fine. These little lunches also gave him a time to breathe as the difficulty of facing Kageyama when he wasn't ready to talk about his issues and the fake smiles he gives to Tobio hurt more. It also gave Hinata a chance to inspect Tsukishima, bandage him when he notices the amount of bitten skin, and a chance for them both to be able to laugh in their own little world. 

The dominoes started to fall six weeks before spring vacation when Tsukishima mom wasn't going to make it. They were going to take her off life support and he tried to consult Tsukishima but these words hit him like a sack of rocks. His heart doubles in pain as Tsukishima yells at him  _ "Just because your mom has a set date to die doesn't mean mine does! She still has a chance unlike yours. Stop comparing my mom to yours!"  _ Hinata doesn't know what comes over him in that moment when he slaps Tsukishima across the face and he runs.. he doesn't need the reminder that his mom is dying, he's already accepted it, his sister is going to be taken away from him, and there's nothing he can do. He's helpless. He doesn't know what to do and his world is spinning till he feels his dad's hand on his shoulder. He's back. His head is back in place and he pushes the hand away. His father only has a hurt look on his face when his own son pushes him away. 

"Shoyo look at me. I'm sorry. I really am sorry that I've left you alone for all these years but I'm trying for your mother. For your sister. For you. I know me being here now isn't going to change the way you feel about me. It isn't going to change the last fifteen years. Your mother and I talked long and hard about Natsu and you. We are sorry we made this decision without you.. your mother wants you to keep the house and live there till you finish highschool but I have to take Natsu with me." His father tries to get him to understand.

Hinata only punches the wall next to him and replies "You don't even know anything about Natsu. I can take care of her. I can do it without you. I can-" he gets cut off by his dad who tries to shout over him "And Shoyo what are you going to do when you graduate from highschool! You can't pursue volleyball as a career with a sister you need to support! Do you think you can have a job, go to school, and still have time for Natsu!?" Hinata again punches the wall harshly not caring about the pain it causes him and he's vivid. "I've been doing it since she's been born!" His father is yelling back at him "And what money were you using to support your sister! Your mother! And yourself!! That's right mine! Shoyo you can still visit her! I don't see why you're making this a bigger issue than it is! You're acting like a child! When you're an adult you'll understand!" The shouting match that they were having as Hinata's hands begin to bleed had the nurses calling security. "I hate you! I hate you! I hate you!" Hinata practically screaming when the security guards try to drag him away from his father so that the nurses can look at his hand. 

After that outburst, the two of them were subdued for a while, and Hinata can barely look at his father or Tsukishima. He can't pay attention to Kageyama during their lunch and he can't focus on volleyball like he usually would. He's worried about Tsukishima, he's worried about his mom, his sister, and everything. Tsukishima avoids him after practice is over, they no longer go out for lunch, and meet at the bus stop. He's in agony as Tsuki avoids him and he know why he's being ignored by Tsuki. He knows Tsukishima regrets what he said so he doesn't push for an apology. He knows Tsukishima is hurting just as badly as he is and he knows Tsukishima needs the space but he also knows how much Kei needs him. He doesn't want to lose Tsuki too. 

When he gets to his mom's hospital room the day of Tsukishima moms funeral, he feels guilty for not going, he's fidgeting in the seat next to his mom, his sister is concerned over him, and his mom for the first time since she's been in the hospital speaks to him. "Shoyo" her voice was hoarse but she continues. "What's wrong?" She gave him a small reassuring smile. "My friend.. he.. he.. he lost his mom and her funeral is today.. he needs me.. but you need me too. You need me here.." there's a small quiver in his voice no longer his happy-go-lucky tone. His mom lethargicly reaches for him. "Shoyo, I still have time. I won't be alone. I promise. Go to him." She gives him a kind smile before ruffling his hair slowly. 

That was all he needed to drop everything and give his mom a kiss on the forehead. His mom, his most important person in his life next to his sister is giving him permission to go, and he runs to Tsukishima. He doesn't want to lose another important person in his life. So when he gets there he holds Tsukishima close and Tsuki doesn't let him go. He doesn't care how they look as they hear the eulogy or the odd looks he receives from Akiteru or Yamaguchi. He just holds him close to him as Kei sobs his heart out. He forgives him no matter what. 

Kei holds him all night crying and Hinata tries his best to soothe him by brushing his hair back like he would Natsu when she would cry herself to sleep. He's still murmuring apologies to Hinata and Hinata continues to forgive him. This continues every night after Hinatas visits with his mom in the hospital, he leaves clothes for himself there now, and brings most of the groceries to cook for Kei and his family. He begrudgingly lets Natsu stay with his father because he knows she needs to start getting used to living with him. Natsu every night would beg for Shoyo to come home with her but he can't stand to be around his father and instead he would always promise her that he would always be a phone call away. 

It isn't until Kei has the courage to speak up. "I want to meet your mom. I want to apologize to her directly." Hinata doesn't have the heart to reject the vulnerable Tsukishima so he agrees on a date. "Okay Kei" he whispers. "Are you sure you can handle it?" His hand is in Kei's hair as he speaks lowly. He only feels Kei nod on his chest and soft snores. He joins Kei in his dreams. 

Tsukishima meeting his mom has Hinata a nervous mess the whole day. He's never had any of his friends meet his mom before especially someone like Tsukishima. He never thought there would be a day that his mom would meet potentially one of his bestest friends in his whole life. Not even Kageyama or his childhood friends have met her. She's always been too sick to attend to them. When he met Tsukishima at their usual spot before heading to the bus stop, he thought he heard his name but dismisses it, his anxiety, and his sweating hands distract him. 

"I hope you like her. She's really nice and she doesn't look a lot like me. You know. She's very pale though but don't say anything about it." He rambles on and bites at his nails. He feels the familiar stirring of his stomach grumbling and the pain but before all of that can happen. Tsukishima hugs him and it's all he needs to calm down. He never known Tsukishima as someone who would be so touch starved and they stay like that till they get to the hospital. Tsukishima holds onto Hinata sleeves as he's being led to the hospital room. Natsu and his father aren't there yet, he assumes it's because they're packing her things to be sent to Tokyo, and Hinata shakes his head to not think about it. They're quiet when they enter the room and Hinata sets up a chair for Tsuki next to him. His mom is still sleeping so they sit there in silence and he gives Tsuki quick glances to check if he's okay. 

"How long does she usually sleep?" Only a mere whisper from Tsukishima and he replies "sometimes she sleeps the whole night when we are here or she'll wake up for a few hours." They continue the soft conversations with Tsukishima asking him questions and him answering as best he can. The sound of the door opening behind them puts their conversation to a stand still and its Natsu with his father walking in. The displeased look on his father's face shows how much he doesn't like Tsukishima there. Another argument happens outside in the hospital corridor this one even worse then the last and the sound of thumping is heard. The commotion wakes Hinata's mom and a small conversation happens between Tsukishima and her. 

Hinata is quick to say goodbye to his mom and take Tsukishima home. Tsuki only hugs Hinata to his chest and he wants to ask Hinata but he stays quiet. He focuses on the damage that has been put onto Hinata's hand. When they get to Tsukishima's home, Hinata quickly packs his things, and Kei manages to stop him to take a look at his hand. "Are you stupid? Do you know what the King will say if you break your hand? How will you play volleyball Hinata?" Tsuki is scolding him with tears in his eyes. "Don't you ever f*cking do it again. Got it?" He carefully bandages his hand and he requests it again. "Don't you ever f*cking hurt yourself again? Do you understand me? Get it through your thick skull because you have me now. Okay." Hinata nods quickly. "I can't hear you Shoyo. I want you say it to me." There's anger laced with worry in his tone and his tears roll faster than he can control. "Yes. I understand. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I promise." Hinata wipes Kei tears and nods. He cups Kei face in his hands and smiles at him. "I promise." He kisses his forehead. 

The argument with Kageyama took a huge toll on him. He does his best to stay calm but the argument escalates. "Why don't you talk to me!! Why are you trusting that asshole over me Hinata! We are supposed to be partners! You're my best friend but you keep lying to me!!" Kageyama voice thunders in the gym and Hinata yells back "I don't have to tell you everything that's going on in my life Kageyama!! And you leave Tsukishima out of this! You wouldn't understand me like he would!" Kageyama looks ready for an even bigger fight. "Then try me Hinata! Let me see what I can do to understand!" Hinata only refutes back "You wouldn't be able to! You wouldn't understand! I don't want to talk about it with you!!" Kageyama only shouts back "what makes Tsukishima so much better than me! I can do what he can!" The shouting only stops when Tsukishima appears by the door, looking ready to rip Kageyama a new one, but Hinata stops him. "Stop. I'm late either way. I can't deal with this." Hinata says to Kei as he drags him away. "You can't let him talk to you this way Hinata." Kei says. "I don't want to deal with that Tsukishima. I don't. I have enough.. I care about Kageyama. I can even say I like him from the bottom of my heart but right now. I can't. I can't okay?" Tsukishima only just gives him a one armed hug. "Okay. Okay." 

They walk to the bus stop and they stand together quietly. "My father didn't want you there yesterday.." he pauses for a second to get a reaction from Tsukishima and continues. "He thinks I was introducing you as my boyfriend to my mom. I told him that you weren't, that you were one of my best friends, and that there are more important matters at hand to deal with then having a gay son." Tsukishima fakes a small laugh, it was clear those words hurt him more than he made it out to be, and he thinks it must be because he keeps heading to the hospital his mom died. "Who would ever want to date a shrimp like you? Probably the King." He says it like an insult and there are tears rolling down. "Are you sure you still want to come? You can stay home.. I know it hurts having to go back there.." Hinata tugs on Kei sleeves worried about him. "No. It's fine. I just would rather be somewhere else then at home." Hinata nods and leans onto him. 

It was three days before spring break when Hinata's mom finally, peacefully, passed away. Shoyo held Natsu close to him as she let out wails of distress and Shoyo continues to whisper soft phrases. "She's in heaven now Natsu. She's no longer in pain." He doesn't remember what else he says to soothe his sister but he manages to calm her. His father signs all the paperwork that is needed for the funeral which happens the next day. The funeral only consisted of his grandparents, his father, Natsu, and himself. He sits there isolated blankly staring at his mothers happy picture as they start the eulogy and he holds Natsu's hand. Everything moves so quickly for him to comprehend, all of a sudden he's back at home, and he's holding tighter onto Natsu's hand as she erupts into a begging mess wanting to stay with her brother. He grips her as best he could but she slips from his hand and she's long gone. He tries to run after her. Tries his best to catch up but he couldn't. 

He failed her. He breaks all those promises made.

He doesn't remember how he gets home or how he ends up curled up in a ball on the floor. He just knows his world is spinning. He is lost in this sea of self-decay and failure. He wants to die and he doesn't know what to do. He needs his mom. He needs his sister. He needs a reason.. then he remembers the notes his mother gave him and with the shooting pain in his stomach he reaches his room. He grabs the box and it slips from his hand. The notes all written by his mother surround him and he reads but he doesn't know if it's enough. It isn't. He pulls himself back into a ball, the excruciating pain in his stomach has him howling, and the darkness that consumes his body has him falling into a cold abyss of self-hatred. He doesn't know how to get out and he tries to recall every memory of his mother trying to encourage him but it isn't enough. He's so cold even though it's spring, he's burning out, and he's unstable. He wants to cry for help but there's no one here. He deserves this. He let his mother die. He let his sister go. He feels himself implode from the amount of self-resentment and he shrieks from the toment that his mind puts him through. Everything is crashing down on him and there's no one here. The silence in the house reminds him of how alone he is. How lonely he really is. How his life revolved around his sister and his mother. He closes his eyes tightly as his body is completely tremoring and a cold sweat forms. How does he come back to from this? 

He doesn't know how long he's been in that fetal position but he does feel himself getting picked up. He's engulfed in a warmth unlike no other and he is rising up out the hole he's put himself in. He holds on and he opens his eyes to the moon shining down on him. It's Tsukishima holding him tight, keeping him warm, and he finally utters a sentence he never ever wished to say "I lost my mom.." He's overcome with grief as he silently weeps onto the only person he can rely on. "I lost my mom and it's all my fault." Tsukishima only pulls Hinata closer and hums. He's lamenting too as he allows Hinata to curl into him. "It's not your fault Shoyo. It's not." His tears are rolling down on Shoyos face but he doesn't care he needs to make sure Hinata knows he isn't at fault. He repositions them on the bed and it's just them in their own little world. He cups Shoyos face in his hands, the fire that Shoyo feels from Kei's softness with him as his tears continue to drop, and the fondness that comes from Kei's face who is mourning as well has him crawling out of the hole he's made. "Look at me. It's not your fault. Nothing is your fault." Kei tries to sound strong but his voice only sounds wobbly and he continues "we are going to get through this. Together. The sun and the moon remember?" He rubs his thumb over the tears on Hinata's face, he loves the way his hand feels on Hinata's cheek, and he's crying too. "Just like you said it's a sh*t show now but it's going to get better. Life is going to get better but we have to do this together." Tsukishima embraces him again and Hinata wraps his arms around him. Just like this, they stay and Hinata knows the recovery will be long and hard but with Tsukishima he's going to be alright. He needs him. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Now that we have seen Tsukishima and Hinata's backstory, I want to go a fluff route for the next chapter, and before I get into more TsukiHina on the following chapter. I wanted to introduce Yachi but the next chapter won't be from her perspective.   
> Next Chapter: A Guy that I'd Kinda Be Into


	5. A Guy That I'd Kinda Be Into

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A continuation of Yamaguchi's chapter and Yamaguchi struggling to whether to fight to be with Kageyama or let him go but some wise words from Yachi has him rethinking what he wants to do.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A Guy That I'd Kinda Be Into from the musical Be More Chill.
> 
> I wasn't expecting for this chapter to be long. I hope you enjoy the read. I know I'm taking a while to get all the pieces together and I'm sorry for it being a slow story but I really want the chapters to be good. I also know that a lot of people are looking for a smut and trust me I will have those chapters but not yet. I don't feel like they're ready for it yet.

Chapter 5 - A Guy I'd Kinda Be Into 

Waking up next to Kageyama was the best feeling in the world for Yamaguchi especially since Kageyama was actually a total cuddler in bed. He turns to face the sleeping Kageyama, he really wants to touch his face but refrains, and keeps his hands to himself. 'Such a cute face. I wonder how he keeps his face clear. Must be from all the exercise or maybe he uses an acne cleanser. He did tell me his sister is working to be a hair and make-up stylist. His bed hair looks like a bird nest though.' A soft smile graces Yamaguchi lips. 'Ah how can I even think about wanting to be with a King. Me. A commoner compared to him and compared to Hinata who is the embodiment of the sun. I'm nothing..' Yamaguchi then proceeds to get out of Kageyamas arms as much as it hurts him to leave the comfort, he needs to make them breakfast, and get their baths ready since they didn't the day before. Now that he thinks about it as he's slipping out of bed, do they have practice today?

He checks his phone and he's happy to see no practice but he does have a message from Yachi which isn't entirely odd. Yachi and him have been texting more often then not. They actually have a lot of the same likes and dislikes. Though this message gives him goosebumps and has his heart beating to the max. 

Yachi: Hello Yamaguchi-Kun. I didn't know Kageyama and you were in a relationship. <3 that's so cute. I even took a picture. 

Yamaguchi never once wanted to shoot himself in the foot but right now he thinks he really does. He's been really careful with the way he showed his love for Kageyama. He always made sure he's never seen by any of his teammates or Tsukishima. He always made sure the way he held onto Kageyama was barely noticeable. He would avert his eyes when Kageyama served, he didn't stare at him like he could in private, and he sure tried to keep the touches to a minimum only if Kageyama really needed it which was mostly after every practice. None of his teammates have noticed neither has Tsukishima, then again Tsukishima and him are in a weird place right now, and they haven't talked since his mom's funeral. He's curious on Hinata's and Tsuki relationship too like Kageyama. Maybe a little angry at Hinata when Tsuki relied on him more than his actual best friend.. he isn't jealous. Nope. 

He shakes his head. He needs to collect his thoughts, he needs to fix the misunderstanding before it spreads, and especially to Hinata and Tsukishima ears. He knows Yachi will never speak a word, she's trustworthy, and kind but he doesn't need anybody to know that he's in love with Kageyama. He wasn't ready to talk about it to anyone and he didn't want to get his hopes up by having someone push him toward trying to win Kageyama when he knows he'll lose to Hinata. He's already lost Tsukishima to him. No wait, no he didn't Tsukishima is still his best friend, and they still have lunch together on some days albeit they aren't the same as before. At least he thinks they're still best friends. He slaps his cheeks. 'Ah Tadashi you have to get yourself together. You need to tell Yachi the truth.' He says to himself and texts Yachi. 

Gucci: Yachi-chan you got it all wrong. Kageyama and I are just friends!! 

Yachi sends a picture of Kageyama and him holding hands. 

Yachi: Ahh I'm sorry for assuming! Gomen gomen.   
Yachi: But ummm what was yesterday about? 

Yamaguchi sighs, he saves the picture of them in his secret photo album, and hits himself again in the head. 

Gucci: Can we not talk about it over text? It's a lot more complicated. 

Now he has to inadvertently avoid Yachi for the rest of his highschool life. He's ruined. She's going to tell the team then they're going to bully him and even worse Kageyama will cast him out of his life. Tsukishima will just hurl insults at him for the rest of his highschool life. Hinata will.. well.. he's not really sure what Hinata would do. Hinata has always been a really nice and accepting person but that's not the point. How could he have been so careless to have forgotten the one other person who would be watching everyone? Not only that Yachi is more Hinata's friend so she'll obviously tell Hinata.

Yachi: Alright let's talk during lunch. I promise I won't say anything. :) 

Yamaguchi sighs. He forgets sometimes that he overly escalates the situation just like Yachi does. He checks the picture of Kageyama and him again and he can't help admit they both do look cute. He looks back to see if Kageyama was still sleeping; which he was. He takes a picture of the sleeping Kageyama and keeps it in his secret album for later occasions. 'Kami-sama wants to kill me one day for my creep status doesn't it?' Yamaguchi thinking to himself as he looks at the image. 'Ah so cute.' Why is he so in love and creepy at the same time? If Tsukishima were here, he would be giving him such a disgusted look on his face. Yamaguchi slaps himself again in the face. 'I have to get to making breakfast and homework with Kageyama.'

Yamaguchi heads to his bathroom to do the essentials and then heads to the kitchen to prepare what is a very late breakfast. He didn't realize Kageyama was that exhausted from all of the drama from yesterday. He makes some frozen waffles on the toaster and attempts to make some sunnyside eggs. He tries to ignore the numerous messages going through his phone. He knows it must be from Yachi. He hears the sound of footsteps from his room and he knows it's Kageyama whose finally woken up. 

"Yamaguchi?" Kageyama sleepy voice has Yamaguchi shiver. He's never realized Kageyama's voice can get him so thirsty. "Y-yes Kageyama?" His voice sound a bit too nervous and he wants to kick himself mentally. "Yesterday.." Kageyama was clearly struggling for words and it makes Yamaguchi a bit apprehensive. 'Ah did I touch him too much? Was he uncomfortable being on the bed with me!? Ahhh why did I forget to roll out a futon for myself! Maybe he's figured me out.. no wait it's Kageyama.' As Yamaguchi continues to ramble in his head about all of the mishaps of the day before and over analyze the situation from yesterday; Kageyama finally finds the words. "Thank you for yesterday!" He's lightly blushing and bowing at an impossible angle. Yamaguchi fumbles for words now and he's waving his hands around trying to get Kageyama to stop bowing. "It's okay! It's okay! You're my friend!" Yamaguchi is flushed and it hurts him to say those words that they're just friends. 

"Yamaguchi-kun.. I'm sorry for always troubling you." Kageyama continues to bow and Yamaguchi continues to stop him from it. He's not used to this at least this is a first for him to have someone like Kageyama groveling. Maybe it's because Kageyama is comfortable being so openly apologetic and thankful towards Yamaguchi that he has no problem with groveling. "Please stop Kageyama. It's a little too much. I'm your friend. Friends help each other through thick and thins." He sees Kageyama's eyes sparkle a bit and he's only seen them sparkle when Kageyama is busy staring at Hinata. Yamaguchi really just wants to crawl in a hole and die from the way Kageyama is staring at him. Yamaguchi all flushed red and he doesn't expect the next few words from Kageyama. It can't help but make him feel even more heartbroken than he already is or secretly brimming with happiness. He decides to let the feeling of happiness cover his heartache. "You're my best friend Yamaguchi." Kageyama tone sounds even more hyped then usual and Yamaguchi is excited too as he says "and you're mine too.."

The smell of eggs burning gets them out of their daze and Yamaguchi rushes to save his parents kitchen from a potential fire. Needless to say, the eggs weren't saved, and Yamaguchi and Kageyama were stuck eating waffles for breakfast. The small smile on Kageyama's face though was worth it for Tadashi and he knows his heart can't take it. He has hearts fluttering around him as he stares at Kageyama eating in his own little world and he wants to take a picture. He reaches for his phone and he winces at the amount of messages he's received from Yachi. Kageyama notices and sets his utensils down. He grimaces a bit not liking the way Kageyama smile turned into a thoughtful one. 'Ah I don't like that face. That means he has something on his mind.' Yamaguchi takes a sip from his drink before Kageyama blurts out. "You said you loved someone new?" Yamaguchi spit takes onto Kageyama. 

Kageyama is astonished by the way Yamaguchi spits most of his drink which he dodges before he's covered. "Should I have not asked?" Kageyama says shyly. Yamaguchi blushes again and he really wants to shoot himself. "No. No. No. No it's alright. I mean I did mention it yesterday." Yamaguchi stumbles to say the right words and Kageyama eyes sparkle again with curiosity. 'Kami-sama why is Kageyama so pure well his mind isn't all innocent but dammit. His face is just so cute and beauteous. How could he make the most endearing of faces?' Yamaguchi needs to collect himself because he can't exactly tell Kageyama that he's in love with him. 'Oh f*ck what do I say. Wait when did he get so close!!' Yamaguchi feels like he's going to faint from all the blood rushing to his head as Kageyama intense curiousity and preciousness is too much for him. 

It's the ding from his phone that saves him from Kageyama concentrated stare. "I should answer Yachi-chan!!" There's a look of realization in Kageyama's face and Yamaguchi wants to kill himself. 'Here lies Tadashi Yamaguchi. Cause of Death: The love of his life embarrassed him, all the blood from his body went to his head, and exploded.' He can already see the grave stone and the flowers being thrown at his grave. His teammates all gathered around his grave laughing at his situation as he's being buried six feet under. 'NO! NO! Kageyama you're connecting the wrong dots. Why are you so adorably simple?'

"You like Yachi-chan.. but wait I thought you liked boys." Kageyama was thoughtful for a bit and Yamaguchi can only just cover his face in shame. He always forgets that his crush is slow-witted and he's mortified. Now Kageyama thinks he likes Yachi which somewhat works out for him but now Kageyama is going to do everything in his power to get him together with Yachi which is a big no-no for him. Since Yachi is actually dating their third year libero which nobody knows except him and oh dear god Kageyama is going to get him murdered. He sees it in the headlines already 'Local Miyagi boy found dead after being squashed by six hundred pounds of tuna.' 

"You can help me with Hinata. I can help you with Yachi it's the least I can do for all you've done for me. I'll even have my sister get me all the romance books we will need." Kageyama now is determined. Yamaguchi doesn't feel the need to correct him because he is officially doomed. Why even try anymore. He's got the spotlight on him for once and it's not even for the right reason. Kageyama's excitement for this is also contagious and instead of ruining the mood. He accepts his fate sullenly. 

The rest of the day goes by with Kageyama plotting on how he will confess to Hinata and how Yamaguchi should confess as well. Yamaguchi also spends it mentally preparing his will and forcing Kageyama to do homework. It isn't until it's time for Kageyama to leave is when he finally focuses on what Kageyama is saying. "Do you think Hinata will accept my confession?" Kageyama sounding insecure isn't his style so Yamaguchi forces a smile. "Hinata would be too stupid to reject you also you still have a chance. It's not like Tsuki and him are dating or anything." Why does he sabotage himself? He should have just told Kageyama to give up and go for someone easier but it's just not his way. He isn't that selfish of a person and he wouldn't dare be that much of an envious person. Kageyama practically sparkles when Tadashi tells him that and grabs his hand to intertwine them. It's the first time Kageyama does it himself and Yamaguchi feels the sparks he feels everytime they do this. Maybe he is just imagining it but the electicity he feels on his fingertips is even worse than when he started liking Tsukishima. "I'm going to do it when we have our last practice match on the last day of our training camp at Nekoma." Kageyama squeezes his hands. "Again.. thank you Yamaguchi-kun." Yamaguchi can't help but feel his heart snap but nonetheless smiles brokenly "As I said friends help each other." 

When Kageyama leaves Yamaguchi tries his best not to feel empty. It's always been like this for him.. The guys he likes never seems to like him back. Tsukishima is a first and he was rejected quite easily by him and Kageyama well he likes Hinata. Someone he can never win against.

The next day at school, Yamaguchi knew it was going to be hard to pretend that he liked Yachi, and it's not that he didn't. He does. Just he prefers Kageyama and especially when he really does try not to gawk at Kageyamas muscle in the locker room. Sometimes he feels it's getting harder and harder everyday to hide his real feelings in front of his teammates at least they still haven't caught on then again they aren't that smart. He was kinda hoping Tsuki caught onto him sooner or later so that they have a topic to talk about and things wouldn't be so awkward but Tsukishima is still in mourning and seemingly dependent on Hinata. He is not jealous..

Yamaguchi for some reason thinks he's cursed. Maybe his ancestors had pissed off some sort of love god and now he's cursed into liking guys who always seem to have some sort of emotional constipation issue or they just seem to have family issue. 'Yeah, thank you cupid.' He says to himself as he watches Kageyama set flawlessly to Tanaka. 'yeah let's just shoot an arrow through my heart.' The good thing about being able to watch Kageyama at practice is that no one will pay him any mind because the first years are always so busy fawning over Yachi or Hinata as always. The third years don't pay him much mind either as they seem to focus on Tsukishima or Kageyama. He doesn't fail though to notice the knowing eyes of Yachi on his back and he bites his cheek while looking away to try to hide the lovey-dovey eyes he's giving Kageyama. 

It was a nerve wrecking morning for Yamaguchi and finally meeting with Yachi has his nerves on cool down. He feels bad about leaving Tsukishima alone in the classroom but that feeling goes away when he thinks 'well Tsuki has been ditching me more often than not so it's fine if I do it too.' He buys his lunch and meets Yachi on the rooftops. He sends a text to Kageyama saying he's eating lunch with Yachi and Kageyama responds with a pikachu shocked face. He can't help but chortle at that, he can't believe how much he's gotten Kageyama addicted to using gifs and memes for texts. He thinks about the look Kageyama might have as he's sending these memes and he knows Kageyama has that adorable look on his face that he wants to kiss all over. The fond look on his face has Yachi clearing her throat and he reverts to his typical rest face. 

They sit there in silence for a bit, Yamaguchi taking small bites of his lunch, and Yachi thinking of ways to bring up the topic until she decides to cut to the chase. 

"How long have you liked him?" Yachi spouts out and Yamaguchi exhales responding "I think about three months." He has a light blush on his cheek. 

"Why were you holding hands with him if you weren't dating?" Yachi asks and it's a bit of a back and forth between them. 

"It's a little complicated.. I don't know if Kageyama-kun would like it if I say anything about it." He grimaces a bit hoping Yachi doesn't push further into it and she did seem to understand to drop the topic.

"Why haven't you confessed yet?" She was curious and Yamaguchi tries not to sound dejected. "Just haven't had the courage to confess." Yachi knows it's a lie so she presses forward and it feels like she's stabbing him with a knife. The pain is sharp and direct to his heart. 

"He's in love with someone else isn't he?" Her voice sounds pitiful to him and he stays quiet. "Is it Hinata?"

He squishes the sandwich he bought in his hands. "Is he that obvious?" Yamaguchi frowns. "Well, he did look like he wanted to murder Tsukishima but he always wants to do that. He also looked like he wanted to smother Hinata in hugs and kisses and he only seems to listen Hinata-kun. He kinda has the look too, the one Noya-Kun has when he looks at me, and yeah.. gomen." Yachi blushes a bit when she mentions Noya they're still not in first name bases yet and she feels as though she babbled to much. Yamaguchi finally snaps.

"Why is he so into Hinata! When Hinata hasn't even given him any attention." Yamaguchi lets out a frustrated groan. "It's not fair Yachi-chan. I. He. I. You know I never thought of Kageyama like that right before!" He gets up suddenly and he looks down at the schoolyard. "Before it was all like woah he's the King of the court. Oh wow he's such a d*ck especially in junior high. Tsukishima was always like that asshole only cares about himself and I'm glad he has no friends. I was like cool Tsuki cause you know I liked Tsuki back then so it was obvious to go with whatever he does right.. Right. And then highschool happened it was like holy sh*t don't judge a book by a cover. Well he was still an asshole but he's such a total dork Yachi." He takes a small pause to breathe.

"I mean I'm the one he goes to when he needs help and I'm the one he holds hands with. He thanks me and he's always sorry when he does something wrong. He gets me soggy fries from the cafeteria. He remembers what I like you know." He sighs and continues his rambling to Yachi. "Before Nationals I've never thought of Kageyama as a guy I would be into you know but now he's so f*cking hot and handsome." He's shaking his hips now and he faces Yachi looking a bit wild. He's waving his hands around and Yachi is trying her best to stop Yamaguchi from going into a one hundred page detailed essay on how much he is thirsty for Kageyama Ass. 

"One day I saw him right and typically I leave him alone when he's pissed off but I saw him crying Yachi! Crying! I know right Kageyama crying over something that isn't volleyball. I was like woah. Kageyama is human like us. He isn't just a volleyball robot. He has depth. He has feelings." He kinda calms down obviously noticing the way Yachi is completely frightened. He slides down to the floor and he waits for Yachi to be fully there before he progresses. 

"When we talked it was different then with Tsukishima and me. It wasn't a one-sided conversation of me rambling on and on. It was special and we held hands. He makes me feel whole Yachi.. i know it's embarrassing to fall for someone so fast. Maybe a little childish but Kageyama he's different." He takes a bite from his crushed sandwich and Yachi sits nexts to him. 

"We cuddle too and we hang out to the arcade and watch movies. We do a lot of things together and he may be a dummy sometimes but that's what makes him a such a cool dork to hangout with. I like him.. like I really really like him but he only has eyes for Hinata and it's not only him who has eyes for Hinata even Tsuki. Everyone has their eyes on Hinata." His voice quickly decreasing in volume and waits for Yachi to respond. 

"I wouldn't say everyone has eyes on Hinata-kun. Sure, Hinata is the sun and we revolve around him like the planets in the galaxy but Hinata is also human and you're putting him up in a pedestal like you do Kageyama and Tsuki. It's okay to act like Villager B and be Villager B sometimes Yamaguchi but Villager B also has to learn to fight for what he wants. You're scared of failing but that's okay we are still teenagers. My mom always says that you are at the age were mistakes can be made and be learned from." Her voice soft. "If you really really liked Kageyama and heck want him so bad fight for him. Make him fall for you. You can do it Yamaguchi." She pumps her arm and their is a light fire in her eyes. 

"Don't you get it Yachi.. he likes Hinata. I also won't be able to satisfy his volleyball craze and be as a good as him and.." he sighs and Yachi gives him a look. "This isn't about volleyball though. This is about Kageyama and you and so what if you can't satisfy his volleyball craze. It's okay to have differences. To be different from each other." Yachi smiles at him as if she knows something he doesn't. "I mean from what you told me now. It almost sounded like you two were dating but without the kissing and so what if he likes Hinata. Yamaguchi he isn't dating him yet. He isn't with him. So fight. Make him change his mind." Yamaguchi sees the same fire in Yachi eyes and he starts to feel a bit motivated too. "Do you really think it's worth it though? Going through a heartache?" Yachi nods while speaking "Absolutely. You should fight for it and you aren't going to go through another heartache when you haven't even been rejected yet right?" She gives him a thumbs up. 

"You're right. I haven't been rejected yet by Kageyama. I'm going to try this time. I'm going to win him over." Yamaguchi gets up his resolve made. Yachi's words really worked on him and he gives her a soft kiss on the cheek. "Thank you." Yachi only smiles 

"But wait.. aren't you more Hinata's friend? Wait if you're telling me to go for Kageyama then that means you know Hinata isn't into Kageyama right?" Yamaguchi is optimistic now. Yachi places her hands up in surrender. "You're both my friends. It isn't who was friends first or anything. I just want you both to be happy." She dodges the question and gives Yamaguchi a reassuring smile. Tadashi takes it as is and packs his things. "Well I gotta get started right. I have to go buy Kageyama his milk." As he walks out of the rooftops he looks back to Yachi. "Thank you Yachi-chan" he rushes out feeling confident in himself for once in his life. 

'Just you wait Kageyama I'll make you fall for me.'

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I didn't know who to ship Yachi with so I basically just flipped a die. I was originally going to do a YamaYachi unrequited love thing but I feel as though that would complicate my story. 
> 
> Next Chapter 6 - Crystals from Of Monster and Men.


	6. Black Water

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Akiteru is worried about Kei's mental health but Kei is stubborn to open up to him which leads to an argument between the two brothers and Kei running away from home.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the late chapter, life and writer's block hit me right in the head, and so I hope you enjoy this chapter. I also changed the chapter name to Black Water by Of Monsters and Men.

**Chapter 6 - Black Water**

Akiteru watches his brother Kei as he sits at the dining room table, an incessant foot-tapping coming from Kei as he scrolls through his phone. Typically Hinata would be at the house at this time, starting on their dinner, and then after dinner Kei and Hinata would head up to Kei's room. He would hear Kei cry or Hinata's soft voice. It's a contrast to the loudness that is from the tangerine he remembers, sometimes he wonders if they're two different people. When he would pass by the room, he would try to make his steps quiet to not trespass on the haven his brother and Hinata have created, and it hurts overhearing Kei suffer while not being the one to wipe the tears away even more so than when he destroyed his volleyball memorabilia. There are two differences about tonight's that their mother is at grief counseling and will be for the rest of spring break. Another difference tonight is that Kei didn't come home with Hinata and Akiteru can tell that his brother isn't taking the separation well as the tapping continues. He hears a growl coming from Kei's stomach and he thinks 'Did he eat at all today? Does he rely on Hinata that much for food? I was sure he grabbed money from the money jar for lunch..' 

The way Kei is shaking with his phone in his hands and his foot tapping on the floor stressed is unlike him or at least wasn't like him before they lost their mom. It's the first time in the last three months of their hell that he's able to take in his brother's appearance. His brother has dark bags under his eyes, his eyes were the color pink from the amount of crying he does at night, his hair had long lost its bright blonde shine, and his skin was a deathly white. He's thankful for Hinata. He knows Kei would have been worse off without his counterpart though he would have liked it if Kei spoke with Tadashi more that way he can get a bit of a perspective of what's going on inside his mind. 

He isn't a stranger to this sort of emotional pain. He did lose his father at a young age and his brother was still a baby when they lost him. He's seen his mother grieve before, he's seen her fall in love, and get married. He learned from that experience of his mother but what he didn't take into account was his brother. His brother who was typically made of ice is now on the verge of shattering or maybe he was already shattered by the way he looked at the funeral. Hell, Akiteru doesn't know what his brother has been through. Kei would always say he was fine and so he focused on his mother who has lost not one but two spouses in her lifetime. 

Akiteru decides to sit across his brother to get a better look at Kei. He knows he has to be careful with his words and the way he talks. He can see the tell-tale sign of his brother's anxiousness. Kei bites at his fingertips, a nervous habit he's recently picked up, and the thudding worsen as Kei placed his phone on the table. Akiteru thinks if he's made a mistake allowing Hinata to take care of his brother. He's an idiot to think his brother was fine. He should have known his brother well enough that he would lie to him and say he's fine. 

"How was school today?" Akiteru asks quietly, he doesn't receive a response from Kei just a glance, and he feels himself awkwardly tapping with his fingers on the dining table. "Hinata is late today. You guys are usually here by this time." He winces as he sees the look on his brother's face, it's blank and his eyes are dull. "He didn't come to school today." His voice sounds so wrecked and breathless compared to his usual monotone or snarky tone he usually takes. "Oh.." an awkward tension arises between the both of them. Akiteru wants to reach out to him but he doesn't know how to help Kei. He can only console him based on his experience but he feels those efforts would be useless. 

"What if something happened to his mom.. and I'm not there with him. He's alone Aki. What if he hurts himself?" Akiteru notices the way Kei is barely breathing, he's seen this before but where? Kei bites harshly at his thumb concern all over his face. "His mom?" Akiteru knows now that was the wrong thing to ask and it was the first mistake he made because he grimaces at the way Kei looks at him which makes him shiver. "Yes, his mom. What the hell do you think he was doing at the hospital Akiteru!?" Kei raises his voice frustration evident in his tone and Akiteru closes his eyes for a second to reply. It never really occurred to him why Hinata was there. He just saw Hinata as a familiar face, a warm trusting person that he could entrust his brother to while he dealt with his mother, and to be honest he was very desperate and not thinking. "I thought he had a sports injury. I didn't ask him... I was busy with our mother, you know that." This seems to get Kei to stop attacking his thumb and look at Akiteru; another mistake. Kei is sweating a bit, 'why is he sweating? it isn't even hot,' and Kei is vivid. "Oh, kami-sama what if something happened to him and I'm not there. I'm not there. His mom is sick and he'll be alone or he hurts himself after he promised!" He sounds out of breath, gulping for air, and Akiteru reaches for his brother's hand. "You know Hinata is a strong person. I doubt he's injured too and I mean He has his own family too right and they might have wanted him to come home and…" he cuts himself off and he realizes the third mistake he makes. Kei gets even worse and he's at a loss for words he wishes Hinata were here. He doesn't know what to do so he takes out his phone. His brother has tears in his eyes and he's holding his chest now. Akiteru panics. 

He texts the one only person he trusts, his girlfriend Saeko, and it's a quick message. 

**Akiteru** : Saeko... I don't know what to do my brother. He needs Hinata but he isn't here... 

He's glad his girlfriend is quick, he loves her so much, and she's gone through so much for him. She helped him prepare for the funeral and get his mother to therapy that she needed. She was another godsend and he wants to marry her but now isn't the right time. 

**Saeko** : What's going on Aki!? Do you need me to come over!? 

**Akiteru** : My brother... I think.. he's having a panic or an anxiety attack... If Hinata were here he would know what to do but he isn't here and Kei doesn't trust me like him.

**Saeko** : First of all, calm down. Slap yourself in the face. Secondly, your brother needs you just because he's been relying on Hinata-kun doesn't mean you aren't still his brother. Thirdly, get him to look at you and calmly breathe. It'll be tough to get him to normal but you got this honey. 

**Akiteru** : Thank you bunny. I love you. 

Akiteru takes a deep breath and he makes a quick decision to go to Kei's room, he is sure that Hinata might have left something of his, and he's throwing things around to look for something of his. He finds a leftover of Hinata's practice shirts tucked to the side of the bed and grabs Kei's dinosaur blanket for good measure. He gives himself a short mental pep talk and he can practically feel his mom's spirit pushing him forward. He takes the step forward and he reaches Kei who is somehow on the floor by now. He can practically feel the waves of pain and anxiousness, the sweat rolling off his brother, and the barely audible sobs due to the lack of air. He kneels by his brother, covers him in the dinosaur blanket, and softly places a hand on Kei's cheek. 

"Kei. I'm going to need you to look at me okay?" He keeps his tone mellow. "What you're having right now is a panic attack." He wants to apologize to Kei but he knows it isn't the time as he places Hinata's shirt in Kei's hand. Kei opens his eyes to focus on his brother, his eyes red from the tears he's shed, and his hands clench Hinata's shirt as if he'll lose it. Akiteru wraps his arms carefully around his brother not wanting to spook him even more. "Now I'm going to need you to breathe with me alright." Akiteru sets a slow breathing pace for Kei to follow, he remains calm throughout it, and Kei breathes into Hinata's shirt the smell comforts him. "That's it Kei. I'm so proud of you. You're so strong and we're going to get through this." Akiteru murmurs in Kei's hair as they continue the pattern for the next fifteen minutes. He feels his brother droop in his arms and keep Hinata's shirt in his nose. "Good job Kei. You did such a good job." He rubs his brothers back in a comforting manner.

It takes another thirty minutes to finally get his brother to get up, he gets him to a warm bath, it's quiet between them, and he doesn't want to break the silence. He notices that Kei never lets go of Hinata's shirt and occasionally presses it to his nose. He knows his brother is going to need therapy for the codependent habit he's developed and the panic or anxiety attack that Kei went through but for now, he helps his brother to bed. He tucks him in with the dinosaur blanket and Kei sighs into Hinata's shirt. "Thank you, Aki." It's quiet but Akiteru hears it. He waits for Kei to fall asleep before collapsing outside his room with tears in his eyes, he texts Saeko and updates her of the situation. 

When Kei wakes up the next day, he feels boneless, and there is a pounding headache that’s probably associated with hunger. He looks to the side at his alarm clock, his vision is a bit blurry but he can tell he is late for school, and he tries to get up but he feels so tired. There’s a knock at the door and the smell of pancakes hit his nose. His stomach grumbles protesting and Akiteru walks in with said pancakes. “Hey, sleepyhead. I thought I’d let you sleep for the day since it’s your last day before spring break and look I made you some pancakes.” Kei recognizes that tone, the ‘we need to talk’ tone of voice, and Akiteru sits on his bedside. “Thank you.” Kei tries to sit up and reach for his glasses which are handed to him by Akiteru. He puts them on and he’s practically salivating as he looks at the delectable stack of pancakes with strawberry syrup. He wants to dig in as fast as possible but he holds on to that feeling and looks over to Akiteru waiting.

“I was really scared yesterday Kei... How long have you been having them? Did you forget to eat yesterday?” Kei only just shrugs and Akiteru sighs. “Well starting next week I want you to see a therapist and talk to one. This isn’t an if, and, or buts. You are going.” 

Kei glares at him and stubbornly responds “I’m not going. I don’t need one. I was fine with Hinata. It was a one-time thing yesterday. It won't happen again." 

Akiteru grits his teeth and responds “I told you it isn’t an, if, and or buts. You don't know if it'll happen again or not and what if I wasn't here yesterday. It could have been worse. So yes, you will go even if I have to drag you there Kei.” 

Kei scoffs, he should be too tired to fight with Akiteru but he still does. “I’m sorry. It's now that you've decided to care? Where were you in the last three months?" Kei is sarcastic now. He's putting up his walls again. That moment of vulnerability yesterday Kei is trying to cover it up and Akiteru isn't having it. "Why do you have to make everything so difficult Kei? I'm trying to help you. Maybe if it were Hinata who told you to go you would do it wouldn't you?" Kei gives him an icy stare and a fake laugh "Wow. You think you're being helpful by recommending me to a therapist when I'm telling you I'm fine and now you threaten to use Hinata against me. I'm sorry but that shrimp doesn't have any control over me. He doesn't force me to do things I don't want. He cares about me and he's the one who understands what I'm going through" Akiteru slams the food on the night table. "Why do you think I don't care about you!? I told you I was taking care of our mother!! You're my brother of course I care about you!! Just why can't you trust me!" Frustration etched all over Akiteru's face and Kei may feel weak but he will fight back "Since you broke it a long time ago! And I'm sorry that mother was the top priority for you that you forgot my existence for the last three months!" 

Akiteru yells back "Oh my Kami-sama! How long will you keep that volleyball bullsh*t over my head!! That was years ago! I thought we got over this already!! This is what is going on right now is at a different personal level than what volleyball is!! Our mother lost two loved ones in her life! I'm not sorry for prioritizing her over you! Her pain was even worse than yours! But if you could have just told me you weren't fine! You could have told Tadashi you weren't fine!" 

"You broke my damn trust! You lied to me! And now you're using my friend to spy on me! And you're even on a first-name basis with him! Just who the hell are you to judge who is in even more pain! And you wonder why I trust Hinata with how I feel!" Kei screams his throat hurts from how loud they're being and it's the first time his brother and he have had an argument that isn't volleyball related.

"This isn't what this is about!! This is about losing our mom! It's about you having a panic attack yesterday! It's about how f*cking scared I was yesterday! It's about the fact that you can't trust me because of some grade school sh*t that happened years ago! The only reason Hinata even stood by your side was that I made him promise me he would take care of you!" Akiteru booms loud enough to topple over whatever thing Kei might say. 

"Get the f*ck out.." Kei doesn't even bother to look at him as he turns his back to Akiteru. His stomach growls but he doesn't care, he feels dread at the pit of his stomach, and his chest hurts. Akiteru walks out of the room, closing the door by slamming it, and a loud sigh can be heard from outside his door. Once he senses his brother head back to the living room, he turns to the food, and he devours it quickly. His brother was right, he didn't eat yesterday, the stress of Hinata not being in school had his stomach in knots, and he couldn't focus. He finishes eating the pancakes and checks his phone for any new messages. He receives one message and it's from Yamaguchi. He decides to ignore it. He's nothing but a traitor to him by going behind his back to his brother.. then wouldn't Hinata be one too. 

No. No. He wouldn't. Hinata's mom has been sick way longer than his mom.. he shakes his head. Maybe it was all just a big coincidence that they were put together to mourn and fix each other together but then what happens after that would just prove Akiteru right that Hinata was only there because he pitied him. No. No. Hinata needs even more help than he does and who is Akiteru to tell him that his pain is less than his mother's.. to have Yamaguchi spy on him. His own best friend...

He holds Hinata's shirt in his hands, he doesn't know why Hinata's vanilla orange smell soothes him, and it's become a smell he seeks out at school and in the hospital. It makes him feel as though all his worries will wash away in a sea of black water and with Hinata by his side it distracts him from the thoughts of his mom but he isn't here. If you were to ask him what his opinion on Hinata was at the beginning of the year, it would have been irresponsible, idiotic, reckless, and especially annoying. Now he has a newfound respect for Hinata, he trusts Hinata, he's a bundle of warmth, he's soft, he's kind and hardworking. He just wants to place his hand in Hinata's fluffy orange hair and be consumed in the heat of the sun that he is. He misses him and it's only been one day without him. He receives another ping from his phone and checks it. An unknown message. 

**Unknown** : Tsuki-nii. It's Natsu-chan. Please help Sho-Sho. 

What is that supposed to mean? Is Hinata okay? Did his mom die? No... Hinata's mom died.. that means.. he's alone. He's all alone and he needs him... He knows Hinata's dad is an asshole. He knows Natsu is just an innocent bystander in all of this.. what would his mom do? Why would he think about his mom when Hinata is in trouble? He needs to pack his things, he needs to leave, and help Hinata. Hinata had helped him so far, he deserves the same amount of help he's received, and Hinata is his friend. He gets up off the bed with his mind made up, he knows Akiteru will probably stop him so he moves swiftly, and quietly as he packs his things. When he walks downstairs, he hears Akiteru on the phone, presumably with his girlfriend, and he doesn't take a chance to eavesdrop as he leaves the house with his packed bag. 

Akiteru hears the door close but thinks nothing of it as he continues his conversation with Saeko.

**Akiteru** : I just don't understand him sometimes. I'm trying to help him but he just pushes me away. I thought that with what happened yesterday he would have given me a chance Saeko...

**Saeko** : You're both going through a tough time right now Akiteru.. he's just a kid Aki and sometimes kids take in death differently. Your brother especially. I know you think he's relying a lot on Hinata-kun but trust me that's what he needs right now. He needs a kid his age going through the same thing. 

**Akiteru** : By the same thing what do you mean? Kei didn't tell me much about it... 

**Saeko** : mmmm I'm surprised you don't know considering you've spent most of your time at the hospital. 

**Akiteru** : No offense to Hinata-kun but he wasn't at the top of my list. My mother was. 

**Saeko** : Well... From what I understand from Ryu-Kun is that Hinata's mom had been sick for a long time and she passed away yesterday. Ryu-kun only knows because sensei told Ennoshita and him since they'll be team captains for their third year. Sensei wanted them to take it easy on Hinata-kun and Kei-kun. Don't worry they were sworn to secrecy but Ryu-kun only told me because now he doesn't know what to do for his kohais.

**Akiteru** :... I didn't know all of that.. so that's why... but don't you think Kei is using Hinata as a distraction. 

**Saeko** : I do but there is nothing wrong with having a little distraction to take away the pain. I would say as long as it isn't destructive or unhealthy allow it. 

**Akiteru:** But...

**Saeko** : Enough about your brother. How are you doing? I can bring some sake over. 

**Akiteru** : I’m tired. Stressed mostly. I’m a little depressed. I wasn’t that close to my step-mom like Kei was and sake would be nice.

Their conversation continues and Kei continues to make his way up the mountain to Hinata. 

Every step he takes weighs down on him, walking up the mountain has him thinking what is he going to do when he gets there, and can he even help Hinata? His chest hurts so much right now but he keeps moving forward. He doesn’t know why he feels as though he is fighting the wind. He feels the wind push him back but he continues pushing forward up the mountain. The sun is setting as he walks up to Hinata's house. The gust turns cold as he makes his way through Hinata's gate. The familiar warmth that is Hinata's home is no longer there and it’s as if he’s walking into a cold den. This isn’t Hinata... His feet are planted on the ground, should he go in? Why is he hesitating? Hinata has never hesitated for him before. Maybe he’s scared that once he steps into Hinata home he’ll face death again. He takes a step around and gets ready to leave, just what is he doing? Hinata wouldn’t run from him when he was in need. He isn’t brave like Hinata, he isn't a down-to-earth good person, he’s never been this caring or considerate for someone else that wasn’t his mom or his mother. He reaches the gate and he hears a small cry of pain Hinata... Kami-Sama what is he doing? Being an idiot is what he is.

He walks into the cold den, he shivers, and he breathes in the gloominess that lingers in the air. The house is a mess, pictures are on the floor, scratch marks on the wall and doors, and the furniture pushed around. It looks like a crime scene in the house and he trembles a bit as he walks through the house. He reaches Hinata's room and he hears the small sniffling that comes from inside. He feels tears roll down his face when he walks in, there are so many notes on the floor, a sympathetic cord forms between Hinata and him, and he picks Hinata up carefully. "I lost my mom.." He feels Hinata weep onto his shoulder "I lost my mom and it's all my fault." Kei bursts into tears too because seeing Hinata like this has him feeling weak. "It's not your fault Shoyo. It's not." His tears are rolling down on Shoyos face but he doesn't care he needs to make sure Hinata knows he isn't at fault. He moves them onto the bed and it's just them now. They forget about the chill in the air, they forget about the mess that is Hinata's room, and they forget about everyone but them. He takes Shoyos face in his hands, the electricity that Kei feels from touching Shoyos face does not go unnoticed as his tears continue to drop on to his, and the fondness that he feels for Shoyo. "Look at me. It's not your fault. Nothing is your fault." Kei attempts to sound tough but his voice only sounds frightened. "We are going to get through this. Together. The sun and the moon remember?" He wiped the tears from Hinata's face, he doesn’t know why he loves the way his hand feels on Hinata's cheek, but he's crying too, and now he knows they’re both in the same place. They’re both on even ground. "Just like you said it's a sh*t show now but it's going to get better. Life is going to get better but we have to do this together." Kei hugs Hinata close to him and it feels right for them to both be together like this. He covers them both up under Hinata's blanket and he keeps Hinata close to him to finally get some serenity.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The next chapter will be out on Monday - Chapter 7 -Crystals by Of Monsters and Men


	7. Crystals

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Tsukishima and Hinata mourn most of spring break and try to fix each other. Akiteru makes a decision that'll affect both Tsukishima and Hinata.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> First, I'd like to say I'm sorry for taking such a long time with this chapter. I had multiple ideas for this chapter but once I wrote them down. I didn't like them. Secondly, thank you for waiting such a long time. I hope this chapter is satisfying. Thirdly, I am going to be making another TsukiHina/YamaKage fanfic in the spirit of Halloween this one is going to be a bit fluffier and whimsical. I'll most likely post it on Friday. 
> 
> Crystals - Of Monsters and Men

Chapter 7 - Crystals 

'Lost in skies of powdered gold' 

The smell of grilled fish wafted through the air in the Hinata home, it was enough to get Kei up out of bed from his deep sleep, and heading to the kitchen. He passes quietly through the halls and realizes that the initial mess that he was greeted with the day before was picked up. Kei has never taken notice of how small the house really is as he almosts bumps his head with the overhang, Hinata has always made it feel grand and welcoming, and when Natsu was in the house Kei felt a surge of energy even if it was barely visible in the expressions he made it still had him wanting to be a part of what is going on. However now as he treads the hallways he sees how this grandiose house is hit by the aftermath of losing not only a parent but a sister on the same day. The pictures on the wall serve as a reminder of the happy family that used to live in this home and it's depressing how just one day could ruin such a wonderful family. 

He reaches the kitchen unnoticed by Hinata who seems to be working on autopilot as he sets up a tray. The tray looks like it went through a lot, the sound of a sizzling fish finishes, and Hinata grabs bowls with practiced ease. Tsukishima observes he doesn't know whether to interrupt Hinata or not, for now, he stays silent and sits at the dining table as he watches Hinata prepare a traditional Japanese breakfast. Kei places his hand in his stomach feeling it rumble in hunger regretting only eating those pancakes yesterday. Other than the sound of his stomach he stays silently watching Hinata as he eloquently prepares the tray with white rice, miso soup, seaweed, grilled fish, and pickles. He wonders if Hinata weren't so obsessed with volleyball would he have become a world-class cook or maybe a street cook with his charisma and looks he would be able to win people over but then they would have never met and they would both be alone facing the cruel world that took away their moms or would they? 

Tsukishima doesn't miss the fact that Hinata hasn't changed from his funeral clothes or the tears that are rolling down his face as he prepares the beat-up tray. He doesn't miss the dark circles around Hinata's eyes, the fluffy hair that Hinata once had filled with knots and oil, and his calloused hands covered in deep nail marks. Hinata finishes three trays of food, all similar with the exception of the designs of the plates and bowls, and Kei only assumes one of those trays with the plain design is for him but Hinata shows otherwise. He sees Hinata walk out of the kitchen with the tray with the plain black bowl and black plate designs and sets the tray settled on the floor of a room. Kei is intrigued until Hinata comes back into the kitchen to serve him the tray with the pink heart bowls and pink plates. 'These look like they would be Natsu's' Kei thinks to himself as Hinata sits in front of him with navy bowls and navy plates. They sit in silence for a while until Hinata grabs his chopsticks and starts eating; Kei follows his lead being the younger of the two.

Hinata's tears roll down his face like waterfalls as he eats and he chokes a bit from letting out a sob. Tsukishima only reaches out to Hinata's other hand. He intertwines their fingers together and Hinata starts to profusely apologize. “Gomen-nasai. Gomen-nasai. Gomen-nasai.” he continues the phrase and it’s Hinata begging for forgiveness. Hinata squeezes Tsukishima’s hand while moving his tray to the side, he places his head on the table crying and continues to cry out apologies. Tsukishima asks himself ‘How can he help someone who not only lost their mother but their sister? How can he help someone who is mourning for a person who is very much alive and the other who is buried six feet under?’ He tightens his hold on Hinata’s hand and rubs circles on the top of it. He remembers his mom used to do that for him when he was down. “Hinata. It’s not your fault. None of this is your fault.” Tsukishima says in a rough voice, he forces Hinata to look at him, and he speaks again. “None of this is your fault, losing our moms, and you losing your sister. Nothing is your fault. We were just both given some bullsh*t short end of the f*cking stick when we were born.” He lets his big hands squish Hinata's smaller ones and he doesn’t remember when he started overflowing with tears and sniffles; he thought he didn't have any more of those. 

“Your mom would never want you to blame yourself because you did everything you damn could for her and your sister.” Hinata takes a breath and says “How would you know Tsukishima? My mom... My sister. I was raised my whole life to take care of them. Now one of them is dead and the other is living with a stranger who thinks he can just come in and take everything I care about.” Hinata blubs and snivels. All the hair on Tsukishima's arm raises up and he retorts “Well I’m still here right? Or am I not included in that little mind of yours.” Hinata raises Tsukishima’s hand that’s in his “That’s not. That’s not what I meant. You... You’re different.” Tsukishima takes his hand away and he shouldn’t argue with Hinata about this but he does because his trust issues delve way too deep. “Is it because you made a promise with my brother to take care of me?” Tsukishima hates sounding so helpless. “No. No that’s not why. Maybe because you’re my best friend and I trust you with everything I am.” Tsukishima nods and that’s good enough for him at the moment. 

“I’m sorry you lost your mom Hinata.” Hinata just nods and gets up to clean up the trays of food. “I’m sorry for what I said about your mom. I’m sorry I couldn’t do anything more for you. I’m sorry you had to waste all of your time with me instead of being with your mom or your sister. I’m a selfish person, Hinata. I’m sorry for not being there for you at the funeral. I should have been there but you never messaged me or told me where it was going to be and-” he’s cut off by Hinata's finger on his lip. “It’s okay. I forgive you Tsukishima.” Tsukishima lets out a breath of air and Hinata goes back to washing the dishes. “Hinata..” he gets up and joins Hinata by the sink. “Hinata… If you need forgiveness, then I’ll give it to you. I forgive you.” Hinata stops for a second and softly nods. “Thank you. I needed that.” Tsukishima tries for a smile but it only appears melancholic. He helps Hinata with the dishes. 

"I thought I heard my mom in the morning... I thought I heard her coughing in the other room so I made her a tray of food but when I set the food down. I realized that I made an extra plate for her. I realized that she wasn't there." Hinata stops washing the dishes. "I set up a tray for Natsu.. she wasn't there.." tears roll down his face again. "What do I do now?" Hinata looks up at Tsukishima, his face desolate and tone somber. "What do I do now? It's so quiet." Tsukishima bites his lips because he doesn't know how to respond. He's someone who's so accustomed to the silence in his home that he really is at a loss for a word. Hinata trembles next to him waiting for a response and Tsukishima sighs. "You could always put on some music." Hinata only lets out a small snort because to Hinata that really does sound like a Tsukishima advice. "What? What's so bad about some music?" Tsukishima is flabbergasted, sure his advice wasn't the best but did it really warrant a chortle. "It's just that's so you and I don't have any music that isn't nursery rhyme for Natsu or my mom's old-fashioned 80s English music." Tsukishima has an 'are you serious' look on his face that Hinata lightly blushes and finishes the dishes with him. 

It's a small distraction but Tsukishima takes it and Hinata relishes it because he's never seen Tsukishima so motivated and seeing Tsuki like that is contagious. "Where is your music system?" Tsukishima takes out his phone and he erases all of the notifications from his brother and Yamaguchi. They're not important right now. "Is this okay?" It's a small stereo with just an aux cable to connect to Tsukishima’s phone. "Yeah. Yeah, that's fine. Do you have any futons? And extra blankets and pillows." Hinata nods excitedly and gets to quick work with the things Tsukishima asks for. "Oh, and we should take a bath. I didn't bath yesterday and I can tell neither did you." Tsukishima says as he is preparing the little fort for them and connecting the speakers. "I'll prepare for a bath. Do you mind sharing?" Tsukishima nods distracted by what he's doing. 

Hinata leaves Tsukishima to do what he wants and starts a bath. In reality, he's scared. He doesn't know what to do anymore. He knows his mom said to keep going. Keep living even when the going gets tough but how long till the hard part ends... What about Natsu? Why couldn't she have stayed with him? There are so many questions in his mind that he hates how much his head wants to burst. How does he begin to live without his sister? His mom? Where does he go from here? Yeah, he loves volleyball but what is volleyball if his mom or his sister isn't here to support him… once the bath is set up, it's when he hears the music coming from the living room, and he softly smiles. Leave it to Tsukishima to be able to get his head out of the gutter. 

Tsukishima, a guy that claimed he hated Hinata with all his guts is now, a guy who has buried his roots into his heart and has become dependent on him. When he looks at Tsukishima he's reminded by his sister, how much she needed him as she was growing up, how much she held onto him so tight, the way she was his world, and he revolved around her. Hinata sits in the bathroom for a bit, enjoying the alternative rock Tsukishima put on, and he can barely understand the lyrics since they're in English but he's able to enjoy it. Can Tsukishima really be his answer to all his questions? Could Tsukishima replace Natsu? No that isn't possible. He loves Natsu with all his heart but how can he get her back? His mom always said his sister, his responsibility but then why would she change her mind? Is it because she thought he should take care of Tsukishima? Is it because he got sick at Nationals? He's interrupted by the sound of Tsukishima singing suddenly. 

"And I just can't look, it's killing me. And taking control. Jealousy, turning saints into the sea. Swimming through sick lullabies…" Tsukishima sings loudly and Hinata decides all the questions can go down the toilet for a bit so that he can enjoy Tsukishima singing. He goes to the living room to find a pillow fort and the music blasting while Tsukishima jams with the music. Hinata quirks an eyebrow at him and Tsukishima is mildly embarrassed. Tsukishima rubs the back of his neck and is looking down a bit flustered. "I made a fort. I thought it would help us. Maybe it would be better than your room." Hinata still hasn't said anything and it doesn't help Tsukishima nerves. "You know what I'll take it down. It's stupid… it's a stupid idea. So stupid." Hinata has happy tears rolling down and he chuckles a bit. "No. No. Keep it up. I haven't done a fort for a long time. Natsu and I used to do them but she got too old for them. It was a small rebellious stage." He wipes his tears and smiles at Tsukishima, a wave of nostalgia hitting them both simultaneously, and Tsukishima shyly makes his way towards him to wrap his arms around Hinata. He looks up at Tsukishima and gives him a small smile "I have our bath ready. Let's get in before it gets cold. Did you bring any clothes?" Tsukishima nods separating himself so that he can grab his essentials to join Hinata. 

They barely talk as they bathe and the only sentences uttered between the both of them were the simple 'wash my back' or 'can you pass the soap.' The bath though served as an inspection for the two of them, Tsukishima roamed his eyes all over Hinata's body to make sure he didn't hurt himself in whatever happened the day before which there was a noticeable bruise on his stomach, and Hinata used the bath to check if Tsukishima had any ribs popping out or his fingertips were bitten which they were. Once they both finished their bath and got clothed. They headed towards the fort and Hinata gave Tsukishima the chance to go in first since he was the one who made it. He joins him on his side, he places his head on Tsuki's shoulder, and they both stare up at the roof; well actually sheets. They stay like that until the vibrations on Tsukishima’s phone become an annoyance. Tsuki only tsk and ends the call. Hinata watches Tsukishima put Akiteru and Yamaguchi on mute. Tsukishima puts on the rest of the song of Mr. Brightside by the Killers. 

"What's this song about? What are they saying?" Hinata asks curiosity in his voice and he gets himself comfortable on Tsukishima's shoulder. "It's about possessive jealousy and lack of trust in your partner," Tsukishima responds. "How did you find this song? It's catchy." Hinata says humming. "My mom used to be into a lot of English music and I got into it too… when I was a kid, my mom was the one there for me, and we would make these pillow forts. She would read me stories about dinosaurs, I especially loved Jurassic Park, and we would watch movies under the fort. I was closer to her than my own mother. My mom was the one who always took care of me and helped me with my homework and any personal problem. My mom was always warm and loving even though she wasn't my real mom." Tsukishima pauses for a moment and he continues "It's just that my own mother has always been too busy for me and she always looked to Akiteru for help. I always felt as though Akiteru was her favorite especially when he started playing volleyball and when I started getting into it she kind of didn't pay too much attention. Mom was the one who helped me get knee pads and get to a good volleyball school. She was the one who told me to try and fix things with Akiteru." Hinata readjusts himself to be fully facing Tsukishima. "I wouldn't really know what it feels like, Tsukishima; about being the favorite or not. I mean… I only had one mom and she kind of spent most of my life in her room telling me to take care of my sister… though I don't think it's that your mother favors your brother. It's just your brother, he's the older one. She relies on him since he's the mature one and well your brother was at the age where he needs to focus on school and get ready for the real world maybe?… I'm not saying I'm defending your mother for um neglecting you? Is that the right word?" Tsukishima gives him a small nod and a look that says he's thinking his words over. "But your brother is the one going out into the world while you're still going to be at home. You're the baby you know and your mom knew you would feel left out so she took care of you because she loved you." Hinata squeezes Tsukishima’s cheeks and he receives a glare but softens up. "And I loved her too… What about your asshole dad?" Tsukishima asks, curious and a bit ticked just by thinking about Hinata's dad. 

"As for my dad, well he’s an asshole. I don't think he ever loved me and the money he sent to us was just his monthly obligation" Hinata looks dejected as he says that and Tsukishima responds angrily "is that how you got that bruise? Your asshole dad. I swear if it was. I'm hunting him down and calling the cops." Hinata lets out a big laugh "Tsukishima-kun you're so protective of me." Tsuki blushes and flicks Hinata. "Shut up Shrimp." Hinata again laughs light and airy, he holds his stomach and smiles warmly at him. Tsukishima feels his heartbeat fast but he leaves it to be as angry jitters from talking about Hinata’s dad ."Well, I'll have you know I wasn't the only one who was left with battle scars." Hinata smiles much too fakely. 

"That explains the mess coming into the house… quite the fight you got there shrimp." Tsukishima turns himself to face Hinata. "You aren't hurt anywhere else are you?" Worry is etched all over his face and he brings his fingernails to his lips but is stopped by Hinata. "Stop that. It'll make volleyball worse for you and trust me Tsukishima. I'm fine I promise… wahhhh I'm so jealous of your hands they're so big compared to mine." Hinata changes the subject, comparing his hands with Tsukishimas. "You always say that when we do this. Have you tried comparing hands with the King or are you afraid he might make it into a contest?" Hinata is as red as a tomato "of course not and also grow up Tsukishima he has a name. Kageyama." Hinata pouts and Tsukishima chuckles. "Plus maybe he might actually squish my hands or push my hands back like ahhh just like you're doing now. Ow ow. That hurts Tsukishima!" Tsukishima sticks his tongue out and stops pushing Hinata's hand back. "Such a bully-shima you are." Hinata takes his hand away with a pout. 

They lay back on the futon for the rest of the day until Hinata gets out of the fort to use the restroom. "I have to use the bathroom. I'll be right back." When Hinata heads to the bathroom, Tsukishima lays there, and he feels a vibration on his side. He checks his phone, a few notifications from Yamaguchi and Akiteru but none recent, so it must be Hinata's. Tsukishima contemplates whether he should see who messaged Hinata or not… Well, Hinata will take a long time in the restroom and nobody should really be bothering Hinata while he is here in mourning. He reaches for Hinata's phone and sees a message from Bakayama. He doesn't know why he does it but he deletes all the messages from Bakayama and places Kageyama messages on mute for the rest of the week. Well, actually he knows why he does it. It's so that Hinata isn't bothered and plus Hinata is already spending time with him, not like the King would be able to help. If his mom were here she would be shaking her head in disapproval but she isn't here and he doesn't care if the King will hate him all that matters is Hinata. Tsukishima places the phone back where it was before and Hinata enters the room. "Ah, it's the same song from this morning." Hinata lays down next to Tsukishima and hums the part he can somewhat understand. "Jealousy turning saints into the sea?" His English accent makes Hinata's singing cuter to Tsukishima. They stay like that till dinner time and Hinata prepares a sweet curry for the both of them. 

The next day, he finds Hinata in front of his mother's room, in the form of dogeza, and he's apologizing again to her. He's blubbering and yelling "I'm sorry! I'm sorry! I'm sorry! Please... I'm so sorry… I'm so sorry... Why did you let him take her from me? Is this my punishment for fighting with that bastard… Is this my punishment for getting sick… why wouldn't you just talk to me… Why didn't you answer any of my questions back then…Please? Gomen-nasai. Gomen-nasai. Gomen-nasai… please just give me a sign of what I'm supposed to do…" he feels so weak and those dark inky hands pulling him down by his feet. He feels like he's being dragged down the hole again of self-hatred until he's snapped out of it. A warm hand reaches down to grab him before he falls and it's Tsukishima again saving him from the pit of darkness he's created. "Hinata. I'm here. I'm here. I forgive you." Tsukishima embraces him and he leans into Tsukishima’s chests to sob his heart out. It takes about thirty minutes for Hinata to calm down and in a raspy voice he says "I'm sorry you had to see me like that." Tsukishima only just squeezes him tight and replies "You don't have to apologize Hinata. We both are having a tough time." Hinata just nods and leans back onto Tsukishima. He always feels at his best like this with Tsukishima warmth spreading all over him but this is just temporary. Hinata knows Tsukishima will leave by the end of the week and he'll be alone again. 

"Your thoughts are loud Hinata… even when you're dreaming they float all over the place," Tsukishima speaks quite softly and Hinata nuzzles into him. "I could say the same about you." Hinata is comfortable, he feels at peace like this with Tsukishima, and it's not that he hates it; he loves it but it's only temporary so he knows he shouldn't get too attached to this. Hinata hears the music and decides to change the feel of the atmosphere. "What song is this?" He looks up to Tsukishima expectedly and he responds "it's called Love, Love, Love by Of Monsters and Men." Hinata gets off of him and sits in front of him leaning on the wall. "It sounds like a beautiful song, is this another one of your mom’s songs?" Tsukishima is a bit confused as to why Hinata left the comfort of his arms. Hinata wanted to stay but he didn't want to get used to it. "Uh no… I actually found this song in junior high. When I found out Yamaguchi was in love with me." Tsukishima leans back. "Remember when I told you I loved Yamaguchi but I couldn't love him the way he wanted… well that's what that song is about. I couldn't but relate to it when it came to Yamaguchi. My mom used to say love is weird. You don't really get to choose who you love and she said it was normal to love someone platonically." Hinata sniffles and chuckles "My mom used to say the same thing. I think she kind of figured out I was gay when I started talking about how infuriating Kageyama was. Or how handsome the Grand King is. Or how Sugawara-senpai was so pretty. Oh, and how cute Kenma would get holding his PSP." Tsukishima places a hand on his chest, his heartaches, and he has tears falling out of him. Hinata scoots closer to him interlocking their legs together. "Sorry, talking about our mom’s hurts huh… I didn't mean to bring it up." Hinata reaches to wipe some of the tears off of Tsukishima's face. 

"No. It's fine. I feel better talking about her with you. I like it when you talk about your mom too." Tsukishima sniffles. "I used to talk about you too with her. Before you were just a bully-shima then you got promoted to Peppa-shima since I told her. You snort when you laugh." Tsukishima flicks Hinata yet again. "Ow. She actually quite liked that joke you know… you know what she said. She said that you had a crush on me and all the teasing you did was so that I would notice you but I told her that was ridiculous that you only like me as a friend or maybe as a best friend." Tsukishima nods and his heart feels like Hinata is stabbing him but he doesn't understand because all that Hinata is saying is true. "Yeah best friend." Tsukishima hesitates because he can't seem to understand this new pain. "I also used to talk to my mom about you... and about everyone when she was in the coma. I really hope she heard all of it." Hinata contemplates for a second before he speaks "I think she did. I think she can still hear us now up there. I bet she's making friends with my mom and they're talking about embarrassing stories about us." Tsukishima snorts "you're so cheesy Hinata." He wipes his tears away. "Gwah Peppa-Shima. It's not cheesy, that's what all the books say." Tsukishima kicks Hinata who gives another whine of pain. "Don't call me Peppa-Shima and also books? What do you mean? And you actually read books on the afterlife when did you even have the time…" Tsukishima pauses for a moment, understanding is shown on his face, and he feels suddenly stupid. 

"I… I had the time when I was done with my chores and… I just wanted to be prepared, you know but I guess what you read is different from reality. Reality hurts way more than what they say in the books… my mom used to talk about it all the time and when she did I would have to cover Natsu's ears. I didn't want to expose my sister to that pessimistic way of thinking, she had a childhood to live in, and I never wanted her to be worried about our mom as the older brother I took that responsibility." Hinata leans his head onto his knees and Tsukishima all of a sudden feels selfish. He thinks about Akiteru and his mother and how he hasn't really dealt with his own mother. He's only been there for her minimally and he dealt with his own emotions by himself. Well not really, he's had Hinata to help him, to take care of him as he would for Natsu, and he… Hinata is still doing it now taking care of him while he's mourning and Akiteru was just doing the same but the way he does it is different. "You complain about my thoughts being loud but yours are just as noisy Tsukishima… you're thinking about your brother aren't you." Tsukishima nods and nibbles at his fingertips before Hinata puts a stop to that. "Your brother called me early in the morning, how he got my number I don't know, but he was really worried about you. He said you ran away from home and you weren't answering the phone or his messages. Don't worry, I only told him that you were with me and that you in fact did not run away from home. That you were going to be with me for the rest of the week. If that's okay with you of course?" Tsukishima thinks to himself 'I was planning on staying here for the rest of high school.' He shakes his head yes. "How did he sound? Was he really that worried?" He does feel guilty about leaving Akiteru but he knows his brother would understand that Hinata needed him. "Yes, he was. I would be that worried too if Natsu ran away from home. You should give him a call when you're ready. Now let's make some lunch. I'm hungry." Hinata gets up and offers his hands to Tsukishima. "Can you make katsudon?" Tsukishima asks while taking Hinata's hands. 

They both head to the kitchen, Hinata sets Tsukishima with the simple task of cleaning the rice while he works on the pork. "I never meant to scare my brother… it's just… he had Yamaguchi spy on me then he says I need to go see a therapist and then he said the only reason that you… that you were only by my side because you promised him that you would take care of me." His hand stops as he's washing the rice and Hinata stops pounding the pork cutlet he has. "I did promise I would take care of you. He looked desperate and I understand the position he was in when he asked me for help… but the reason why I promised to take care of you isn't because of your brother. I did it because you needed me and I… I need you Kei." Hinata softly smiles at him and continues pounding the pork. All of the air in Tsukishima’s lungs leaves him and he's not even sure he can breathe because he's never felt like this before so filled with love. There is an aura of warmth around them. "Shoyo." He can practically imagine the flowers blooming around them until the moment is broken and he feels all those flowers blown like a vacuum sucking them back into the box they belong. The pounding in his heart stops or was it Hinata who stopped it by digging an arrow through his heart.

"But you can't stay here forever Kei." Hinata's voice was firm, it's one that he's never heard him take before. "What do you mean Shoyo? You said you needed me. So I’m here. I came running all the way here to be with you.” Hinata sighs. “I do need you. I’m not afraid of admitting that... I’m lonely and without my mom or my sister here. I’m lost without them but I can’t let you ruin things with your brother, your best friend, and your mother.” he sighs again softly. “What I’m trying to say is that for you to stay here, I don’t want you to have any bad blood with them. They love you a lot and pushing them away isn’t going to do you any good.” Hinata begins to cook and he puts the rice that Tsukishima washed in the rice cooker. Tsukishima clenches his teeth and replies “Like Kageyama and you. I still don’t like the way he talked to you.” Hinata finishes cooking the pork and now gets all of the plates and bowls. He gives Tsukishima the same pink bowl and plates. “Yeah, like Kageyama and me. You're right. I haven't talked to him about anything and heck I know we are both not ready to talk about it to anyone that isn’t us and I’m not telling you to go tell them everything or do it now but I don’t want you to lose the relationship you built with Yamaguchi-kun and Akiteru-kun.” Tsukishima scoffs “Now you’re really starting to sound like my mom. Are you going to be the new Sugamama? Hinata-chan” Tsukishima helps Hinata set the table while the rice is still cooking and Hinata only smiles softly. “Well, you can thank my mom for all the life lessons and the books I read.” They finish setting the table and rice is finally made for them to start their lunch. They eat in silence thinking things over.

They both finish their lunch and they spend the rest of the day in the pillow fort. Tsukishima spent it mostly thinking about Hinata's words while Hinata thought about what he was going to do if Tsukishima did have to leave. 

On the third day, Tsukishima attempts his hand at making breakfast but he almost burns the house down by forgetting a towel on the stove. "I tried to make eggs and pancakes but they kind of burned." Hinata tries his best not to laugh but the look on Tsukishima's defeated face and the pink apron has Hinata burst out laughing. "Oh, my Kami-Sama!!" Hinata holds his stomach and continues laughing. "Please don't ever cook again Tsukishima. Please oh god. Oh god." Tsukishima is pouting and grumbles "I really tried too." Hinata giggles and Tsukishima cheeks are rosy colored. "How about from now on just let me cook and you can watch me. I'll teach you how to do simple things." Hinata has Tsukishima clean up while he prepares the batter for pancakes and eggs. "You know, you aren't the first who almost burned the kitchen down. Natsu did before and she did it trying to make pancakes and eggs just like you." Hinata chuckles and Tsukishima is even redder than before with a pout. "It's fine. I once tried to make cereal on the stove one day lets just say the fire department was called." Tsukishima snorts and covers his mouth. "I apologized to them of course and to my mom. It was one of the only times I've seen her look healthy." Hinata forces a smile. "Mind setting the table for me." Tsukishima nods softly and fixes the table. "My brother used to do all the cooking when I was younger though I think he did it because my mother was still grieving over my birth father. I never met him before though he died when I was about 4?" Hinata manages to make the pancakes in the shape of dinosaurs and the eggs over easy. "Then mother and mom met each other, my mom was technically my nanny first before they fell in love, my mother was still grieving and she was sent to a camp which is where my brother wants to send me and where my mother is right now but I swear to you… I don't need it. I'm fine." Hinata listens to Tsukishima while he prepares the plates. "I'm fine Hinata." Hinata stacks the pancakes on a pink plate for Tsukishima and his own stack on a navy plate. "I didn't say anything." Hinata only just shrugs while putting the plates down at the table, Tsukishima takes his seat, and Hinata grabs them orange juice to drink.

"Why do you keep giving me the pink plates and cups? These are… they're cute but aren't they your sisters." Tsukishima asks admiring the dinosaur pancakes with kid-like wonder and dousing it with double the amount of maple syrup that is typically normal. Hinata snorts from the amount of syrup and the look on Tsukishima's face. "You remind me of Natsu. You both have such a sweet tooth." Hinata smiles and leans his hand on his chin. "Plus you're the one who likes cute things so it would make sense that you use Natsu's plates and pink is your color. Don't you like the little hearts on it too? Your cheeks are usually pink too so it matches." Tsukishima cheeks flush and kick Hinata under the table. "Ow that hurt Bully-shima!" Tsukishima only just takes a bite of his pancakes and huffs. His heart is really starting to feel weird sometimes.

They both eat their breakfast and clean up the mess made. Tsukishima and Hinata sit in front of Hinata's mom's old room, they converse for a while the simple things until the conversation shifts to heavier topics. 

"So how are you going to see Natsu from now on?" Tsukishima’s curiosity laced in his tone and Hinata sits back against the wall with his knees pressed on his chest hugging them. "I don't know. She's in Tokyo so she isn't that far but I called this morning and my dad wouldn't let me talk to her. How is that fair to me? He told me where he lived but he says he won't let me in unless I make an 'appointment' in advance. That's ridiculous. She's my sister. I should be able to see her whenever I want." Hinata's tears roll down his face. "I raised my little sister from birth. My mom told me that if something ever happened to her I would be the one to take care of my sister but now I fear that everything my mom told me is a lie and I don't get it Tsukishima… I wish I were smart enough to understand everything that happened around me. I don't know what I'm feeling half the time whether I'm sad, mad, or relieved… I'm mostly confused. It's not fair." Hinata leans on Tsukishima and cries for a bit. "Why did my sister have to leave? Why do I end up alone? How long has my mom been planning all of this? Did they really think about me when all of this happened? There are so many questions racing around in my head." Hinata squeezes his knees and sobs. Tsukishima is silent, he doesn't know what to say to comfort Hinata, so he only just goes for the side hug. "Sometimes I wish my mom were here but then that would be stupid right because she's the one who made the decision right? So what am I supposed to do now?" Hinata continues to sob and be comforted by Tsukishima. "I'm sorry Hinata." Tsukishima squeezes him, hoping an apology is enough 

The next three days passed with Hinata and Tsukishima in the pillow fort. It mostly consisted of listening to Tsukishima playlists and Hinata listening to Tsukishima talk about his mom. Hinata at times would intercept with a few things about his mom and sister. Tsukishima is perplexed though by Hinata and how different they both handled their mom’s death. Tsukishima cried every night for the last three weeks almost while Hinata continued his routine of making breakfast, lunch, and dinner. Hinata only cried when speaking about his mom or his sister but other than that Hinata took care of him even during the night he would feel Hinata hold him as he cried. He wonders if he's actually what Hinata needs when he can't even answer the questions he asks. What if he's actually in the way of Hinata mourning but then had he not come on Friday. What would Hinata have done to himself? Would he have hurt himself? Would he have done anything for himself? Would he have lost him?

On the last day of Tsukishima's stay, it's the middle of the day when Tsukishima wakes up and he finds Hinata in front of his mother's room in a fetal position holding his stomach while weeping. Hinata utters under his breath "It's my fault. It's my fault. It's my fault. It's my fault. It's my fault." He repeats the mantra as he bawls on the floor and he's falling. He's in this hole he's dug and he feels himself getting buried in. The dirt just continues to push and push down on his chest till he's crushed completely. He's done his best but how far did that get him? Nowhere. His sister is gone. His mom is gone. Tsukishima can't stay with him forever. He'll have to leave today. He can't be selfish. "Gomen-nasai. Gomen-nasai. Gomen-nasai. Gomen-nasai." Hinata is torn to pieces and he wants to be done with feeling this way but he can't. No matter how many times Tsukishima says that he forgives him for everything. He can’t seem to be able to forgive himself. Maybe it's because he knows his mom would have lived longer if he hadn't gotten sick at Nationals. Maybe his sister would still be here if he actually tried to get along with his dad. He broke his promise to his sister about staying together forever. He's a terrible brother. He's the scum of the earth. He doesn't know what to do. He doesn't know anymore. He feels himself spasm and fresh tears falling. A sharp pain builds on his chest and stomach and he whines because he hates this. He hates feeling like this. So weak when he's supposed to be the strong one. 

Tsukishima places his hand carefully on Hinata's shoulder and tears are forming. He pulls Hinata to his chest and whispers softly in his ear "I'm here Shoyo. I'm here… I'm here…" he softly places a kiss on the side of Hinata's head and hums to him. Tsukishima pulls Hinata's face to his and kisses his tears hoping that it'll help him get out of the ditch he made. They're salty on his lips but with all the kisses that he gives he hopes that Hinata can get out of the hovel he's created for himself. "I'm here Shoyo. I'm here and I'm never going to leave you. I promise." Tsukishima just wants to consume Hinata with everything he has, softly kissing Hinata's face, and covering them both in a blanket of security. "I'm sorry Kei." Hinata only softly whispers and lays back on Tsukishima's chest. "Don't apologize Shoyo. It's not your fault." Tsukishima caresses Hinata's face. "We are in this together… so please tell me what it is that's really eating at you… I hate seeing you like this…" Tsukishima is crying and his tears are falling onto Hinata's face. "Please." Tsukishima has never felt so unfit for this task and the last time he's felt like this was when he's seen his brother rip all the volleyball posters on his wall. 

Hinata takes a while to stop crying and his voice only sounds broken up as he tries to explain to Tsukishima. He's only just held close by Tsukishima and told to calm down softly. "It's okay. It's okay I'm here…" the soft kisses placed on Hinata's face was enough for him to stop stuttering. "If only I didn't get sick at Nationals. If only I took better care of myself." He stumbles with his words. "My mom would still be here if I didn't worry her that day. She stressed herself so much that day they took her to the hospital because of me. Because of me! I was the one she wasn't supposed to be worried about! I was the one who took care of her and Natsu but I messed up. I got sick and she. She. She pushed herself for me. She was so worried about me! She's dead because of me!" Hinata keens. "It's all my fault. It's all my fault." Tsukishima tightens his hold on Hinata trying to calm him. "Shoyo.. look at me. It wasn't your fault… She didn't die because of you." His hand engulfs Hinata's cheek and he continues to kiss the tears. He doesn't know how to comfort Hinata more than this so he continues to embrace him. "You and me together we're going to get through this." He brushes Hinata's hair back and strokes his cheek. "Let's go into the fort and you can rest for a while. I'll make us some instant ramen. Alright?" Hinata nods while still crying and Tsukishima picks him up in bridal style. He lays him on the pillow fort and covers him with a blanket. "I'm going to make the ramen just rest for a while." Hinata curls up and weeps. 

Tsukishima grabs his phone and heads to the kitchen to make the instant ramen. He looks for his brother's phone, he's nervous, and his fingers tremble before finally he presses down on the call button. He waits for his brother to pick up and bites his fingernails. He doesn't know what to say to him. Does he apologize? Does he talk about his feelings with him? How does he convince Akiteru he wants to stay with Hinata? His thoughts are interrupted by Akiteru finally answering the phone. "Kei! Thank Kami-sama. Finally you call me back! I was so worried about you! How could you just up and leave without saying anything! I almost called the cops and I was scared you were hurt!" Akiteru was crying over the phone, relief was most evident in his tone of voice, and he waited for a response from Kei. "I'm sorry Akiteru. I'm not going to be coming home for a while." Tsukishima's voice is small and apologetic and it has Akiteru a bit flabbergasted hearing his brother this way but that isn't the point he replies with a strict tone. "You don't make those sort of decisions Kei. You're only fifteen years old, I can't expect you to be living by yourself with another guy your age, you two are practically kids, and how do you expect to support yourselves." Akiteru sighs frustrated. "Look Kei. I'm going to head over there now and we can talk. Send me Hinata-kun address." Tsukishima hears the microwave beep and he takes the ramen out. He begrudgingly gives Akiteru the address and they hang up the phone. 

Akiteru when he received his brother's call, he was relieved to hear from him but now Kei is being ridiculous, and wanting to stay with Hinata. It isn't like Akiteru to separate people but Kei is barely an adult yet and he just thinks he can make all these decisions without consequences. Akiteru grabs his car keys and drives his way to Hinata's house. He loves his brother, he really does but if he has to drag him back home then he will. He makes it to the front of Hinata's house. "Wow, cozy house." Akiteru admires the house for a bit before parking. He makes his way through the gate and knocks at the door. He waits for a bit but no answer and he goes to open the door. "Teenagers are so reckless. Forgetting to lock the door." Akiteru mumbles to himself while taking his shoes off. "Pardon the intrusion" Akiteru softly speaks before looking at the pictures on the wall mostly of a little girl. Akiteru only sees pictures of the little girl up on the wall and a small one of Hinata's family. He took the photo in his hands, the oldest woman was sitting on a wheelchair, an oxygen tank attached to her, and holding white chrysanthemums in her hands. The little girl was in a white dress with little sunflowers and held by her brother who smiled as bright as the sun. 'Wow. I thought Hinata-kun was small but he really is small. No dad in the picture either. His mom doesn't look like him either. He must get his looks from his dad. They look really happy.' He sets the photo down and continues to walk in. He notices the scratch marks on the wall and touches them. 'These look fresh.' He hears low humming coming from the living room. He moves tentatively not wanting to break the ambience that is set in the house. 

When Akiteru peeks into the living room he is hit with a wave of reminisce as he sees the pillow fort on the floor. It reminds him of the days where Kei was just a child playing with his dinosaur toys and his step-mom making the weird voices for the toys. The two of them on the floor frolicking and eating strawberry candies. He would always try to join them after a bath with his own dinosaur toy but his mother would always stop him with the chores and homework that needed to be done. After he was all done with his chores, Kei was already asleep from a bedtime story that his step-mom had read for Kei, and as always he would feel left-out.

Akiteru shakes the memory away as he watches Kei softly brush Hinata's hair in his sleep, and Akiteru oddly feels intrusive by watching such a rare show of intimacy being unveiled by his stoic brother Kei. The look on Kei's face is of one expressing such admiration for the sun and his eyes are gentle as his hand lovingly touches the sunshine cheek to wipe a tear. Kei continues to stroke the sun with such endearment that Akiteru wonders if this is really his brother. Akiteru has never seen his brother so tenderhearted and the only reason that Akiteru can determine this look is because of his mother. His brother and their mother share the rare look of soft infatuation reserved for loved ones. Akiteru is unsure if he should interrupt the moment, he's sure if he does Kei will be self-conscious and put up his walls. Though it is now when it dawns on him Kei's obsession with Hinata. The need to be around Hinata, the worry, and the trust he has for Hinata. It all points to Kei being in love with Hinata and he wonders if his brother himself knows that he is in love. Akiteru quietly walks back to the front of the house to yell "Pardon the intrusion!" Akiteru hears heavy thumping which he thinks are his brother getting up to greet him.

"Don't yell. Hinata is sleeping." Kei speaks crudely to Akiteru. 'Ah my brother just did the 180 change for me.' Akiteru walks towards Kei and Kei leads him to the dining area. "I'm not going back. I thought I'd make that clear." Kei says again with an indelicate tone. "Look. I'm not about to yell at you in someone else's house so please don't start with that tone of voice. Anyways, you can't stay here with Hinata. Don't you think you're causing him enough trouble? I mean he has his sister to take care of right?" Akiteru is calm and he grimaces a bit when Kei gives him a glare that seems to be stabbing right through him. "If I were causing Hinata trouble, he would have said so, and if you haven't noticed Hinata is living here by himself now. His sister was taken away by his dad." Kei glares at Akiteru and he just puts his hands up in surrender. Akiteru is shocked how a parent could abandon their son while he's in mourning. "Kei. I know you care about him but you can't stay here. Especially two unsupervised teenage boys, I don't even know why Hinata's dad would just leave his son here by himself, and the two of you not having any income to support such a lovely house like this. Look I know you know I'm telling the truth." Akiteru is trying his best to reason with his brother. "I'm not leaving. Hinata is all alone here. His sister is gone and his mom is gone. We are both working together to fix our own issues." Akiteru knows his brother to be stubborn, but he didn't know he would take it this far. It's probably because the sun is in the other room and Kei is borrowing the confidence the sunshine child has. Akiteru sighs even without the sun awake, the moon is still able to shine using the sun's presence, and he wonders how far deep his brother is with Hinata that separating them will cause more of a hassle. He can practically see how wrapped up Kei is in Hinata's burned out sun and love is such a messy affair. "Kei... Okay. Fine. But the only way I'll let you stay here is if you go see a therapist and I'll stay here." The look of shock on Kei's face does not go unseen by Akiteru, Kei though quickly recovered from it, and Kei puts a scornful look on his face. 'Ah. He doesn't like that idea very much but really I'm not letting these two alone especially once they're done grieving, teenage hormones will be off the charts. I can even bring mother up here. A different change of scenery would do her good.' Akiteru waits for Kei's response. "Only if Hinata goes with me to therapy though I'm telling you I don't need it. Also you can't just decide to stay here, it's Hinata's decision." Kei crosses his arms as if he won the battle. Akiteru only just rolls his eyes. His brother sure is smug. 

Hinata is slightly confused when he hears another person in the kitchen. When he gets up he rubs his eyes and slaps his face a bit. He puts on a fake smile and heads to the kitchen. "Oh Akiteru-san I didn't know you were coming over? My apologies for the mess." Hinata puts on his fake radiant self to show to Akiteru. It's not that he doesn't trust Akiteru, he's just not sure how much Akiteru knows about his life, and Tsukishima and him are quite private people. "No… it's fine. I heard about your mom. I'm sorry for your loss." Hinata nods acknowledging Akiteru. "I'll make us dinner. I'm assuming you're here to pick up Tsukishima-kun." Hinata asks while he starts taking out a few ingredients to make a pork curry. "I told you Hinata. I'm staying here… also can you make the curry sweet for me?" Tsukishima reiterates and helps Hinata with chopping the vegetables "Now. Now. Kei. If Hinata-kun says you can't stay here then you'll have to come home with me." Akiteru is a bit smug when he says it and Hinata gets a bit protective over Tsukishima. "What I meant was that he has to clear things up with you and Yamaguchi-kun first. Of course he's welcome to stay as long as he wants." Hinata gives Akiteru a glare and Tsukishima smirks; they're double teaming the older moon. Akiteru only just puts his hands up in surrender. 'Ah those two together. They're so scary. Reminds me of watching them on the court. When Kei built the way for Hinata-kun to receive. I can't argue with them together.' Akiteru thinks to himself as he watches Kei and Hinata make dinner. "Hinata-kun is it alright if I talk to you alone outside?" Akiteru asks a bit firmly and Hinata only gives a faux smile. "Whatever you have to say you can say in front of Tsukishima-kun." Hinata says with the smile on his face and he turns around to continue cooking. 

"No this is something I want to say to you in private." Akiteru says again quite strictly. "Well I trust Tsukishima-kun so you can say it to me in front of him." Hinata continues to cook. Tsukishima only looks smug as he helps Hinata with the cooking. "Well I wanted to ask who is your legal guardian? How can you support this house? How would you be able to support my brother without a job?" Hinata stops and leaves the curry to cook on it's own. Akiteru can tell he's made Hinata uncomfortable with the questions. "Tsukishima set the table will you?" Tsukishima looks between Akiteru and Hinata then grabs the bowls from the cabinet. 

"Let's talk outside then." Hinata says as he walks out to the front. Akiteru follows Hinata to the front of the house. 'Kei says he doesn't listen to Hinata-kun but he sure is helpless when it comes to the chibi. I guess that's what love does to you though truthfully I'm the same with Saeko-chan. So I can't be hypocritical.' Akiteru and Hinata sit in the front of Hinata's house. "So what did you want to talk about?" Hinata forces a smile. Akiteru exhales a breath and loosens up a bit. When he looks at Hinata, he's reminded of himself when he was younger, and taking care of Kei before their mom became a part of the family. "You can drop the act now Hinata-kun." Akiteru brushes Hinata's head. Hinata visibly tenses and then relaxes a bit; the artificial smile on his face disappears. "So let's talk... Before I never really asked about your family or what your life was like. So first I'd like to apologize for putting so much on your plate. I shouldn't have asked you to take care of my brother but you still did it. You're a good person Hinata and I feel like you needed to hear that." Akiteru pats Hinata's head and Hinata retorts. "Thank you and it's fine. I care a lot about Tsukishima even before this all happened." Hinata fiddles with his fingers. "It was never an obligation. I did it because I cared. I really do. I always cared so that's why it's okay for him to stay." Tears are rolling down Hinata's face. 

"Hey. Hey. Hey. Kei can stay but he is going to be grounded for a while since he kind of gave me a big scare at home. Just there's a few things I want to know." Akiteru honestly doesn't want them to stay together though, he doesn't want Kei to get hurt if it turns out Hinata doesn't share the same feelings though he isn't entirely sure Kei actually likes Hinata but he's being cautious. When Akiteru looks over to Hinata. He really is reminded of himself when he looks at Hinata with the nervous and tear-stained face. "Hinata-kun can I call you Shoyo?" Hinata sniffles and nods. "Shoyo-kun, I just want Kei to be safe and sound. I just want him to be okay. You two are still teenagers and being alone in this house without an adult worries me." Akiteru has a tender tone as to not make Hinata stress more. "But he is safe and sound. I've taken care of my mom and my sister my whole life. I don't know how many times I have to say that… I can take care of him and maybe you should put a little more trust in Kei-kun. He can take care of himself too" Hinata says confidently. "I'm not saying I don't trust my brother to take care of himself. I do. Anyways that's not what I wanted to talk about… who is your legal guardian Shoyo? You couldn't have been left up here without anyone right?" Akiteru quickly changes the subject and Hinata looks down at his hands. "My dad took my sister to Tokyo. My grandparents were never involved in our lives. They didn't approve of my mom's marriage with my father. At least they had the right instincts on how much of an asshole my dad was. So technically, my legal guardian is my asshole father but he finds me too problematic to take care of." Akiteru regrets asking but he has to. "How can you support yourself here and how can you afford this house? Do you have any money? Did your dad leave you in someone else's care while he's in Tokyo? And your sister you raised her, you said will you be able to visit?" Akiteru feels great remorse when Hinata begins to shake in his spot and droplets leave his eyes. Akiteru knows he pushed it a little too far and especially now learning that not only did Hinata lose his mother and his sister; he was abandoned and left alone to deal with the onset of confusing emotions by himself. He's also proud of his brother to be able to care so deeply about someone and try his best to help him. "My mom left me an inheritance, the house is already paid for so there's nothing to worry about, and I guess I have no one who would be my guardian here but that's alright I'm used to it. I mean I took care of my mom and sister by myself." 

Akiteru makes his resolve right then and there. He hugs Shoyo and says to him. "I'm going to stay here with Kei and you. Shoyo-kun you're the strongest person I've ever met and you've done such a great job doing everything by yourself. Your mom would be so proud of you, proud of the boy that she's raised, and now that she isn't here. I think she would have wanted you to continue moving forward for yourself and not for other people but she would also want you to seek help and for you to depend on someone for now. I know it's hard for you to see it now but trust me okay. Everything that you're feeling right now is normal. I bet you, you're sad, angry, and confused and you know what that's okay. You know why because you don't have to do all of that all alone anymore. I'll stay here with Kei and you. If my mother could stay if that's alright with you?" Hinata is a tad bit baffled, nods his okay, and Akiteru only just hugs him. "When you're ready to talk. I'm here." Akiteru squeezes Hinata's shoulders and gives him a reassuring smile. 

"Hey Hinata. The curry is burning." Tsukishima walks out in a rush and glances between Akiteru and Hinata. Akiteru lets go, feeling his brother hostile stare at him and he can practically feel bitterness coming from Kei. 'My brother sure is frightening.' Hinata rushes inside to fix the curry. Akiteru only just puts his hands in his pocket and gives Kei a sheepish look. "Well Shoyo and I talked, he said I could stay, and mother is going to join us. Also, we still haven't discussed punishment for giving me a heart attack last week." Akiteru walks over to Kei and gives him a pat on the head. "No phone for the next month. No computer, no headphones either and after volleyball practice you come straight here. Got it? Oh and before I forget therapy." Kei only groans and follows his brother in the house. 

Hinata fixes up the curry before it burns, for some reason after the talk with Akiteru he feels better, and his chest is lighter. He still misses his mom and his sister and he knows he'll live with this pain his whole life but with Kei here the small void he had in his heart filled up and now with Akiteru staying as well. Maybe he won't feel isolated. Though he's not sure how the dynamic will work with Akiteru and Kei here, he hopes it'll make his home feel warm again. He hears bickering between the moon brothers, he chuckles under his breath, and he is actually happy to have them here. 

"So Kei is this some sort of crow love nest? I know Karasuno has made an impact on you but I didn't think it'd go this far." Akiteru teases and Kei only flushes grabbing a pillow to hit his stupid brother with. "Die!" He continues to thwack his brother with a pillow, flustered by his brother's words, and he pushes him down attempting to smother him with the pillow while Akiteru is in hysterics. "Guys, dinner is ready, and the table is set up. So let's eat." Hinata yells from the kitchen and he's excited about being with these two brothers. Later they can deal with the specifics of how everything will work out. Now, he just wants to enjoy dinner with his new housemates, and hope for the best. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Next Chapter 7 - Helpless - Hamilton Musical
> 
> It's two weeks after the practice match and Kageyama is still thinking of an elaborate plan on how to confess to Hinata in their next training camp. Yachi sneakily helps Yamaguchi get even closer to Kageyama. Tsukishima, Hinata, and Akiteru fight with Hinata's dad.


	8. Helpless

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kageyama's is helpless, Yamaguchi gets hurt in the worse possible way, Tsukishima unintentionally helps Kageyama and Hinata, and Akiteru has a confrontation with Hinata's dad.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry. Sorry. Million apologies for my late updates. Please forgive me. I honestly thought I posted this chapter recently. Please forgive me for my tardiness. I hope you enjoy this chapter.

Chapter 8 - Helpless

It's been a month since the beginning of their second year and only four days since their first practice match and ever since Yamaguchi, identified the feelings of love for Kageyama towards Hinata. He's been absolutely buzzing and he can't fathom being alone with Hinata for more than a few minutes before his face combust and his brain short-circuits due to all the jitters he feels near Hinata. Despite that, Kageyama feels as the relationship between them is still stagnant, and his growing envy for Tsukishima worsens everyday as he observes them during their practices and the after practice snack drive; he tries not to let his frustrations get the best of him during training. Yamaguchi is usually by his side when they walk to Sakanoshita Market and Yamaguchi is usually the conversation starter between the two. He is also the one who is able to ease Kageyama away from going to his dark side when he watches Tsukishima and Hinata. 

Kageyama hates seeing how comfortable Tsukishima is by Hinata's side. The familiarity they share with one another when they reach the coach's store and soft laughter they partake in as they walk always has Kageyama's jealousy boiling over. Kageyama used to be the one by Hinata's side. He used to be the one who could make Hinata laugh loudly as if his surroundings didn't matter. Though Kageyama understands that their ever non-moving relationship is due to their argument that happened in their first year. He doesn't know why loving someone is difficult, especially one who is known for being so sociable, instigating, and conversational towards everyone yet when it's just the two of them at lunch Hinata is distant as if something is always on his mind. Sure, they still talk during lunch mostly about volleyball and class work, most of the time it's Hinata doing the talking albeit it sounds a bit forced, but nothing too personal. Hinata closes himself off when it comes to talking about home life and changes the subject. Kageyama doesn't even try to breach the topic of Tsukishima because he's afraid of another confrontation leading to an awkward tension between the four of them again. Kageyama has noticed Tsukishima and Yamaguchi seemingly avoiding each other yet that's a topic for another time. 

Tsukishima looks back at Kageyama and places an arm around Hinata to lightly pull him close to him. He softly whispers into Hinata's ear and Hinata blushes. The tip of his ears is the color pink, he softly hip checks him but not enough for Tsukishima's hold on him to loosen, and Tsukishima smirks. Hinata looks back at Kageyama giving a soft smile with his tinted cheeks a rosy color and whispers barely audible to Kageyama to Tsukishima who is amused. Kageyama clenches his hand, he knows Tsukishima is doing this to poke at him, and it's difficult to stay calm when the object of your infatuation is wrapped around some scumbags finger. Yes, to Kageyama Tsukishima is a scumbag and he wishes he could squish Tsukishima under his thumb but he promised himself that he would at least try to get along for Hinata's sake. He's poked by Yamaguchi, who looks up to him with such a tender look, and Kageyama for some reason is taken aback because Yamaguchi looks cute. He shakes his head and looks down at him. "What is it?" Kageyama asks and he focuses his attention back at Hinata and Tsukishima. "If you keep staring at them like that, I think they'll feel the daggers Kageyama-kun." Yamaguchi giggles quite adorably. Wait, cute and adorable, those are words that describe Hinata, not Yamaguchi. Why was Yamaguchi acting like this with him? Well at least his heart doesn't race but is this the way friends should think of each other calling them cute and adorable in their minds. He's already figured out that Hinata is more than a friend to him so it's normal for him to use such words but towards Yamaguchi is it normal. Then again he's never had any friends before so he's never known what is normal and what isn’t. Kageyama pouts and Yamaguchi laughs again loving the way Kageyama sulks. "Say I was wondering if you could help me with my serve practice?" Yamaguchi asks with a puppy eyed look and Kageyama knows he can't say no to that look so he agrees because Yamaguchi is precious in his own way. 

Kageyama looks up to see Tsukishima and Hinata walking away from the shop, Kageyama pats Yamaguchi's head, and he speeds up a bit to follow them. He hears a sigh behind him but ignores it in favor of following Tsukishima and Hinata. He's followed them a few times before but not all the way, he always stops halfway because he does know the meaning of boundaries, and he doesn't want to be classified as a creepy stalker. He wonders if Tsukishima or Hinata have noticed him always a few steps behind them and if they had what they were saying about him. If you were wondering, Tsukishima noticed and Hinata was oblivious. Kageyama makes the turn to go to his house so as to not be spotted by them, he also doesn't want to be a weirdo, and you know he has certain limits… 

Kageyama walks home thinking about Tsukishima and Hinata. Are they together? Are they in love? Why does Hinata blush whenever Tsukishima whispers in his ear? Why does Tsukishima treat Hinata differently? Why are they walking home together everyday? At least he still has some extra practices and lunches together with him. He still hasn't been able to get a study date or hangouts on the weekends. He also hasn't confessed. How does he even begin to try to confess. What if Hinata rejects him? How will that affect their partnership on the court and outside it? He knows he told Yamaguchi that he will confess on their next training camp in Tokyo but what if it doesn't go as well as he thinks it would? Kageyama knows Hinata has multiple friends in Tokyo like Akashi-san and Kenma-san but what friends does Kageyama himself have? Just Yamaguchi and Hinata. Maybe Yachi-chan but he doesn't know how to form a proper friendship with girls nor understand them enough to sound delicate with their problems. 

Truthfully, Kageyama is also scared of losing his friends and if he were to confess how would their team fare with the drama within. He's never had a group of peers before that liked his favorite sport of all time, he's been alone since his primary and junior years, and he always told himself he wasn't bothered by it. He's always told himself volleyball was all he needed and he learned to play volleyball with his grandfather and sister and soon learned to play by his lonesome yet he doesn't know if he can go back to the icy prison of solitude if things were to escalate.

_ In primary school, all he focused on was volleyball, and his grandfather drilled it into his mind that he was gifted. The other kids found him boring, most of the times they said it to his face, or when he asked for a partner to play with. It was also belittling when his mother attempted to get him to socialize with the other kids and invite them to their home only for the kids to be dissatisfied by the lack of video game consoles and games; things that Kageyama has hardly had asked for from his parents. At school he was branded as being a boy lacking in personality and was just a plain bore to be around but he never let the gossip deter him. He was still friendly to his classmates and he still practiced his volleyball albeit by himself or with his sister when she had time or his grandfather mostly but it was best that way. He was still content as it is since he was playing volleyball. It was during the school breaks when he felt he could be himself and happy. He would spend those breaks with his grandfather. His beloved grandfather that taught him everything he could about volleyball, about being a setter, and most of all loving the sport.  _

_ His grandfather was his best friend and his greatest driving force in volleyball. He was practically raised by the love of his grandfather and his wisdom. His parents found their attachment odd but they were content to see their son jubilant. There were days where the rain hit too hard to practice volleyball and Tobio would sit on his grandfather's backyard porch. He would be served a warm glass of milk while his grandfather would regale him stories of his younger days as a setter for Shiratorizawa. He treasured his grandfather more so than anyone else in this world; his sister is included as one to be adored but her sudden loss of interest in volleyball created a rift between them. Kageyama's grandfather was the one who taught him the importance of personal maintenance, rivals, and to love what you love because no one can tell you what you can and can't love only yourself.  _

_ In first year of junior high, he encountered Oikawa-Senpai who seemed to target him instead of the other boys his year. He would tease him endlessly almost as if he was jealous of Kageyama's natural skill but to Kageyama it almost seemed like friendly banter. Well it was more like he was oblivious to it which frustrated Oikawa more. When he told his grandfather about Oikawa, his grandfather just laughed, and explained to him the concept of rivalry. The idea of your ally being your rival in the future was something he ingrained in his mind. His other senpai Iwaizumi was the opposite of Oikawa, he was quite the stoic type but he wasn't as harsh as Oikawa and he always provided Kageyama with useful tips and helped with his setting whenever possible. He was a proper senpai and he is constantly reminded of him by the delinquent looking Tanaka-senpai. He was jovial that first year of junior high, for the first time in his life he was challenged by people at his level, his senpais were the ones who were able to push his drive, and challenge his volleyball skills but as all good things come they all must come to an end.  _

_ It was when his second year of junior high started when things went downhill for him when it came to socializing, his senpais graduating, and his grandfather hospitalized. It was the worst time of his life. He was alone when it came to skill and feared by his teammates who didn't share the same ambition as him. He was isolated from his peer group, the outsider who seeks out to be the best, and he still won't admit it to himself but he was lonely. There were times where his own teammates would run away from him when he requested for extra practice, they would always make an excuse, and he would be stuck practicing his serves.  _

_ His grandfather suddenly passed away before his first competition as a setter for Kitagawa Middle. He didn't cry oddly enough but it felt like a piece of him left him. He was losing the one other person that held the same enthusiasm for volleyball like he does but he doesn't cry. He isn't normal. He knows he isn't. He only feels apathy. How could he not cry for his grandfather up in the skys? The one who raised him to be better. _

_ It was when his first match as a setter that he felt this sudden anger. He feels it when he tosses the ball for Kindaichi and he barely hits it. Kindaichi's half-hearted apology for his almost miss has Kageyama lashing out at him. It has his team shocked, the typical friendly loner, now showing a different side to him, and Kageyama doesn't stop with the yelling. Letting out his inner rage on his teammates for not being at his level. What kind of a person is he but he can't stop. His frustration etching itself into every toss, every serve, and spike that came his way. He was undoubtedly filled with wrath and he didn't know why. They won the tournament but he lost the respect of his teammates and was named the King of the Court. _

_ The upperclassmen at the time were of no match to him and he mostly ended up teaching them the works which was nerve-wracking to the upperclassmen. Slowly, arrogance slithered into his ego, and the continuous praise from his coaches put more wood to the fire of his lordliness. Resentment was thick in the air. His teammates of his year were intimidated by him and his upperclassmen were too petty to ask Kageyama for help to improve. There were times where Kageyama would find his school bags with his clothes covered in water when he would finish practice; he learned to bring an extra set of clothes by the fourth time it happened. Somehow it didn't end there his bags would sometimes end up in the trash which aggravated him even more and at practice his irritation had his teammates further avoiding him. His parents ever oblivious of their own son spiraling into isolation more focused on his sister who came out of the closet. Everything was getting out of control and volleyball was the last thing he had of his grandfather that he could control. _

_ His third-year of junior high, Kageyama is so self-centered, so focused on winning, on improving, on trying to find someone who can match him, and he forgets the teammates he has around him. When he meets Hinata on their last competition of the year, his ill temper gets the better of him, and now he wishes that he wasn't so harsh on Hinata but his teen hormones get the better of him. Hinata is someone with great athletic skill and determination, how could he have wasted all of his time in the last three years of junior high? Kageyama admired him and he would say he might have fallen in love with Hinata at the moment he saw Hinata jump but his grief and narcissistic ways clouded any chance of seeing someone like Hinata as a subject to admire. "What have you been doing the last three years!?" He yelled at Hinata's ear and he didn't care how rude he was. It's just he is frustrated to see such skills go to waste. He barely remembers after that match when Hinata declares something to him. To be honest, he forgot what Hinata told him.  _

_ The rest of the tournament goes as follows: he pushes his teammates relentlessly and the captain of his team is not able to reign in the monster that is Kageyama. With every move he makes his fury is shown and his coaches know he is their only weapon to win the school tournaments so they let him. They let Kageyama's conceitedness take over without counseling him until Kageyama's team took matters into their own hands. Kindaichi, one of Kageyama's spiker is forced to abandon his setter, in favor of his teammates who far too long have suffered under Kageyama's impertinence, and he misses the toss sent for him on purpose. When Kageyama looks back, there is no one, and a rift formed between him and his teammates. He can hear a click of a camera and a flash and it all comes back to him. He's the only one left on the court and his teammates looking at him with hatred in their eyes. It's his coach who pulls him off the court with a look of pity in his eyes, benching him finally after his teammates make the decision of no longer wanting to be under the thumb of Kageyama, and as he sits there watching his teammates should he even call them that? He feels shame weigh down on him as he puts a towel over his head to cover his face. He places his trembling hands on his knees and wonders what kind of monster he has become. Their team lost the finals and it was pinned on him which struck him far worse with guilt.  _

_ After the tournament, playing volleyball felt like a lost cause, and he took a break from it refusing to return to the gym that turned its back on him. In a way he knows he deserves to be cast out from the club by the way he treated them. He was irritated by his own behavior, he loathed the way he acted, and he couldn't look at a volleyball for a month. Not practicing volleyball for a month made a void in his life, he would skip volleyball club for the month, only heading up to his room locking himself up, and laying down on his bed looking aimlessly up at the ceiling. The repetitive motion of going to school and going straight home made him feel helpless; his melancholy worsened that the idea of doing anything else weighed on him. He lacked the will or energy to do anything, all bundled up in his blanket, and it dawned on him how alone he is in this world. The suffocating reality that everybody hated him and he deserved it. He deserved to be condemned in his room _ . 

Kageyama enters his usual empty home, his parents are always on business, and his sister long moved out. He brushes off the past for a bit, he knows thinking about it will put him back in that state of depression, and he texts his Yamaguchi to tell him he made it home alright. He thinks on how he will confess to Hinata without causing any trouble to the team, without losing any friends, he remembers Yamaguchi telling him that not a lot of people accept boy on boy love whatever that means, and from what he recalls his parents didn't take it well. He doesn't know if he will be able to handle being hated by his teammates again, to lose their trust, and to lose volleyball. He doesn't care for his parents' opinion on him, they've never been there for him before, and they're not here for him now. He washes up for bed and makes himself a ramen instant dinner. He misses his grandfather's home cooking sometimes. 

"Did you really have to make me blush in front of Kageyama?" A noticeable pout on Hinata's face as he looks up at Tsukishima. "I'm just helping. You were the one who said you liked his majesty." He rolls his eyes, obviously annoyed by Hinata's insistence of liking Kageyama. "Gwah don't say it out loud Tsuki and I told you already I'm not ready to date." Hinata looks around and it's only them walking up the mountain. Tsukishima scoffs, he only thinks Hinata is being ridiculous, and he was only so touchy with Hinata to annoy Kageyama. What's so damn special about the King? He doesn't know how to treat Hinata gently like he does. He doesn't have Hinata's trust like him. He guesses that's something else he has over Kageyama. Though to say he hasn't noticed Kageyama odd stares and trailing a few times would be a lie. Tsukishima enjoys watching Hinata flush and loves the embarrassing look he gives when he utters something rather devious in Hinata's ear. Sometimes he wonders how Hinata would react if he softly bites the top of his ear, would Hinata moan? 

His odd thoughts are interrupted and he tries not to turn pink as Hinata all of a sudden stops and feels his pockets. "Oh no. Oh no." Tsukishima stops as well. "What happened?" He quirked an eyebrow, curious about Hinata's problem. "My wallet. I think I left it at the coach's store." Tsukishima sighs awfully loud. "Seriously shrimp. You sure it's not in your bag? Or back pockets? We've already walked this far." Tsukishima swears sometimes Hinata can be so forgetful and he watches Hinata pat himself down. Kami-sama he wants to pat Hinata down. Wait what. No. Bad Kei. Bad Kei. Damn his teenage hormones. His thinking again intruded on by Hinata. Thank Kami-sama. "It's not in my bag either, Tsuki. Maybe I should head back and ask the coach if he's seen it." Hinata says panicking a bit. "Aki-kun wanted me to buy groceries and now I can't because I'm reckless. He's going to be angry isn't he and I-" Tsukishima intervenes by placing a hand on Hinata's shoulder and he softly smiles; it's a smile reserved for Hinata only. Hinata calms down, accustomed to Tsukishima’s touch being able to comfort him in just seconds, and Hinata looks up at him teary-eyed. "My brother will understand Hina. How about we look around for your wallet? You head to the shop and I'll check the floors. Hmm?" Hinata nods rapidly and wipes the newly formed tears. He gives Tsukishima's hand a soft kiss as a thank you and rushes down back to the shop. He doesn't notice Tsukishima bringing his hands to his mouth taking Hinata's kiss to his lips. Tsukishima wants to kiss Hinata so badly, realizing what he did, he places his hand in his pocket, and he goes to look for Hinata's wallet. 

Akiteru never once hated someone before but the man before him has a long list that makes it so easy to despise him. First and foremost on that list, abandoning his son. He knows it's Hinata's father by the way his hair resembles his son and it doesn't have the shine that Shoyou has, it's still their most similar feature. "Is there something you need sir?" Akiteru had barely made it to the front door when he saw another car pull up into the driveway. He forces a smile as he blocks the doorway, trying to keep Hinata-san from entering their home, and it's obvious Hinata-san is appalled by the behavior. "Where is my son and who are you?" Akiteru responds as politely as he can sound. "Well sir. My name is Tsukishima Akiteru. I'm your son's soon-to-be legal guardian. Since his dad walked out on him." Akiteru forces a smile. Hinata's father exhales and retorts. "I don't have to explain myself to you and I will not be allowing my son Shoyo to leave my custody especially to a stranger." Hinata's father scowls up at Akiteru. 

You know, Akiteru is typically a pretty nice guy, at least that's what his friends say, he's not one for confrontation, and he's one to dissuade a situation. The typical sarcastic peacemaker yet at the end of the day he is still a Tsukishima at heart and it's in his nature not to put up with high levels of bullsh*t. You see he may not be as tall as his brother but he is still almost at 185 cm which is pretty intimidating especially towering over a middle aged man who is about the same height as Shoyo which is about 164 cm. Sharing his brother's intense aura and deadly glare, he says in quite a threatening tone of voice. "He stopped being your son when you ditched him in possibly the worst time of his life and then proceeded to ghost him whenever he calls to check in on his only living relative, his damn sister." Number two on his list of reasons is that he refuses to let Shoyo talk or visit his sister. 

Akiteru has never seen a man look so frightened in his life but he continues. "So congratulations, you have invented a new kind of stupid. You ruined any chances with your son kind of stupid." Akiteru steps forward while Hinata's father takes a step back to his car, obviously scared. "Open up the cages kind of stupid. Truly you didn't think it through kind of stupid when you walked out on him." Akiteru backs him up to his car. "Now this is what we are going to do. Shoyo is going to stay under my care. I'm going to be his legal guardian. Anything that needs to be told to him will be coming to me until he is of legal age and if it's really something that I think he should know then I will let him know but right now he doesn't need you putting more stress on him." Akiteru continues to scowl, he's gotten to be very protective of Shoyo as well, and after all the therapy and attacks he's been through. He knows how much Shoyo struggled the past month and if he heard his father was here; it would tip Shoyo even further down the hole he was climbing out of with Kei. "So congratulations for the rest of your life, every sacrifice you make is for Sho-kun's sister, and give her the best life. Or else I will sue you for custody over her and I have a very good lawyer by my side. You might know her as Ayame Tsukishima. She's my mother… now get off my property." Hinata's father scrambles into his car throwing a packet at him. "I promise you. This won't be the last you'll be seeing of me." Akiteru only continues to scowl at him, the signature Tsukishima glare, and he picks up the letter addressed to Hinata Shoyo from Hinata Sayuri. Holding it in his hands, it's not open, which Akiteru thinks should be a good thing, and he decides it's best to keep the letter to himself. Third thing he hates about Hinata's father is how much of a coward he is. 

Hinata walking back to the store never expected to be met with a confession. Well a confession that wasn't meant for him to hear obviously. He honestly didn't mean to overhear a conversation between Yamaguchi and Yachi but he did. "I don't get why it's so hard to get a guy to like me. What am I doing wrong?" Yamaguchi sighs, stressed by his current situation of Kageyama being in love with Hinata, and he really is helpless. "Yamaguchi-kun there's nothing wrong with you. I mean Kageyama isn't exactly a normal guy either." At this point Hinata was going to intervene to defend Kageyama's honor but he was stopped when Yamaguchi replied to Yachi. "I know he's not a normal guy and that's what makes him amazing… I don't like him for just volleyball you know. He has this obsession with milk and it's not just regular milk. He has a thing for all kinds of milk and he especially likes it when I make it with Lavender. Oh he loves the milk pudding I make. He also makes the cutest face when he's eating onigiri. You should see his hair all ruffled up after he wakes up from a nap." Yamaguchi has a bit of a dreamlike look on his face, it shows how much he's in love, and he blushes when Yachi giggles. He sighs again though because even though he loves every aspect of Kageyama it's still not enough to compete with Hinata. "I love Kageyama but he likes someone else. Me compared to his crush is like having a beauty contest with a butterfly and a moth. We all know butterflies will always win." Hinata feels his knees buckle, he should have known that he wasn't the only one who liked Kageyama, and he should have known Kageyama likes someone. Hinata places his arm over his stomach. He knows Yamaguchi and Kageyama were getting closer, that's fine but for them to get personal. He forgets the reason why he came back to the store. He feels so stupid that of course Kageyama doesn't like him. The argument from their first year really screwed his chances over with him and it's his fault of course. All of it is his fault. Who would want to be with someone who lost their mother? Who can't take care of themselves? Who won't even tell them anything? Just what are they anymore? He runs because that's the only thing he can do, he runs up the mountain, and trips in his rushed scurrying to find Tsukishima. 

He's crying uncontrollably and holding his stomach. Everything hurts, he is at fault about all of it, and he's the one who made the rift between Kageyama and him. He feels everything closing in on him. The bitterness eating at him as he's lost the trust of one of his best friends because he couldn't confide in him. His hands reaching up to tug at his hair, in his woe he crumbles further into the ground, and he's losing his breath. He's been doing so well, he hasn't felt like this since he talked to the therapist, and he's letting out sobs without stopping. He tries to calm himself down like the doctor has told him how but it's not working as well as it usually does. When he feels his hands softly be taken by larger bandaged hands, it's when he finally opens his eyes, and he recognizes them as Tsukishima. "Shoyo." Tsukishima carefully picks him up, he can't ask Shoyo what triggered it, and so he lets Shoyo cling to him. He messages his brother to pick them up. Tsukishima hums as he cradles Shoyo, they're not hidden from the world around them but Tsukishima still kisses Shoyos tears. "Kei." Shoyo hiccups in between his words "can I sleep with you tonight?" Kei squeezes him, he adores when they cuddle together, and he places another kiss on his forehead. "Yes. Sneak in after Akiteru goes to sleep alright." Shoyo nods. Ever since Akiteru started living in the house, he set a few ground rules, which one is no sleeping together at night, and for privacy to have separate rooms. They both sit in silence as they wait for Akiteru, the familiar car making its way down, and stopping in front of them. 

They settle into the car in silence, Hinata is dozing off next to Tsukishima while he looks out the window, and Akiteru watches them from the front mirror as he drives. The drive was a comfortable silence and as they arrived, typically in the weekday routine it's Tsukishima's job to set the table and dirty dishes and Hinata cooks dinner while Akiteru does laundry or bills or makes sure Hinata does his homework. Yet when they have one of these days, most of the time it's Kei, since Akiteru and Hinata can read him well, they switch up the dinners to take out, homework is skipped for the day, and laundry can wait another day. For Kei, they set up his favorite movie Jurassic Park. Sometimes they give him his headphones for music, his favorite dessert strawberry shortcake, Shoyo holds his hand under the blankets, and they make a pillow fort to ease the nerves. For Shoyo, they make his favorite food Tamago Kake Gohan, they eat in front of his mother's room now turned into Akiteru's room, and Kei bundles him up in blankets laying kisses on his forehead whenever Akiteru isn't looking. On occasions when Akiteru himself feels down he would also hug Shoyo close to him, he like his brother is comforted by the smell of tangerine, or he would share his music with his brother while laying his head on his shoulder. 

When they finish dinner, they take their baths, and head to the bedrooms. Shoyo once putting on his pajamas and waiting for Akiteru to fall asleep, he heads over to Natsu's room which is now Kei's room, and he quietly walks in. He closes the door behind him, fiddling with his vabo-chan t-shirt, and wearing matching vabo-chan boxers. Kei makes a space on the bed for him which gives Shoyo the sign to lay down next to him. "I like your pajamas." Shoyo whispers as he joins him in bed. Kei is wearing a dinosaur t-shirt and pajama pants with different types of dinosaurs printed on them even though Shoyo has seen him wearing them multiple times; he still compliments Kei in them. 

Kei opens his arms for Shoyo to slot himself into his chest and he pulls the blanket all the way to Shoyos chest. "I know it's a little late to say anything to you but I found your wallet. It was in my bag." Kei lightly brushes Shoyos hair through his fingers and notices the wince that Shoyo does when his fingers snag into a tangle. He waits for Shoyo to feel comfortable about talking and focuses on carefully untangling his hair. "I'm sorry for making a scene in public… I really tried to hold it" Tears are rolling down his face and Kei feels a pang in his chest. "Shoyo, you shouldn't care about what people think of you. They don't know what we are going through." Kei gently speaks and he wants to know who was the asshole who caused his sunshine to break down in the middle of the streets. The roads were empty either way but still for Shoyo to break down anywhere other than home. He really wants to kill a guy. He places his hand on Shoyos cheek and wipes the tears. "What happened Shoyo?" Kei is calm on the outside but the inside is a storm of anger. "Did someone say something to you? To hurt you?" Kei just wants to brush all of Shoyo's worries away. "It's nothing Kei. Just something stupid." Kei stops brushing his hair back and looks down at him. "It's not something stupid if it made you feel that way." Kei whispered in a serious tone and Shoyo looked anywhere but his eyes. He keeps his head on Kei's chest.

Shoyo finally breaks when he looks up to check if Kei was still glaring down at him. "I heard Yamaguchi talking about Kageyama." Shoyo hides his head into his chest wanting to muffle his words and their legs tangle under the blankets. Kei stays quiet waiting for Shoyo to continue in a way he can understand. Shoyo lifts his head up, resting his chin on his chest, and he's teary-eyed again which hurts Kei greatly. "He loves Kageyama but he said that Kageyama likes someone already…" he is unsure of how to process the information of Yamaguchi being in love with the King. He doesn't understand why Yamaguchi wouldn't tell him instead of whoever he was talking to. Aren't they supposed to be best friends? If Yamaguchi knows who Kageyama likes then why hasn't he told him. Sure, he hasn't been the best person to be around and he thought Yamaguchi would understand why he's been so distant. Unlike Shoyo, he doesn't blame himself for the distance, and if anything it's Yamaguchi's fault for not trying hard enough. "I don't care if he likes someone else… Is that he didn't tell me. It's my fault Kei that he can't trust me anymore." Kei trembles a bit, he doesn't like the King, and for the King to cause Shoyo so much pain. "I was the one who ruined our friendship because of my selfishness." Shoyo is letting out a quiet sob, not wanting to make too much noise where it might alert Akiteru, his arms reaching around Kei, and fingers holding onto his back as he digs his head into his chest. 

Kei continues to stroke Shoyo's hair with his hands and whispers "It's not your fault Shoyo. You weren't selfish at all. You weren't ready to talk to him. We aren't ready to talk to anyone." He pulls him even closer to his chest, a sense of possessiveness takes over him, one of his hands proceeds to caress his Shoyo, and his other arm wraps itself behind Shoyos back sneaking his way under his shirt to rub circles directly onto his back. The soft gasp that Shoyo lets out doesn't go unaccounted for and he wants more but he knows now isn't the right time. "I knew it was stupid thing to cry about." Shoyo feels so warm surrounded by Kei, it's soothing him, and he's tingling from all the endearment given to him. "No. Don't say that… don't ever say that. It's not stupid to cry about. Our therapist would say so too." Kei lays a kiss on Shoyo's forehead, he's oddly happy on the inside because now he knows that he's the only one who's seen Shoyo like this, and he's the only one Shoyo trusts. He's uncharacteristically selfish, he doesn't want to share Shoyo with the King, he doesn't want to share him with anyone, and yet as selfish as he can be he doesn't want Shoyo to be lonely. Kei just wants to consume him in his arms with affection, make him stay only by his side, and yet Shoyo was always meant to shine and be surrounded by people. He can't dim the light that is Shoyo, he can't stand to watch as Shoyo who stands so brightly, to fall down the dark side that is him, to succumb Shoyo to his loneliness, to his grief, and his greed to keep him by his side. Kei tries not to cry because for Shoyo to be the sun that he is meant to be, he needs to let go, and fix it. He's helpless when it comes to Shoyo. "Shoyo, I'll talk to Kageyama tomorrow. I'll fix things between the both of you." Kei knows he is the deterrent that keeps everyone away from Shoyo. "Do you trust me?" Shoyo looks up at Kei, he doesn't understand why Kei feels the need to fix things when it's his own fault, and yet he still nods because he does trust Kei with him. 

"What about Yamaguchi? He's your friend too… He likes Kageyama and I don't want to take Kageyama away from him too. They're friends too even though he loves Kageyama. Shouldn't we help Yamaguchi get together with him?" Kei hates how perceptive Shoyo is, how selfless he can be, even though Shoyo likes Kageyama, to be willing to give him up to Yamaguchi, and Kei hates it. He wants Shoyo to be happy and Yamaguchi can take the bullet. He may just want to spite him. "Yamaguchi will be fine." Yamaguchi may be his best friend but Shoyo for some reason comes first to Kei. "Now go to sleep. We have school tomorrow and early practice." Kei caresses Shoyo's hair and continues to rub at his back to get him to fall asleep. "Good night Kei." The drowsy tone of his voice has Kei knowing his trick is working, when he hears the soft breathing, and low snores from Shoyo that he stops his soft touches. He kisses Shoyos forehead again before he falls into the same slumber. 

When morning practice begins, it's a surprise to all of the boys that Tsukishima asks Kageyama to toss to him, and the team isn't exactly oblivious to the tension between the two boys. They've noticed the pissing contest over Hinata which the third years pointedly told the first years not to get involved considering Tsukishima and Kageyama are their most volatile team members and to trust them they really don't want to be on the receiving end of one of their menacing looks. Tanaka, their number two and co-captain, had said that if they take their personal problems into the court then it will be handled, and it was more of a warning than it is a statement which what was said was 'don't f*cking get involved unless you want to get punched.' Their fellow third years Nishinoya, Kinoshita, and Narita can tell that the co-captain and captain know more than they're willing to spill. The first years took the warning to heart, they would also wait for Hinata who can tame them with his charming smile, and shining aura. "Okay." Kageyama grumbles, he wanted to practice with Hinata their unique quick attack, but fine Tsukishima will do. Everyone lets out a breath as they spread out for morning practice. 

Kageyama tosses to Tsukishima, it has been a while since they've practiced together, and even though he doesn't like being near Tsukishima this practice will do them well for the team. Yamaguchi keeps an eye on the two of them and he doesn't like the feeling that's creeping up on him. That something is about to change and it's all because of Tsukishima. "You can toss it higher. I may not be Hinata your highness but I can still put in the effort to jump." Kageyama scowls and sets the toss a little higher than usual. Tsukishima isn't one for spiking, preferring to block over slamming a ball down with all his force, but he still has a strength that rivals some of the top aces in their country. "Was that good enough for you?" Tsukishima scoffs. "Just fine." Tsukishima knows he shouldn't be poking the lion before they start a conversation that may affect their future so he stops himself from teasing. They continue their tosses in silence, it's almost unnerving for the both of them, Kageyama confused on why Tsukishima wants to even practice with him, and Tsukishima not able to get up the nerve to start the conversation. Tsukishima sighs after another toss that fits perfectly to his height and he wants to grimace from how accurate Kageyama tosses are. He hates it so much. He makes sure that their conversation is one not to be overheard by his teammates or Hinata. 

"Do you like Hinata?" Kageyama in his shock tosses awkwardly but Tsukishima still spikes it so as not to make a scene. "What!" With Kageyama's outburst, everyone turns to them, and Tsukishima has to clear his throat. "I said toss it higher!" Kageyama's face blooms, a pretty pink, and he grabs another volleyball flustered. Then it comes to him like a rubber band flicking him in the face, Kageyama's lingering stares, weird possessive touches on his Shoyo, and the trailing. His majesty is in love with his Shoyo. He's always known even before this all had happened the two of them had a bond different than any other. Sometimes watching them reminded him of his mother and his mom together… This confirms it though Kageyama's in love with his Shoyo. Shoyo who is someone so dear to him. No. No. Bad Kei. Bad Kei. Shoyo belongs to no one. Remember the objective, fixing Shoyo's friendship with his lordliness, and they can be friends right? Tsukishima waits for the eyes of his teammates to disappear. Yamaguchi watches intently disliking what he's seeing, he knows Tsukishima up to something, and he knows his best friend well enough when he's planning something. He wants to pop up ready to defend Kageyama but a first year drags him into serve practice which he was supposed to be doing with Kageyama. 

"So you do like him." Tsukishima says trying to sound casual and Kageyama tries to shush him. "Can you be quiet? Of course I don't like him." Kageyama is nervous and he doesn't want anyone to find out. Did Yamaguchi say something about him to Tsukishima? No, not possible. Things will change if Tsukishima says something, he's afraid, and what if the rest of the team finds out? Will he be outcast? What would Hinata say? Would he lose Yamaguchi as a friend if everyone turns on him? "You're too obvious." Tsukishima slammed the toss sent to him with suppressed anger. "You shouldn't be saying those things out loud. We can get in trouble." Tsukishima scoffs. "Get with the times your majesty. Nobody here cares if you're gay." Kageyama sends the toss higher than before which Tsukishima barely hits with the tips of his fingers. The typical control that Kageyama has with the ball he feels he's losing it. "It may be easy for you since you've had friends your whole life and you don't care what people think but I do." Tsukishima scoffs. "So you're scared to ask Hinata out on a date because of what people will think. You're nothing but a coward." Tsukishima stops at his tracks. Wait. What. Why would he tell Kageyama that? This isn't what he planned. He wanted them to be friends not go on a date. He looks back to see Hinata smile at him, he's helpless because he wants to see that smile on him everyday, and he bites his cheeks from saying something else. "A date… you… want me to ask him out on a date? I thought. Why?" Kageyama is baffled, Tsukishima trying to help him with Hinata, and he's right. He shouldn't care what people think just like his grandfather said. So does that mean all this time Hinata liked him back? That must be the secret he was keeping from him. Kageyama toss was perfect for Tsukishima to him, it was one filled with excitement, and Tsukishima spikes it as hard as he can letting out his frustrations of saying the wrong thing. "You like him right, your highness? Then ask him out on a date." Kageyama doesn't know what has gotten into Tsukishima, he always thought Tsukishima didn't like him, and now maybe something changed in him that he wants to help him. The small smile that Kageyama has, makes Tsukishima shiver. Tsukishima soon regrets this conversation. 

Morning practice ends with no fighting but Yamaguchi manages to catch Kageyama seeing the smile he has on his face before they change. "Hey. What did you and Tsuki talk about?" Curiosity is written all over the question he asked, Kageyama continues to smile, the one he gets when the vending machine drops two milks instead of one, and it has Yamaguchi frightened a bit. Just what did they talk about? "Tsukishima told me to ask Hinata out on a date." Yamaguchi flabbergasted. "Wait. Wait. Wait. What?!" Kageyama only continues to smile as he fiddles with his cute little bangs. "Are you going to do it?" Kageyama shyly nods. Yamaguchi feels himself breaking and he tries to nip this idea in the bud before he shatters entirely. "You know Tsukishima could be joking, Kageyama. He doesn't like you very much, remember?" Kageyama falters a bit but he stands up with a little puff to his chest. "I don't know he said that I shouldn't care what everyone thinks. That I should just do it." Yamaguchi is desperate, he wants to stop Kageyama, and he doesn't want his heart to split again. How could Tsukishima do this to him? Why would he do this? Isn't it obvious to him that he liked Kageyama? "What if he rejects you Kageyama?" He tries to push Kageyama back mentally but Kageyama bulldozes over all of his stop signs. "Then it happens. It's like what Oikawa-senpai says right? If you're going to hit it, hit it till it breaks." Yamaguchi exasperated retorts. "But that only works for volleyball not real life. You can't do that for dating. If he says no then give up and move on right? Just like what I did with Tsukishima." He feels himself tearing up and Kageyama hits the nail on the coffin on the subject. "But I'm not you. I'm me. I don't give up." With that Kageyama leaves him inspired to go ask Hinata out on a date while Yamaguchi is crumbling in the ground being hit with waves of indirect rejection. 

Kageyama catches Hinata before he leaves for class with Tsukishima. Tsukishima takes that as his clue to give them privacy. "Hinata-boke!" Hinata stops at the sound of Kageyama's voice, he wonders if he's done something wrong, or Tsukishima said something terrible to him. "Kageyama whatever Tsukishima said. I promise I'll talk to him about it. I know he could be a bully-" Kageyama grabs Hinata's hand, dragging him somewhere private, and Hinata thought he would feel electric from the touch but he feels nothing, maybe it's from all the crying he's done that numbs his emotions. "Bakayama! We have classes to go to and I can't be late. It's against-" Kageyama cuts Hinata short in his sentence by placing both his hands on his cheek and trying to pull Hinata into a kiss. In his shock, Hinata pushes Kageyama back before he even lands a kiss, and yells. "What are you doing!?" Kageyama lets him go in surprise, he was so excited that the whole reason he got them in private was to ask Hinata out not assault him, and he stumbles with his words. Hinata backs away to the wall, sure he's wanted Kageyama to kiss him before but not like this, not out of the blue, and it frightens him. "GO OUT ON A DATE WITH ME." Hinata hits the wall, his face as red as a tomato and he never thought this would happen. Is this what Tsukishima meant when he would fix things? There is a sort of anticipated silence as Kageyama is blushing as well and Hinata takes a moment to calm down. "I. Uh. I." Hinata is stuttering, he isn't ready for a relationship, and he doesn’t want to hurt Yamaguchi. "Just one date right?" Kageyama nods and responds. "It can be more than one date if you want?" Hinata is tentative to agree. "Can you give me till the end of the day to respond?" Kageyama takes his bangs into his fingers and gives Hinata the okay. He doesn't really like the idea but he did tell Yamaguchi he wouldn't give up. 

At lunchtime Kageyama looks for Yamaguchi to tell him the news but he can't seem to find him anywhere. He decides to eat his lunch alone before it ends. He watches other couples sitting about and he wonders if Hinata and him will be like that? He's reminded by the way Hinata pushed him away. What if Hinata says no because he tried to kiss him before they even started dating? He knew it was wrong of him but he was really excited to ask him out to finally get all his feelings in order. To finally be able to let go of all these doubts of love and jealousy. He is helpless and when he finishes his lunch, he stares up at the sky, wishing for some sort of god up there that'll help him. 

All of Kageyama's worries, has him unable to focus all day, and when they reach afternoon practice Yamaguchi isn't there. Kageyama wants to text Yamaguchi why he is ditching practice but a tap on his arm has him putting his phone away. Kageyama's heart went boom seeing Hinata in front of him twisting his fingers together and he smiles up at Kageyama with the familiar dimples he recognizes from the first time he's seen it. His eyes show the same emotion of happiness and Kageyama has hearts surrounding him. "Can we talk somewhere private after practice today?" Kageyama nods quickly as they start to set up for their practices. He can't help the glances towards Tsukishima and Hinata with Hinata chattering happily away and Tsukishima looking grumpy though he always looks angry to Kageyama. Everyone tries not to get affected by Kageyama's mood swing. Practice goes smoothly, ending with the coach announcing their next training camp, and they head to the dressing room. Kageyama quickly gets dressed waiting for Hinata outside of the school. Tsukishima and Hinata walk out of the school together. "I'll leave you to it." Tsukishima says quite awkwardly as he walks away from them. 

They both stand there waiting for Tsukishima to be far enough for him not to hear their conversation. "So I put some thought into it." Hinata genuinely smiles up at him and Kageyama's heart beats uncontrollably. "I want to go on a date with you but…" Kageyama's smile wavers, but? Why should there be a but? If he wants to date then that means they should be together right? "But?" Kageyama asks quickly, he wants this, he wants to be able to kiss him, and hold hands like all the other people do. "But is it okay if we take it slow? I just have a lot on my plate right now and I don't know if I'm ready to be in any relationship at the current moment but I still want to go on a date. If that's okay." Kageyama enthusiastically nods. "Yes. A date it's fine. Is this Saturday okay?" Kageyama has never felt this exhilarated before for something that isn't milk or volleyball. Hinata beams up at him and agrees. "Is it okay to kiss you now?" Hinata not wanting to ruin the moment settles to giving him a kiss on the cheek. For some reason having Kageyama give him his first kiss feels wrong but he feels he can settle his feelings after his first date. "Well I should go home now. We can have that date on Saturday." Hinata walks off and waves a goodbye. 

Kageyama feels himself burst with happiness, he fist pumps to himself a silent yes, and he can't but run home with all the adrenaline he feels. He has a date with Hinata on Saturday and he's going to make it the best date. When he arrives home, into his bedroom, he jumps onto his bed, and he screams his delight onto a pillow. He's elated and he texts Yamaguchi the news wanting to talk to someone. Oddly enough Yamaguchi doesn't respond but he is hopeless when it comes to Hinata. Sure, it's just a date but he's going to kill it like he does volleyball, and he hopes with this date that things between them will go back to normal well more than normal. Now they'll kiss, hold hands, and go on dates every Saturday. He puts his hand to his chest and he really is helpless. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> For those of you who are confused with the KageHina all of a sudden, trust me things get better. 
> 
> Chapter 8 -Talking to the Moon/First Burn
> 
> The process of moving Akiteru and Kei in was one that required lots of patience for Hinata as learning to live with two strangers is another difficulty which leads to another catastrophic breakdown. Akiteru learns more about Hinata's mom Sayuri and his own mother Ayame disappears out of the blue.


	9. Two Birds

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> 'Telling his parents the other kids were mean to him had no effect. They also told him the typical 'if sticks and stones may break your bones, then words can never hurt you' which he believes that the phrase should bury itself six feet under. Words hurt like a b*tch, it'll forever be engraved into your heart and mind, and no matter how hard you try to move on from the pain it will come to bite you in the ass.'
> 
> Yamaguchi and Tsukishima have an argument that has the two of them rethinking their friendship. Kageyama is worried about Yamaguchi and Hinata is nervous about his date with Kageyama.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here I come late as freaking ever and changing the name of the chapter on you guys. I think you guys are going to get tired of me apologizing so much so I'm just going to say sorry for each and every other chapter I put out late. I got inspired to do this chapter because I wanted some more Gucci. Don't worry the the previously mentioned chapter coming up will still happen. 
> 
> Two Birds - Regina Spektor

Chapter 9 - Two Birds

**_"Two birds on a wire_ **

**_One tries to fly away_ **

**_And the other watches him close from that wire_ **

**_He says he wants to as well_ **

**_But he is a liar..."_ **

He's exhausted. He's tired of living a life unappreciated by everyone around him. He runs for his life. He runs to try to find something. Salvation maybe? No. Nothing could have prepared him for the defeat today. Nothing could have prepared him for the inner humiliation he felt being rejected so savagely, so ignorantly, and so excruciating. He ignores the burn in his muscles. All he can do is hold on to the pieces of his heart in his hands. He doesn't want to think of the betrayal he feels. He wants to be liberated of his duties as a caring friend. His so-called best friend broke his heart, not once, but twice. He doesn't know whether he did it intentionally or unintentionally. He doesn't know why he put Hinata over him so easily. He doesn’t know why he is always second-best or not even third-best; heck he’s always last to be picked on. For once he just wants to be number one in someone's eyes but that would just be giving him false hope. When he gets home, he heads straight to his room and lays flat on the bed. Everything hurts, he feels the crushing defeat of rejection, to be openly mortified, and his heart can’t take it anymore. He curls in on himself, he lets out an ear pitching sob, and he places his hands over his heart. He hates this so much. Why is he always the one who gets hurt because of Tsukishima? He can’t blame Kageyama or Hinata; they’re ever oblivious of his feelings. The only one he can blame is Tsukishima and he just wants to know why. Why is it always Tsukishima who stabs him in the back? Why is it that he can never move forward when Tsukishima is around? 

The rest of the day, he spends it in a haze. He wants to leave this town and never look back. He wants to forget how to breathe. He wants to find a bridge to jump off of. Nobody would care if he were gone right? If he were gone would they even notice? Would Kageyama notice if he were gone? Would his teammates notice? Would Tsuki notice? He lets out another sob, one worse than the other, and his muscles feel weightless as he slowly drowns himself in melancholy. He's worthless isn't he? Is he even considered an essential person to anyone? Once Kageyama gets together with Hinata, all hope for him is lost because how could he even recover from his best friend's betrayal and his own heartbreak. How could he even begin to glue together the bits of his heart as a whole again? He reaches for his phone, he doesn't know if he should even look at the messages Kageyama sent, and he could almost tell from the way his phone doesn't stop vibrating that Kageyama got his date. He throws his phone at the wall. It's not fair. Why couldn't he have been more selfish? Why couldn't he have been more brave? Why couldn't he shine as bright as Hinata? Why couldn't his best friend be on his side for once? He holds his chest again and cries continuously. He wonders if his parents even care about him. He wonders if there is anyone out there who even wants to see him alive. He just wants to die on his bed but even he knows he isn't brave enough to end himself. Stupidly enough, he still wants to live, deep down in one of the pieces of his heart, he believes that everything will be alright, and he wants to believe that Tsuki still cares about him and Kageyama will rise to be his shining king in armor. So he rather just lay there feeling the pressure of his internal suffering kill whatever is left of his happy persona. 

When Tsukishima had lunch today, he wasn't expecting an outburst from Hinata, surprisingly an angry outburst, and this shocked Tsukishima. It's been a while since they've had an argument, well an argument that wasn't just bickering over what movie to watch or TV show though even then Tsukishima always wins since he's younger. Yet this, this is nothing compared to those. "What the hell were you thinking!?" Hinata doesn't care whether everyone can hear him. "Having Kageyama ask me out on a date! When you know Yamaguchi likes him! He's your best friend you stupid-shima!" Hinata was outraged and Tsukishima hasn't seen Hinata this angry before. Tsukishima instinctively backs away to the wall, quite ready to defend himself if Hinata were to throw a punch. He's seen how explosive Kageyama and Hinata fights get, and from what he remembers of Hinata arguing with his dad. Hinata does get a bit loud when he's angry. "I was just trying to help you. You like Kageyama. You stupid shrimp so I thought you would have wanted a date." Tsukishima to be honest doesn't know why he would have recommended a date. Heck it hurt him to bits even the idea of the king and his Shoyo together. "You're such a stupid-shima! I like Kageyama but not at the expense of hurting someone else. I never wanted to hurt Yamaguchi. I also don't want to hurt Kageyama either with all my baggage on my back. I'm not ready for a relationship. Do you honestly think that it's fair that you decide what I want. What I'm ready for." Hinata digs his nails in his hands and Tsukishima feels guilty while reaching for Hinata's hand. "I'm sorry Hinata." Tsukishima says softly, he takes his hands in his, and rubs circles on them. "You're a stupid-shima." Hinata takes his hands away from him, he knows if he lets Tsukishima with his puppy eyes, and soft touches get to him. He'll end up forgiving him in a heartbeat. "Stupid. Stupid. Stupid. Stupid. I don't want Yamaguchi and Kageyama to get hurt because of me. Stupid. Stupid. Baka. Baka. Baka." Hinata crosses his arms, continuing his rambling, and his face has an angry pout on it. Tsukishima can't help but think he looks cute with that pout. Cute? Wait what? Shoyo cute? Hardly. 

Hinata eats his bento angrily, they were lucky to have some leftovers for lunch, and Tsukishima sighs loudly. Hinata had put a great distance between them and it didn't sit right with him. He also doesn't understand how selfless Hinata could be. It's not like they were great friends and well Yamaguchi is his best friend. Yamaguchi is his best friend. He repeats it to himself multiple times. Damn it. He messed up. Of course he did. His best friend is in love with Kageyama and what he does is push his Shoyo and Kageyama together. He's really an idiot. A big one. Why does he suck with all of this feeling stuff? He wonders how Shoyo is so good at people while when it comes to school he's a blundering idiot. Tsukishima exhales again, he just doesn't understand why he would put Shoyo over Yamaguchi, and shouldn't he have tried to have pushed Yams together with Kageyama. Sure, he was angry with Yamaguchi for not telling him his secret, and well he has been spending more time with his majesty but seeing his Shoyo so broken. So grief-stricken by the revelation of Yamaguchi's feelings and the idea that Kageyama doesn't think he's his friend anymore yesterday had him wanting to see his Shoyo smile again. "I'll talk to Yamaguchi after practice Shoyo." Tsukishima finally quite understands the predicament that he messed up big enough to get scolded by Shoyo. "Good. You better talk to him. He really does care about you." Tsukishima rolls his eyes and responds "Yes Shoyo."

Hinata stops to look up to Tsukishima; a light blush on his face. "You hardly call me by my first name at school." Tsukishima flushes. "Don't make it sound like it's something special shrimp. We always say our names at home." They're both slightly embarrassed. "Stupid Kei. Saying embarrassing things." Hinata blushes harder and Tsukishima covers his face flustered. Why are they like this? It's not like they like each other like that. Sure, they like each other enough to snuggle together, and at night speak in hushed comforting tones. It's odd how at home, how comfortable they are cuddled up, and saying each other's given names while at school it becomes a flustered mess for the both of them. They're honestly quite nervous when it comes to showing affection to each other at school, and they're only very close towards each other at school when they're both having down days. They've never really talked about calling each other by their given names, they just started doing it when they talked about their mothers, or their lives. It became something special for them that talking about it would ruin the uniqueness. 

Tsukishima bites his cheek wanting to think of something else that isn't his and Shoyo's relationship. "So are you going to reject Kageyama?" Tsukishima takes a bite of his lunch and he's secretly hoping Hinata will reject his majesty because then he might be able to save Yamaguchi's friendship and he can keep Shoyo to himself. Shoyo sets his chopsticks down and he sits next to Tsukishima, they're shoulder to shoulder now, and Tsukishima takes that as a sign that Hinata has accepted his apology. "I wanted to reject him when he asked me since really all I could think about was you." Hinata pointedly excludes that Kageyama tried to kiss him, he doesn't know if Tsukishima would react well about that, and it felt wrong. It's the flowers again and their surrounding them. Tsukishima feels his heart accelerate and the rosy pink of his cheeks turn red. This is the second time in a while that Hinata has said something that has made his heart skip a beat. "But then I looked at his face and he looked so helpless that I told him to give me the rest of the day to think about it." Tsukishima goes rigid, the flowers wither, and he retorts. "But you are going to reject him right? You aren't going to lead him on right?" Hinata lays his head on Tsukishima's arm. "I want to. You know I was kind of happy when he asked me out on a date. I felt like things were normal for once." He takes a bite from his bento and Tsukishima tightens his hold on his bento. "But then I thought about you and I felt guilty. I felt guilty that while I was out and about being happy. You were alone… it's not fair right. I don't want to be happy if you aren't happy. We promised we would go through it together and until we were okay to be happy." Tsukishima places his head on Hinata's. "Shoyo. You don't have to wait for me." Tsukishima says solemnly. "But we promised to do this together." Hinata quietly whispers. "I know we did but remember what Doctor Chinen said we all have our own process. We all are different." Hinata repeats that last phrase with him. "It's okay to feel happy, it's okay to feel sad, it's okay to feel angry, because that's all part of the process. You're both your own person and you both have your own method of recovery. Don't feel guilty if you're moving faster than the other, not one person is the same with the way they move forward in life. Support each other, but at the comfortable pace you both set for yourself that's the most important thing to remember." They both say it in unison and roll their eyes. "She says that every meeting. She almost sounds robotic sometimes. Even now we sounded like robots now." Hinata chortles and Tsukishima snorts. "Sometimes I feel like she takes that out of the internet. Maybe she recites it in her head multiple times before she says it." Tsukishima says while snorting. "Peppa-shima. We shouldn't be mean you know. She has helped a lot even though you were all grumpy-shima about it. Maybe I could make her a cake as a thank you." Tsukishima lights up a bit ignoring the fact he was called Peppa-Shima. "Strawberry Shortcake. Make it Strawberry shortcake." Hinata laughs high and keen. "Okay. Alright. I will. It seems I've unlocked Sugar-shima." Tsukishima pouts and bumps Hinata not liking being teased. Hinata only just muffles his laughter and bumps against him too. 

"So I'm going to say yes but just for one date. One date. It's not like we are going to be boyfriends automatically." Hinata says making his final decision. Tsukishima leans a little into Hinata, setting his bento aside, and hugging him. He doesn't want to lose him. "Just one date? What if things go well…" he squeezes Hinata it's almost as if he thinks he'll just slip away from him. He hides his head in Hinata's shoulder and softly inhales. "If things go well. I'm still going to take things slow." Hinata is soft and he reaches back to brush Tsukishima’s golden locks. "You come first, you know Kei. If you tell me it's not okay. I'll say no." Kei shakes his head; he knows he should be helping Yamaguchi but Shoyo needs this more or maybe because he's a coward to his own feelings. "You should do it. You've liked Kageyama since the beginning of your first year. I'll talk to Yamaguchi about it." Kei whispers into his neck. "I was kind of happy that he asked me out. You know in my first year, Kageyama made me feel invincible, he pushed me to be better at volleyball, and he was an all-around rival. Not saying that you aren't a rival of mine. Kageyama just made me feel like I can be great for once. He made my heart go gwah and he would say things like as long as I'm here you're invincible. I know it's pretty cheesy but it was the first time my heart went boom." Tsukishima snorts. "Hey! It's not funny. He really did make me go all Gwah and pwah." Tsukishima continues to pout. "What about now does he still make you feel that way?" Tsukishima lets his curiosity take over and squeezes him possessively with his arms around Hinata's waist. "I don't know… I just feel numb to everything." Hinata looks down to his bento, he's confused about what he feels about Kageyama, he likes him but it's gotten harder to tell if he does like Kageyama or he is trying to feel what he felt back then. "I'm just. I want to make sure. Okay? Back then when things were normal. I probably would have been ecstatic. I would have been feeling butterflies in my stomach. Now it's… it's not there and I don't know if it's because I lost the love for him or it's because I'm numb to feeling love for anyone." Hinata holds back the tears. "I just want to make sure that my feelings back then weren't just because I made a friend that had the same love for volleyball like I do. It just wasn't that I liked him because he was pretty and he pushed me to work harder in volleyball. I know. It's stupid." Tsukishima tightens the hold on him. "Kageyama made me feel whoosh. Now after the argument. After everything that's happened. I just want to try for one date okay? I want to feel normal again." Tsukishima sighs. "Okay. Just don't go in there expecting too much." 

Tsukishima places all of his weight on Hinata, toppling both of them over. This should lighten the mood. Hinata squawks and yells "Gwah. So heavy! How can a guy who eats so little be so heavy!! That's it no more cake for you!" Tsukishima only puts more of his weight on Hinata and lets out a groan. "No. Don't take my desserts." Hinata continues to struggle under him and gives up. "Fatty-shima. Get off! You're heavy!" He continues to whine and Tsukishima pinches Hinata's stomach. "Who are you calling fatty? Shrimp. Huh." Their bickering continues till the end of lunch. 

Yamaguchi ignores the multitude of messages coming from his teammates and Kageyama over the past few days; he also notices that Tsukishima is the only one who hasn't sent a message. They all seem like they're worried about him but that's just a lie. They're only texting him because they have to, it's not like they actually care. He curls in on himself, he doesn't know how long he's been like this, his mom has only come in to check in on him twice trying to get him to go to school but failing ultimately, and his father only yells at him to get up making him feel worse. Their ignorance to his pain, they make it sound like it's so easy to get over this melancholy, and it's not. He doesn't feel like moving. He doesn't want to eat. He doesn't think he can stomach anything. They blame him for feeling this way, for feeling like his world is ending, and if only they would take the time to talk to him. Tell him that they will support him, that they're there by his side, and yet his parents are so stuck in their old ways that boys can't have feelings that their emotions should be hidden that they hurt their own son unintentionally. He still lays curled up on his bed in anguish waiting for someone to save him.

_ Yamaguchi still loves his parents though, they're not bad, they just have their flaws, and one of them is their lack of consideration of their son's mental health. He was raised with lots of love from both of his parents, he won't lie about that, and he was spoiled to no ends but school was a different story. It wasn't that the other kids hated him, he was just noted as being scrawny, a pushover, and someone so easy to take advantage of. That's what made him an easy target for the bullies who made him carry their bags and books. He wasn't hurt enough to be left with bruises that were visible to the teachers or his parents, he was the laughingstock of his class whenever he cried, and he was constantly called a crybaby for getting hurt by the painful words. The bullies repeatedly told him that he will never be manly if he can't stop being so sensitive about everything. His freckles were one of the reasons he was pushed around so much. He doesn't know why kids at that age have to nitpick on his freckles; now he just thinks it shows how those ignorant parents raised their kids.  _

_ Telling his parents the other kids were mean to him had no effect. They also told him the typical 'if sticks and stones may break your bones, then words can never hurt you' which he believes that the phrase should bury itself six feet under. Words hurt like a b*tch, it'll forever be engraved into your heart and mind, and no matter how hard you try to move on from the pain it will come to bite you in the ass. His parents only made things worse, well as worse as any parents can make it, like for example talking to the other parents and those parents telling their kids not to be mean to Yamaguchi-kun or talking to the teacher who gave punishments to said bullies which ended in him dealing with even worse. Yes, saying his name made things worse, and the kids called him a snitch. A tattle-tale. So from then on he kept his mouth shut, he tried to hide his freckles, and tried to keep from crying but it was useless. The bullies just threw their bags at him like he was some sort of pack mule. Kids are just ruthless. _

_ It was another unfortunate day of being bullied that he met Tsukishima. His best friend in the whole world. It was two years before entering junior high and he was so fascinated by Tsukishima. How could a kid be so tall? Yamaguchi was enamored by him. Who wouldn't you know? Especially since he saved him from being tormented by simple-minded children who really deserved a spanking. To be honest he misinterpreted Tsukishima's comment when he called them lame. He thought he was calling him lame too which hit his self-esteem quite harshly. What surprised Yamaguchi the most about Tsuki was his height and he wondered how a kid that tall could be in primary school. After that encounter he lost sight of Tsukishima, he was confused on how he could lose such a tall person from his sight, he really wanted to thank him, and he didn't know what class he belonged to until he stumbled upon Volleyball. The reason he wanted to join volleyball was mostly because the bullies occupied basketball and soccer. His mentality was to avoid the sports with the most intimidating guys needless to say if his older self could tell his younger self that volleyball guys are just as frightening as the basketball and soccer players are; he would.  _

_ By coincidence, he meets Tsukishima again, at the doors of the volleyball gym, and he is ignored. He's accustomed to being either ignored or teased but he really had to thank him for the other day. He takes a step and blurts out. "Thank you!" Tsukishima is shocked by the sudden outburst "um who are you?" Yamaguchi aghast that he didn't remember him explained to him who he was and proceeded to compliment Tsukishima's hand me down shoes which had Tsukishima blushing lightly not used to being complimented. That is where their spark of friendship came from, which led to many museum hang-outs with Tsukishima's mom, unannounced sleepovers, their main topic of conversation was dinosaurs or Tsukishima's brother. Sometimes music. Maybe Yamaguchi admired Tsukishima way before he found out what love was because he did everything he could to please his new friend even if it meant sacrificing the things he liked. Even if he had to rush out of the butterfly and moth garden just so Tsukishima could spend all their time at the dinosaur exhibit or when he had to trade fries with Tsukishima; he was stuck with the floppy fries which now he admits are his favorite food in the world. Despite that Tsukishima was still uncharacteristically friendly, and he wasn't afraid to tell Yamaguchi to speak up when he wanted something or when he saw Yams look at things for too long.  _

_ Admittedly Yamaguchi gained a small bit of confidence with Tsukishima who was always telling him to speak his mind. He was still shy, he hid more often than not behind Tsukishima, the advantage of having such a tall friend, and he was always talking about his feelings. For Yamaguchi, Tsuki was always first in his mind, and in his heart but funnily enough Yamaguchi always knew that he was never going to be first in Tsukishima mind. He knows what drives Tsukishima forward would always be Akiteru and his mom. Tsukishima would never mention his mom to him, unlike Yamaguchi who had his heart on his sleeves, Tsuki hid his feelings very well, he was adamant of keeping them to himself, but he saw the love he had for his mom in the little things he did. He also understands how embarrassing it would be for a boy to talk about their mom in front of their friend you know. He always knew that Tsukishima would always put Akiteru and his mom first over him which hurts but he understands. _

_ Their friendship which was slowly climbing to the next step reached a standstill when Tsuki had a complete personality makeover. A new blunt and cruel demeanor that had multiple of their peers cowering with just a simple glare towards them. Though a lot of Tsukishima's personality change had to do with Akiteru. He was there for Tsukishima as he watched him fall to a pit of despair and heartbreak over his brother whom he trusted with everything. Looking at Tsukishima that day was like watching a child who once believed in Santa shatter in the realization that everything was all fake except this is even worse because Tsukishima has to wake up to see the very thing he once idolized in the flesh. Yamaguchi never thought that someone as prideful as Tsukishima would break so easily over losing the trust of his brother. He wanted to help Tsukishima so badly but every time he picked up the shards of Tsukishima's heart he would get cut. Sometimes a nick. Sometimes too deep. Sometimes the glass digs into his hands and it's a burning sensation that he can never pluck out of his palms. When Tsukishima built himself up again, it's almost as if he had built all these walls around him, and Yamaguchi made every effort to break into it but all he can ever do is drill holes looking through the wall to get the little pieces that he could from Tsukishima.  _

_ It's his second year of junior high, he's bent over backwards to approach Tsukishima but he was hurled with insults and constantly thrown off the line of friendship but he held on because Tsuki is all he has. It wasn't everyday that Tsukishima was cruel but the days he was kind as if those words never came out. Yamaguchi, no matter how much he pushed himself to get closer to him, Tsukishima would always place that firm wall between them, and it wasn't until he pushed him against the wall in anger. An anger that he couldn't yet contain anymore, hating how Tsukishima continues to hide his feelings like a secret that he can't trust him, his best friend who has been by his side since primary, and he couldn't take anymore. "How long are you going to keep this from me! I'm your best friend! I've been with you for four years and I've followed you to hell and back! I just want you to talk to me!" He yelled as loud as he could to get his point across. Tsukishima is stunned but retorts just as loud and his voice cracks because he's never had the need to scream at anyone. "I never asked you to keep being my friend!!" It's a statement that has Yamaguchi letting go and it's one he's heard in all the movies when two friends fight. It's so cliche. It breaks him. The dam breaks, the tears that roll down his face make Tsukishima regret what he says because making Yamaguchi cry is unacceptable, and he's an idiot. Yamaguchi does like he always does and he runs away.  _

_ Yamaguchi curls up in himself like he does in the present, he screams in the pillow, and he lets it all out. They don't talk for days, he hasn't felt this lonely since his primary days, and those days he barely felt anything. He was numb to the world around him and any pain he was dealt by vengeful bullies was nothing. What was the point of living when his only friend didn't even want to be his friend? Why is it so hard to be let in by Tsukishima? He's cornered by the bullies again and he doesn't bother to cover his face or his body. When he closes his eyes, the fist never reaches his face, and a low voice that he recognizes comes out. "I recorded all of you and unless you want to get suspended or even worse sued. I suggest you scramble out of here." Tsukishima yet again saves him with his intimidating figure as always and the nonchalant threat of suing them. The three bullies run off not wanting to deal with the snarky giant. Tsukishima helps him up on his feet this time, there's a different atmosphere around him, and Yamaguchi wonders if they're finally going to talk.  _

_ Tsukishima and him walk towards the gym, knowing that practice was over by that time, and Tsukishima is the first to sit at the steps that lead into the gym. He waits for Yamaguchi to sit next to him. Yamaguchi sighs and does as expected. "I'm sorry Yamaguchi." Tsukishima says apologetically. Yamaguchi was stunned, to get an apology from Tsukishima is a rarity, and the puppy dog look he has on when he does something wrong has Yamaguchi fingers twitching ready to accept the apology. "Why should I accept your apology? You really hurt me Tsuki." Yamaguchi keeps his face strong and confident. "You should do it because your best friend lacks any friends and he sucks at all these people's feelings... I never meant to hurt you Yamaguchi... You're my friend and no one can replace you..." Tsukishima obviously struggled for the proper wording, as he said he wasn't very good at feelings, and he did treasure Yamaguchi. "Just… I want to know what's going on in your head, Tsuki. You're my only friend and you don't talk to me. It hurts a lot okay? It hurts when you lash out at me and then the next day you forget it even happened." Yamaguchi looks away from him. "I'm sorry. I… ever since Akiteru. I haven't been myself… I'm sorry." Tsukishima says a voice filled with regret and Yamaguchi understands how much Akiteru affected Tsukishima. "You can trust me Tsuki. I'll never do anything to hurt you… I know it's hard to trust someone now but I've been by your side since the beginning so please talk to me. Tell me what you're feeling." Yamaguchi says gently and Tsukishima retorts "I… I'm hurt… I'm angry at my brother, maybe at the world, for lying to me and I don't know how to control that." Yamaguchi is again stunned by Tsukishima's openness, it's almost as if a window to Tsukishima’s heart was made in the wall filled with holes, and he tries not to sound too excited to talk. He licks his lips subconsciously and replies "it's normal to be disappointed." Tsukishima sighs deeply and tsks as if he was expecting something different. "You sound just like my mom." Yamaguchi looks over at him and speaks "Maybe because your mom has a point sometimes… your brother lied to you and you have the right to feel disappointed but it doesn't give you the right to lash out at others." Tsukishima groans in annoyance and says "Just like my mom… she's the one who told me to apologize." Yamaguchi gives a small smile and of course Tsukishima won't apologize unless someone tells him to. Tsukishima is too conceited to apologize. "I accept your apology Tsuki… just promise me next time. Just talk to me. I promise I won't ever do anything to hurt you. You're my best friend." Tsukishima replies "I promise too. I lashed out at you and it wasn't right. So I promise too I won't do anything to hurt you." Yamaguchi bumps him. They're both not into the cheesiness that conspired between them so they change topics after that.  _

_ Falling in love with Tsukishima was unavoidable, Yamaguchi always felt something for him that went deep, and the connection that they had was special. Yet for some reason, when he was rejected by Tsukishima it hurt but it wasn't to the point where his heart felt as though he was being ripped out. Maybe that's why he was able to withstand being friends with him his last year of junior high and first year of Highschool. He cared more about their friendship than the idea of being lovers with Tsukishima. It had to do more with the new look Tsukishima was sporting that had him attracted to him and maybe he misled himself into thinking that he was in love because he found Tsukishima handsome. _

_ When Tsukishima's mom passed away, it came as a shock to Yamaguchi, a woman so young to have died so horrendously, and he even felt grief. He felt grief for a woman he knew for only for a few short years. He felt grief for his best friend who he's watched fight for his mom for months now. He never pushed Tsukishima to tell him what he feels when his mom was in the coma, he never asked where he went for lunch, and he ignored the new comfortable atmosphere that Tsuki built with Hinata. He never knew when it was the right time to talk to him, he didn't know whether to send flowers to the Tsukishimas, and he didn't know how to respond to Akiteru's curious texts about his brother. Yamaguchi promised that he would be there through thick and thin but he could never find the right time for the conversation to come up due to it being too heavy of a talk that he feels Tsuki won't be comfortable. So when he sees Tsukishima holding onto Hinata he was shocked to watch his best friend collapse in the arms of an orange haired stranger. Someone who Tsukishima has only known since the beginning of their first year that he claimed to dislike for his fiery personality is now the one holding him up. Yamaguchi should have been relieved that his best friend found the support he needed but all he could feel on that occasion was being envious of Hinata. For so long he's been trying to break through that wall that Tsukishima formed, he's struggled to get Tsukishima to open up to him, and now here comes Hinata who jumps over that wall like he could fly. It almost feels like a slap on the face, a mockery to his effort of trying to break through the wall of Tsukishima, and the tears he shed that day weren't for the dead.  _

_ The week hanging out with Kageyama had lifted his spirits to a point he almost forgot about Tsukishima if it weren't for the texts that Akiteru was sending him about Tsukishima missing. He had half-a-mind to tell Kageyama what was going on but he felt that if he did he would be disrespecting Tsukishima. He may not know where the lines of friendship are with Tsukishima despite that he knows it's inappropriate to talk about Tsukishima's situation to a stranger that is Kageyama. When he receives the text from Akiteru that he was with Hinata, again he should feel content, instead he still feels the ugly sin of envy bubbling up in his chest, and he doesn't want to admit he is. He's stubborn.  _

The sound of his door creaking open, has him turning his head to see the full sight of Tsukishima in a yellow t-shirt that was oddly too bright for someone as pessimistic as Tsuki, and a pair of jeans. In his hands, multiple past due classwork, and homework that needed to be completed by Monday. Yamaguchi lifted himself up and let out an awkward laugh. Of course, why would Tsukishima be here to check on his well-being? Just here to drop off homework. Yamaguchi feels the green shirt he has on slip down his shoulders and he knows he probably looks and smells awful but he doesn't care. "Why are you here?" Yamaguchi wanted to sound tough but his voice only came out raspy. "I came to bring you your homework and to talk." Tsukishima says his nose scrunched up a bit from the musky smell of the room. He moves towards Yamaguchi's window and opens it to let the room air out. "I don't want to talk to you Tsukishima." He glares at him. He hears a scoff from Tsukishima and it warrants a "What?" Out of Yamaguchi. "Aren't you always the one that wants to talk? Who wants to express their feelings to the world and what not?" Tsukishima says, sounding as if that idea is oh so ridiculous. "Excuse me. Yeah. I wanted to talk but that was before you stabbed me in the back. Would you like to see the f*cking sword you put in between my shoulder blades?" Yamaguchi grits his teeth and gets out of bed. "I came here to talk to you, Yamaguchi. Not argue." Tsukishima is already sounding irritated. "Well talk then Tsukki. You didn't just come into my house uninvited just so that I can watch you fumble the words." Yamaguchi leans against his desk amused to watch Tsukishima struggle. "Well. I came here to talk about Kageyama. Hinata and him are going on a date tomorrow." Yamaguchi gives a bitter laugh and he feels his heart clench. "I wonder how that happened? Maybe because you persuaded him into asking Hinata out. Did you know I liked him or did you do it unintentionally?" Yamaguchi continues to chuckle. A cruel joke this is really. "It was a mistake. I didn't mean to tell him to date Hinata. This probably wouldn't have happened had you told me from the beginning." Yamaguchi gasps at the ridiculous statement. "And when do you think I would have had the time to talk to you about my love life. When the only person I've been able to be with is Kageyama these last four months while you were building boundaries around yourself." Tsukishima digs his fingers into his hand and retorts "Well I wouldn't have to keep those boundaries if you weren't texting about me to my brother. I didn't exactly see you trying to talk to me about it directly either. I had to go find out from Hinata when you couldn't keep your mouth shut apparently about your secret on Monday." Tsukishima's irritation with Yamaguchi has him on the edge of blowing whereas Yamaguchi is mind blown by Tsuki's statement. "Wait a minute! Wait a minute!" He lifts his hands and opens them like they are blown away. "You're saying you knew that I liked Kageyama and yet you still convinced him to go on a date not with me but with a guy you've only met just last year. That you hated for who he was. Just why. I'm just. I've been your best friend for years and you help Hinata over me… How the hell does that make sense Tsukishima!" Yamaguchi points at him. "I told you it was a mistake!" Yamaguchi is flabbergasted. "A mistake? A mistake? You see what I find so hilarious is that when you make a mistake you expect everyone to forgive you and forget while you." Yamaguchi lets out a sardonic laugh in between his sentences "While you hold a grudge for years. You can't forgive anyone. You can't even forgive your brother Akiteru." Tsukishima replies "Don't bring Akiteru into this conversation where it doesn't have anything to do with what we are talking about. We are talking about Kageyama." Yamaguchi fist clenches on the side of his desk, turning his knuckles white, and he can't help but laugh again. "Fine. I won't bring Akiteru up… I just don't understand Tsukishima." Tsukishima crosses his arms and leans on the window. "Look Yamaguchi… you're my best friend. I never meant to hurt you." Tsukishima looks up to him, he looks apologetic and pathetic to Yamaguchi, and he can't accept it. "You always say that. You always say you never mean to hurt me but you still do it Tsukishima." Yamaguchi wants to cry but he holds his head high. "I just wanted to see Hinata happy…" Tsukishima says and bites at his nails. 

That makes Yamaguchi snap at Tsukishima."You know what else is funny is that you think you get to choose who gets to be happy and who doesn't. I didn't realize you thought you were god Tsukishima where you get to choose based on how much a person sacrifices the win to be happy. I guess I was screwed to be the last person on your list of being cared about. I mean Hinata is way above me. He must be really giving you something good that I can't give yo-" Tsukishima slams his hand on the wall. "Don't you damn talk about Shoyo like that!! Also it's just one date Yamaguchi. Just one date!" Yamaguchi throws everything off his desk in retaliation to Tsukishima’s anger. "It doesn't matter if it's just one date! It's the fact that you chose Hinata over me!" Yamaguchi lets go of his desk, walks towards Tsukishima, and he keeps two step distance between each other. "I told you it was a mistake. It slipped out. I just wanted them to get along again… You think I wanted Hinata to go on a date with Kageyama." Yamaguchi looks up at Tsukishima and watches him attack his thumb and tremor. "If you liked Hinata so much then why go through all of the trouble of self-sabotaging yourself and since you can't seem to be alone in this path of self-destruction. You bring me down to your level because you can't be the only one there." Tsukishima is sweating and he bites harder onto his thumb. "You're wrong. I don't like Hinata and if you feel like I'm holding you back then how about we stop being friends. I don't need you in my life…" Waterworks drip down Yamaguchi's face and he pokes at Tsukishima's chest. He's not going to break down because of this. He isn't going to let Tsukishima have the last words. "Everyday I wake up, wishing I never met you. Wishing that if I could guarantee myself to being happy, I would do it in a heartbeat. Now get out of my house." The words that slipped out of his mouth were lies, only meant to harm in every way possible just like he did to him, and it did the work. Tsukishima pushed him out of his way and out of his house. This time it isn't Yamaguchi who runs. Yamaguchi slams his window shut to slide himself down on the floor to sob into his hand. 

**_'Two birds on a wire…'_ **

Waking up to an empty bed is the worst feeling in the world. Especially when you know the person who you usually sleep next to is going out with someone that isn't you. When your own stupid decision causes your own downfall. The fight with Yamaguchi had him incredibly drained, a panic attack hit him as he left the house as he heard the window of Yamaguchi's room slam down, and it's just why he is so bad at this. He hates himself sometimes. The smell of tangerine entering his room and ruffling his hair softly has him looking blindly up. "I made your favorite pancakes with Strawberry syrup." He sees a mixture of orange and gray but he knows Shoyo is gently smiling down at him. He reaches out to hug Shoyo's waist. "Thank you." It's muffled and soft, he inhales the scent of tangerine mixed with a cologne he can identify as his brothers, and he squeezes. Hinata reaches for his glasses, slides them on his face, and ruffles his hair a bit. "I'm sorry… that I made you go talk to Yamaguchi." Remorse is evident in his voice and Tsukishima shakes his head. "Don't apologize. I went there on my own accord. I had to talk to him. You just gave it a little push is all. Let's talk about it later and I'm not in the mood to relive yesterday." Tsukishima looks up at him. "Also don't you have a date with his highness." He tries to sound nonchalant and he feels his hair being ruffled. "Yeah. I do. I just wanted to check on you first. You were really torn up yesterday… I also." A light blush adorns his face and he gets bashful. "Wanted you to look at what I'm wearing?" Tsukishima lets go to sit back and he looks over Hinata. "Did Akiteru pick this out for you?" Hinata is wearing a gray collared shirt, black skinny jeans, and black dress shoes. His hair has gotten longer and pulled back into a tiny ponytail. Hinata puts his hands in his pockets and looks down. "You don't like it." Tsukishima bites his lips, he wants to say a lot of things, handsome is one of them, and hot as well but instead he settles for something tame. "You look nice. The dress shoes though aren't good for walking around knowing his majesty." Hinata places a hand on his neck and he looks down albeit a bit disheartened by Tsukishima's opinion. "I told Aki-kun that they're a little tight." Tsukishima stretches, getting out of bed, and he still has the yellow shirt on from the day before. "Let me brush my teeth. I'll pick out some better shoes for you." Hinata gives him a small okay and leaves the room. 

Tsukishima takes the time to change clothes, another yellow shirt except it had a gudetama drawn on it, he chuckles at it because it's something Shoyo picked out for him, and he puts on black shorts. He heads to the bathroom to wash his face and brush his teeth. He tries not to think back on Yamaguchi's words. "I'm not sabotaging myself." He whispers under his breath and he washes his face again to wipe away the words he said. Tsukishima has never been one for beauty-care but after Akiteru's pleas yesterday of going to the mall and going through every skincare store that can fix his baggy eyes and stress acne, he agrees with Akiteru that he does look like carp, and he applies the acne cream and eye cream. One of the reasons they went to the mall yesterday was to get Hinata clothes, considering he had none that were suitable for a date, Hinata's clothes consisted of mismatched clothes and sportswear, and Akiteru wasn't going to have Hinata look bad on his first ever date. He also took advantage of the trip to the mall to bully Kei into getting skincare products and as well as getting his lovely girlfriend Saeko a gift for their six month anniversary. Hinata was terrible at picking things out for himself which had Kei and Akiteru mainly choosing things suitable for him but when it came to choosing clothes and a gift for Saeko; Hinata was an expert. Akiteru told Kei that it had to do with the fact that Hinata has only ever thought about his sister and mother and became an expert at what girls and women liked and disliked. He goes over to Hinata's room to pick out the new black shoes they got for him and heads to the living room. He takes a deep breath, he feels warm here at home, and he feels safe.

"Hinata, I got you the new vans from yesterday, these should look better with your outfit." He softly yells out to Hinata from the living room and he makes his way to the dining table. He places the shoes on the floor for Hinata; he notices Hinata switched to the indoor shoes. "Thank you Tsuki." Shoyo sets the pancakes for him and drizzles the homemade strawberry syrup over it. "When do you have your date?" He asks as he sits himself down and readys himself to eat. He's practically drooling over the pancakes. "I have to take the bus down to meet Kageyama at the café near Yachi's house. You know the one that serves the really good croissant egg sandwich." Tsukishima nods. "They also make a delicious strawberry cupcake." Tsukishima has a bit of a puppy eyes going on when he talks about  strawberries. "I'll bring you one after my date." Hinata softly smiles at him and he takes the shoes to the front before returning back to the dining room. "Bring me a dozen." Tsukishima says as he savors the pancakes and Hinata laughs gently while speaking "I'll bring you only three Sugar-shima." Tsukishima pouts and admits defeat. "Fine." Hinata chuckles and sits in front of him. "Why don't you ask my brother to drop you off instead of taking the bus?" Tsukishima asks. "He offered to drive me but I wanted to take the bus. I felt like I haven't taken it in a while." Tsukishima nods while eating and he understands Hinata. They haven't taken the bus ever since his mom passed away and they have mostly been walking or in Hinata's case biking everywhere. 

"Are you sure you don't want me to stay today? We can watch a movie and stay on the couch. We could bake a strawberry shortcake. I'm sure Kageyama would understand if I explained to him." Hinata has a concerned look on his face before heading out the front door. "I'll be fine. Akiteru is here with me. So I won't be totally alone and you shouldn't ditch Kageyama because you're all nervous." Hinata slips on the shoes that Tsukishima chose for him and he denies. "I'm not nervous. Just I'm worried about you alright and what if it doesn't go well because you know what if I don't feel the spark or I feel numb or I get an attack or. Or. Or." Tsukishima gently places his hand on Hinata's shoulder and gives him a small smile. "Shoyo. I'm going to be fine. You're going to be fine. Just enjoy the day with Kageyama without thinking about an attack or me and if you're not ready to have a serious relationship. You still have us here alright?" Hinata nods and smiles at him. "Thank you Kei." Hinata takes a few steps towards the door. "One last time, how do I look?" Hinata asks, looking hopeful for a better response. Tsukishima tries not to blush as he scans over Hinata one more time. Again he tries to sound neutral. "You look great Shoyo." Hinata lightly flushes and he grins. "I'll be going then. Thank you Kei." Tsukishima watches Hinata leave and he finally deflates a bit. 

Kei heads to the living room where he is met with his brother. "Did Sho-kun leave already?" Kei nods and he plops on the couch. He's actually internally gushing about how hot Shoyo looked and he really wanted to just kiss that worried look away. God he really is a self-destructive person. "I wanted to take his picture. He looked quite cute didn't he? It would be nice memories to have you know…" There's a bit of a pause before he resumes. "So are you going to tell me about the fight with Tadashi?" Akiteru sits on the sofa chair next to him. "I don't want to talk about it plus you probably already know from whatever text Yamaguchi sent you." Kei says muffled in couch pillows and he turns his back to him. Akiteru sighs "I didn't have to get a text from Tadashi to know you were shaken yesterday Kei and by the way you're too paranoid sometimes. Look I won't bring it up since you're all mopey about Sho-kun going on a date with Kageyama." Kei muffled in the pillow only says "Shut up Akiteru." Akiteru pats his brother's head with a sigh. "Kei. Moping around isn't going to do anything." Kei only grunts and uses the pillow to cover both of his ears. "Kei.." Kei only just groans and he really isn't in any mood to talk. Talking never works for him so he really just rather just dig himself a hole in the couch and die there. "Kei you're ruining the acne cream I got you." Akiteru is pouting, his brother could be such a grump sometimes, and he pokes his face. "Leave me alone." The continuous poking to his cheek has Kei even more frustrated with his brother and as a retaliation he bites Akiteru's finger. "Owwwww! What the hell Kei!!" Akiteru takes his finger away from Kei's face and he receives a smirk from his brother. "I told you to leave me alone." Akiteru grimaces as he holds his finger while Kei goes back to brooding on the couch. "Was biting my finger necessary?" Akiteru asks and Kei replies with a muffled "Yes, you were being annoying." Akiteru glares at him and proceeds to give his brother a merciless poke attack. Kei only just groans and leaves me alone until he finally snaps by slapping Akiteru hands away. "Oh come on Kei. Don't be like that." Kei only just scowls at him, turning himself around so that his brother can get the full effect, and he huffs. Akiteru gives him a cheeky smile and he's reminded of Kei from when he was younger, of all the times the two of them got into a playfight. He continues to pet Kei's head thinking of what to say to get him to stop his sullen mood. "Hey, you want to watch The Good Dinosaur?" Kei nods and he gets off the couch to get his blanket. His mind traces back to what Yamaguchi said about him and it hurts so much. He takes a breath, he knows he will spiral again if he thinks about it, and he reaches his room to get his blanket. Kei goes into Shoyo's room as well and gets himself his dinosaur plush that he lent Shoyo for a bit.

"Kei! I made some popcorn and got us some soda. Hurry up. I'm going to start the movie regardless if you're here or not." Kei hurries to the living room and grumbles about his brother being a bully. Kei again plops down on the couch, he covers himself with his blanket, and holds his plush in his arms inhaling the soft scent of tangerine. Akiteru sits on the couch this time maneuvers Kei's head on a pillow laying on his lap and he places the popcorn on the side table for him to eat with one hand. Typically Kei isn't one to fall asleep during movie time but the day before was exhausting and his mind keeps going back to it. His brother's soothing hand on his head and the scent of the tangerine plush in his hand has him serenaded to sleep. 

When Kei wakes up, there are tears in his eyes, and his brother worries looking down at him. "Kei. Hey. What's wrong?" The dream he was having alludes him and he's shaken. All he can think about is Yamaguchi's words and Hinata being with Kageyama. "Yamaguchi is right about me." Kei says quietly and his tears overflow. "Right about what Kei?" Akiteru brushes his hair back and he tries to sound gentle but he can't help feeling downhearted for his brother. He continues to wipe tears off his brother. "Right about me being a dysfunctional person who just brings everybody down. If Shoyo wasn't so attached to me, he would be able to go back to being who he is, and you… you would be back in college instead of having to take care of me and Shoyo. You could be going on dates whenever you can with Tanaka-nii and you wouldn't have to be waiting at the therapist office for us. Shoyo wouldn't have to be tied down with me if I hadn't pushed him on the bus. Mother wouldn't have left us either." Kei blubbers and hiccups. "Kei. That's not true. That's not true at all. I want to be here with you. You're my brother Kei. I would never think of you as a burden in my life. I love you okay. I love you. That's never going to change and I'm always going to be by your side. Everything I do for you is because I love you. I can't say anything when it comes to Shoyo but I think he loves you too." Akiteru looks away from Kei because he doesn't want his brother to see him cry and he wipes his brother's tears absentmindedly away. "What about mother?" Kei sounds broken and Akiteru closes his eyes and tears roll down. "Mother didn't leave because of you Kei. She left on her own accord because she needed to find herself." Kei muffles his crying in the pillow and Akiteru wipes his own tears. "I miss mom so much." Kei hugs his plush and in return Akiteru continues to play with his hair. "I miss her too." 

**_'One tries to fly away…'_ **

Kageyama, not to say the least, has been worried about Yamaguchi. The whole week he had a mix of butterflies and moths in his stomach that he was hoping Yamaguchi would help him with but he was nowhere to be found. He asked most of Yamaguchi's classmates about him but most don't keep in close contact with Yamaguchi and most of his classmates were mostly terrified of Kageyama when he approached them. Kageyama wouldn't dare ask Tsukishima who's been giving him scary vibes, not that he's scared of Tsukishima it's just he knows better than to bother Tsukishima when he's in that mood. He's spent most of the week sending text messages to him but getting no result. Would it seem like he's crossing the boundaries if he went to Yamaguchi's house without being invited? What if he's gravely sick? What if he doesn't want Kageyama there? His date with Hinata has him nervous but the fact that Yamaguchi hasn't been answering his phone and absent has him filled with dread. What if he wasn't being a good enough friend to Yamaguchi? Was he supposed to visit him every day after practice? Was he supposed to bring him food or was he supposed to bring him gifts? Kageyama is still a bit inexperienced in this friendship thing so he does what he usually does when he's clueless about everything. He goes on the internet. 

After Tsukishima left his house and he sobbed the night away he made a decision about himself. A small one. Well actually a terrible one. Specifically a terrible decision with his hair. Who can blame Yamaguchi? He was angry. He was tired. He was beyond a point that he got some scissors and chopped his long hair off. Now he looks like an idiot and refuses to leave his room. How is he supposed to go to school on Monday looking like a hideous baby? He thought he was being symbolic by cutting his hair and now it honestly made things worse for him. His parents were of no help either, in fact they laughed their asses off, and he slammed the door of his room on their faces because they're assholes. He huffs and goes back under the covers at least he made progress today with cleaning his room and taking a shower. He still doesn't want to do homework especially since Tsukishima was the one who dropped them off. He sighs to himself, he went too far yesterday, but Tsukishima went far too, and Yamaguchi can't just apologize or forgive him. 

Kageyama knocks at Yamaguchi's door, he has a bag of floppy fries which are Yamaguchi favorite food, and his other hand Lavender flowers meant for Hinata but he thinks that if Yams were really sick then he can have them since they're also Yamaguchi's favorite. Okay. Maybe he should have gone with things that Hinata likes but he was worried about Yamaguchi. It's fine. After this visit, he'll go and buy flowers for Hinata. He knocks again and when he doesn't hear a response he opens the door all he sees is the lump in the middle of the bed. "Yamaguchi-kun?" Kageyama quirks an eyebrow, he tilts his head, and he is confused. Yamaguchi quickly lifts himself surprised and stutters; he keeps the cover over his head to keep Kageyama from seeing. "Kageyama! What-what are you doing here?" Kageyama lifts up the bag and bluntly says "I was worried about you." Yamaguchi blushes and he's baffled. Isn't today his date with Hinata? Shouldn't he be heading over there now? Wow, he looks so handsome with his salmon buttoned shirt that doesn't really seem like Kageyama chose for himself, dark blue jeans that really accentuate his thighs, and his hair put to the side compared to Yamaguchi worn out green v-neck t-shirt and boxer. "I-uh-I-uh. Bleh. Thank you Kageyama-kun." Kageyama closes the door behind him, puts the food and flowers on the desk, he isn't sure what to do, and he feels awkward. "Kageyama, Don't you have a date with Hinata?" Yamaguchi tries not to sound bitter at the end but his argument with his childhood friend reels his ugly head. Kageyama responds "I wanted to see you since you weren't answering any of my texts or calls… I do have a date with Hinata but I was worried about you so I came here first. If that's okay? Unless I shouldn't have come at all without being invited or anything." Yamaguchi doesn't really know what comes over him but he jumps to hug Kageyama who falls over on the floor with Yams on top. 

Yamaguchi just hides his face on his chest and his heart soars. He tries not to cry on Kageyama's nicely buttoned shirt but it's inevitable because Kageyama came and he's overwhelmed. Kageyama holds him close to him unconsciously, he is still flabbergasted about what's going on, but he wants to support Yamaguchi. "Thank you. Thank you. Thank you." Yamaguchi laments in his chest. "Yamaguchi… I may not be the best person when it comes to being friends with anyone but I did say if you needed me I would try my best to help you." Kageyama's kind voice cuts through his crying and he hiccups because he wants to burst everything out. Kageyama brushes Yamaguchi's hair in his hands, he notices how uneven the hair is, and he says nothing of it. "Kageyama thank you. Thank you." Yamaguchi says gratefully. "I don't understand Yamaguchi-kun." Yamaguchi just lays his head on his chest and his tears roll down to his shirt. Kageyama still continues to be confused about what he did and brushes Yamaguchi's uneven hair. 

They lay there for a while until Yamaguchi sits up and is conscious of how he's only in boxers and a t-shirt, and his hair looks like a bee's nest with an uneven end. "Are you ready to talk? I may not give good advice but I'm good at listening." Yamaguchi nods and wipes his tears. He gets up to lay on the bed and he places the covers over himself. He makes space for Kageyama, who quickly adjusts himself next to Yamaguchi with practiced ease, and he momentarily forgets about Hinata. Kageyama focuses his attention on Yamaguchi. "Tsukishima came over yesterday." Kageyama tenses next to him. "He's been giving me very bad vibes lately." Yamaguchi lays his head on Kageyama's shoulder. "He's just an asshole. He came here yesterday and we argued about a lot of things." He keeps the topic of conversation to himself, he rather not let Kageyama know he was talking about him and Hinata, and he really wasn't in the mood for deep conversation. He just wants to be cuddled up to Kageyama, to be selfish, and keep Kageyama from leaving. "Did he hurt you anywhere?" Worry was all over Kageyama's voice and Yamaguchi only shakes his head. "No. We just argued. He slammed his hand on my wall and I threw everything off my desk. We said some stuff to each other and Tsukishima was the one who left first for once." Yamaguchi eyes Kageyama's face, he loves looking at it from up close, and he loves the soft expression Kageyama makes. "Why didn't you answer any of my texts? Or why didn't you come to school last week?" Yamaguchi soft sighs onto Kageyama's neck whose body covers itself in goosebumps. "I was… can I trust you Kageyama?" Yamaguchi is unsure of himself whether to tell Kageyama that he fell into hole filled with depression and self-hatred but Kageyama's eager nod allows him to trust him. "It was the thing you said on Tuesday about how you weren't a quitter." Yamaguchi says quietly and Kageyama looks at him guiltily. "I'm sorry… I'm sorry. I didn't mean…" Yamaguchi cuts him off "it's alright. I forgive you Kageyama. What you said needed to be said and it wasn't only just you. A lot of things just came down on me that I just didn't want to leave home." Kageyama fiddles with his shirt. "I'm still sorry. I didn't visit you sooner." Yamaguchi softly smiles and he lifts Kageyama's hand laying a kiss on it. "What matters is that you're here now and if you hadn't said anything before. The argument that Tsukishima and I had never would have happened.. Everything that needed to happen, happened, and that's okay." Kageyama's cheeks are rosy and he still doesn't understand what Yamaguchi means. He feels his hand tingling from the kiss he received. "Without the argument I wouldn't have cut my hair into this disastrous mess." Yamaguchi huffs way too close to Kageyama's ears and Kageyama separates from him overwhelmed. It's the first time he's ever felt this way and he sits up. "I can fix your hair for you. I may not have my sisters skill but I can even it out." Yamaguchi bites his lip sensing he did something wrong but nods when Kageyama offers a chance to fix his hair. 

Sitting in the bathroom with a towel over his shirt and Kageyama with a pair of scissors behind should seem frightening but there's a certain confidence that he holds that has Yamaguchi relaxing in the seat. Maybe it's because he trusts Kageyama with him. It's also because he can say he is in love with Kageyama that it's easier to accept this sort of intimacy they brought upon themselves. Kageyama is calm and precise just as he always is when he is in the court, he corrects the ends of Yamaguchi's hair, and shortens his hairstyle. Yamaguchi knows that he's going to miss his old hairstyle but change needs to happen for him to be able to move on. He has tears rolling down his face and Kageyama stops all of his movements to look at Yamaguchi teary eyed face. "Did I do something wrong?" Kageyama nervousness shows in his voice. "No.. It's nothing just got emotional is all." He gives him a small reassuring smile. "Continue please?" Kageyama shakes his head yes and concentrates again on evening out Yamaguchi's hair. His close attention on Yamaguchi leaves him forgetting the vibrating phone in the bedroom. 

Kageyama smiles to himself, proud of the work he did on Yamaguchi, and Yamaguchi giggles excited touching his hair. "Thank you Kageyama-kun." He smiles at him and he hugs him in his exhilaration with his new hairstyle. Kageyama unsure of what to do places both of his arms around his waist and places the scissors to the side. The smile that Yamaguchi radiates towards him has Kageyama all dazzled and fuzzy. His cheeks are warm from how content Yamaguchi is. In Yamaguchi's elation, he leans in his tiptoes to kiss Kageyama's cheek, and yet what he didn't expect was Kageyama to turn to him. The soft pressing of lips together and the goosebumps that filled the both of them surprised them. Yamaguchi places his hand on Kageyama's cheek, maybe it's the greed in him that wants to deepen the kiss, and Kageyama tightening his arms around his waist but he slips his tongue into Kageyama's mouth which leads to quite a fiery exchange between them. It isn't until they stop to breathe because they seemed to forget how to use their nose and both their foreheads leaned in to each other trying to catch their breath that it dawns on Yamaguchi that this wasn't supposed to happen. Kageyama is supposed to be on a date with Hinata and yet when he feels Kageyama's breathing down on him. His hunger for Kageyama trumps whatever pity he has for Hinata as he leans in again to kiss Kageyama this time cupping his face. He can deal with the consequences later. 

**_'And the other…'_ **

Hinata takes in the scenery of the bus ride to the café as he sits there he remembers the times riding the bus to the hospital. He had to keep the melancholy in so that his sister couldn't see what was truly happening at the time. Hinata never wanted his sister to suffer, all he wanted to do was take care of her, and yet he failed in all aspects of being a brother. When he was pushed by Kei on the bus it was almost as if fate put them together and it's not that he's into the idea that fate puts thing into your hands but he's grateful for Akiteru and Kei. Looking out the window of the bus, he thinks that if Kei never appeared in his life, he probably wouldn't be living, or he would be more of an empty shell of a person. He tries not to let the pessimistic thoughts of the past get him down and he thinks of the optimistic memories of his sister and him on the bus or when Kei and him would spend it talking about meaningless things or when Natsu would regale Kei stories about the mean boys at her school and how she would beat them up. Shoyo still scolded her about putting herself in danger like that and Kei would snicker because who is Hinata to say about putting yourself in danger when he always seems to find the most powerful players in the bathroom. Kei's comment would then lead to a bickering that Natsu even had to tell them to be quiet. He especially loved the memories of when it was just Kei and him, Kei would give an earbuds to him, and say 'I think you'll like this song.' The music was mostly in English depite it he still enjoyed the melody that came along with it. Sometimes Kei would explain the meaning of the songs and why the writers of the music made the lyrics. There's something about listening to Kei talk about music that always made Shoyo in awe with him. It mostly had to do with the fact that Kei disliked Shoyo since the beginning and so it never led to them talking about their other interests. 

Hinata gets off the bus without a bleak thought and as he enters the café; he can't help but feel like he's being stared at maybe he was too relieved getting out of the bus. They're really just staring at him because of how pretty he looks but he doesn't know that. 'Kageyama isn't here yet huh? Maybe I should save us a seat.' Hinata thinks to himself as he finds a cozy spot near the window for two. He debates whether to send Kageyama a text sayings he's already there but he wouldn't want to annoy Kageyama so he sits there looking at volleyball plays as he waits. He watches the games and he checks the time, it's only been fifteen minutes, no biggie right? Hinata orders Kei's dozen of cupcakes, he knows he said three but Kei just looked so down yesterday, and he couldn't resist getting himself a croissant sandwich. He barely ate before he left so he thinks he deserves that much. 

An hour passes and Hinata wonders if there is something wrong with Kageyama. Maybe Kageyama was stopped by his parents and got grounded. No, that's not possible, Kageyama may be an idiot just like him, but he isn’t stupid enough to get himself grounded. Hinata sends a text, just a small one, and he sets his phone down again to watch another volleyball video. A pressure builds in his stomach and he tries not to think negatively. 

Two hours pass by and he starts to feel the familiar pain he gets in his stomach when he's nervous for a game. The napkins that were on the table were scrunched up and he texts Kageyama again. He leaves him a voicemail. "Hey Bakayama where are you? I've been here for three hours now. Are you alright? Did something happen? Call me back." He hangs up voicemail. 

Another two hours pass by and all he can feel now are the familiar stares of pity. The waitress even starts giving him free cookies once every fifteen minutes. His stomach twist excruciatingly, his hands trembles when he messages Kageyama one last time, and he tries not to cry. He doesn't understand why Kageyama would do this to him. He takes a bite of the cookie but he can't seem to be able to hold it down. He picks up everything from the table and the cupcakes for Kei. He leaves as quickly as possible, he frantically walks, he tries his best not to bump into anyone, and he is already going out of breath. He makes it to the hill overlooking the canal, he slides down or maybe he trips, he doesn't know, and he is crying. He curls up in a fetal position, he feels the grass digging into him, and he feels as though the grass dragging him down into limbo. He's only able to send one last simple text: Help.

  
  
  
  
  
  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I leave this chapter with everyone having mixed feeling. Also do you guys think I should make a table of content list with all the supposed chapters coming up with a song list? Give me your opinions and comments. I do love reading them and I try my best to reply on the same day or the day I publish my chapters. 
> 
> -Next Chapter 10 - Talking to the Moon/First Burn  
> The previous chapter notes have the summary


	10. Author's Recap -

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hands Author's Recap
> 
> Hi everyone, I'm so glad that everyone has enjoyed my story so far, and that's been a great motivation for me. Unfortunately, I have gotten really busy with a new job and getting allergic reactions to things I didn't even know I was allergic to so yeah trying not to die here but I know you all are waiting for the next chapter and guess what? I will not keep you hanging because I am currently about to finish chapter 10 with a new chapter name that will be revealed later. I also have a lot in store for all of you and a few surprises along the way that I know you all will love. Hopefully those surprises will come in soon :) Below you will find a recap and character list introduced in the story so far:
> 
> PS: I have a twitter account. You can go ahead and yell at me here: https://twitter.com/AislingShay?s=09 . I will be showcasing most of the surprises for all you guys who have been patiently waiting for the next chapter as well as the dates for all my chapters for this fic and my other fics. Unfortunately I only do rarepairs so if you're looking for mainstream I'm sorry. I have nothing against them. I love those ships too but I have my top ships which are TsukiHina, YamaYama, OiSuga (which I will be creating a new fic called "Just Take This Chance To Fly" not sure when I will drop this fic but hopefully soon). If you're also interested in me translating the fanfic in Spanish, just go ahead, and yell at me. I don't mind.

Recap:

Previously on Hands, Kageyama still remains oblivious over the reason why Hinata and Tsukishima are close. Tsukishima and Hinata still are mourning their mothers but Hinata is taking it worse as he lost his sister as well making Tsukishima feel worthless. Kageyama finally realizes that being in love with Hinata was his issue with the help of Yamaguchi and he asks Hinata out on a date since Tsukishima pushed him to ask him out unintentionally. This leaves Yamaguchi betrayed by his best friend and heartbroken while Hinata panics about whether he would be able to feel normal with Kageyama which Tsukishima reassures him that everything will be alright. In the meantime Akiteru, had an altercation with Hinata's father, and is now living comfortably in the Hinata household taking care of his brother and Shoyo. On the day of the KageHina date, Kageyama decided to visit Yamaguchi because he was worried about his friend, and they both talked about what happened. Kageyama ends up helping Yamaguchi by cutting his hair and Yamaguchi takes drastic measures and kisses Kageyama deeply. While YamaYama have their moment, Tsukishima unfortunately can't let go of Yamaguchi's words and he hates the idea of Kageyama and Hinata dating, and he speaks to Akiteru minimally about it but they both end up crying because Akiteru loves his brother to death. Hinata makes it to his date and he feels anxious about the fact Kageyama had yet to arrive after a while he feels himself on the verge of having a panic attack and he leaves the cafe finding a hill and sending a last ominous message of "Help." 

Characters Introduced So Far: 

Tobio Kageyama: one of the main characters who is just a very confused boy who sucks at feelings. He is currently in love with Hinata but has started to have conflicted feelings for Yamaguchi. He lost his grandfather during junior high and was bullied in his junior years. He is afraid of losing his friends and his newly accomplished teammates because he's never had any form of friends in the past. He is known for being possessive and obsessive. He is one of Yamaguchi's best friend and current love interest. He is in a stalemate with Tsukishima. He is best friends with Hinata and is currently so what Yamaguchi told him is in love with him. 

Tadashi Yamaguchi: another main character he is in love with Kageyama and was/is best-friends with Tsukishima. He was in love with Tsukishima in junior high but was rejected by Tsukishima due to him not being able to love him like he wanted him too. The current moment he has made a few life-changing decisions that will be the cause of a lot of drama. His relationship with Tsukishima is not at it's best standing and he is jealous of Hinata for taking his place by Tsukishima side and as well as having Kageyama be in love with him. 

Kei Tsukishima: the third main character who is struggling with the loss of his mom and his developing feelings for Hinata. He has a rocky relationship with his mother who has neglected him and paid more attention to Akiteru. He was/is Yamaguchi's best friend but they are currently broken up due to a disagreement they both had. He is filled with a lot of regret and at times doesn't make the right decision.

Shoyo Hinata: Fourth main character in the story who is also struggling with the loss of his mother and the loss of his sister's presence. He is still confused about his feelings for Kageyama and cares deeply about Tsukishima. He begins to rely a lot on Akiteru and Tsukishima company and at times seeks their opinion on things. He is also someone who is intuitive about other people's feeling and takes into account other people over himself. He dislikes his father even though he says he holds no grudge against him. He took care of his sister all of his life and had a great relationship with her till his father took her away. 

Akiteru: Kei's older brother who has taken it upon himself to take care of both Hinata and Tsukishima over grieving the loss of his step-mom. He is currently dating Saeko Tanaka and relies on her when things don't go his way. He is shown to care a lot about Shoyo because he sees himself in him which is why he decides to become his guardian. 

Saeko: Briefly mentioned and will become a more structured character in the next few chapters coming up. She is Akiteru's girlfriend who gives Akiteru advice when needed. 

Yachi: She is the one who pushes Yamaguchi to fight for Kageyama. She is currently dating Nishinoya. (Subject to change since I might edit) 

Natsu: Hinata's younger sister who Hinata has raised all of his life who is now living with her father. She has a strong relationship with Shoyo. 

Ayame Tsukishima: The Tsukishima brothers biological mother, she is briefly spoken about but in overview it has not been her first time losing her life partner. She lost Kei and Akiteru bio father before meeting her new wife who has yet to be named who is currently deceased. She is a very famous lawyer in this alternative universe and is mentioned by Kei that she relies heavily on his brother Akiteru. 

Sayuri Hinata: The Hinata siblings biological mother, her current illness is unknown, and has recently deceased. She has a bit of a mysterious past and has been keeping certain things from Shoyo. She is ultimately the one who made the decision to send Natsu away and is the one who raised Shoyo to take care of his sister.

Hinata's Dad: Yet to be named individual and has had a few physical confrontations with Shoyo. He has also had an argument with Akiteru and is the current caretaker to Natsu after the death of Sayuri Hinata. He lives in Tokyo.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Next Chapter 10 - 02/17/2021
> 
> Drama Awaits


	11. In My Blood - Akiteru Begins

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> In My Blood by Shawn Mendes
> 
> Wow! What a long time to update but don't worry everyone I will promise not to take this long to update again! It's just life got in the way of me writing but anyways here I am!! I have a surprise for you all at the bottom of this chapter and that is a commission I got done by an amazing artist named Petucia. 
> 
> [ @petuciamesmo ](https://twitter.com/petuciamesmo?s=20)
> 
> Please follow them, their art is amazing, and this is one of the first commissions I got for my fanfic.
> 
> I have more surprise commissions along the way, if it weren't for all the amazing comments I've gotten from all of you, I never would have finished which is why I got these commissions done for all of you. If anyone would like a scene to be created don't hesitate to ask me! Don't be afraid to dm me on Twitter either!! I may be at works sometimes but I will try my best to answer :D  
> [ @AislingShay ](https://twitter.com/AislingShay)

Chapter 10 - In My Blood - Akiteru Begins

Fear coursed throughout Akiteru's body as he sped through the streets of Japan. It only took him five minutes to get down the mountains in his car when typically it was a 20-minute drive without traffic. Kei sat beside him looking out the window of the car and gripping at the car handle like his life depended on it. There is a thick heavy air of guilt surrounding the both of them for not responding to Shoyo fast enough. They had both fallen asleep after their conversation on the couch and the only reason they were even awakened was from the shrill sound of his cell going off to the song of Psycho. When he answered the phone in such a sleepy tone, he was expecting his loving girlfriend on the other line, not the loud and boisterous younger brother who is screaming in his ear about his kohai being found wet from his own sweat and unconscious, and that's when he finally woke up. He woke up close to eight-o-clock at night and the moon shining brightly upon the two brothers. They panicked as the text Hinata sent was just a mere two hours ago and god knows how long Hinata has been alone.

Akiteru takes a glance at his brother as they arrive at the front of the Tanaka household. He feels the waves of guilt roll down his brother and it's as if he was in the middle of the ocean trying to keep his head above water but the wave keeps pulling him under. He places a reassuring hand on Kei's knees, he hopes it's able to ease the trembling in his brother, and transfer the weight of guilt into him. "He's going to be okay." He speaks softly allowing Kei some time to process his words when he finally does Kei takes his hand in squeezing it. He nods in acknowledgment and they give each other a few minutes before they get out of the car. When they knock at the door the person who answers surprisingly is Kiyoko who looks over the both of them before letting them through. Akiteru can see the questions running in her mind but at this moment he is in no mood to answer any of them and quickly makes his way to the guest room.

Saeko wipes the sweat off of Shoyo's brow and places the towel on his forehead. "Don't worry Ryu. He's going to be okay." She says in a hushed tone as she tries to comfort her brother on the verge of his own tears. "We're just lucky Shimizu-chan found him by chance." She also says as she walks to Ryu and hugs him close to her. The sound of heavy footsteps tells her that Akiteru and Kei have arrived. She gives her brother a long kiss on the forehead "Go check on Shimizu. She must still be in shock" Tanaka nods and leaves the guest room passing the two brothers who rushed in to see the sleeping Hinata.

Kei is the first to slide next to Shoyo's side and he takes the smaller hand holding it in his trembling hands. He whispers soft apologies as he takes the hand to his face and he closes his eyes feeling the warmth emitting from Shoyo. "Where was he when Tanaka-senpai found him?" His voice wobbles even as he focuses mostly on the sleeping ginger on the bed. Even as Saeko answers his question, his mind is elsewhere and planning how he is going to kill the King.

Akiteru watches his brother move along towards Shoyo while he gives his girlfriend a soft kiss and a hug. "Thank you, Saeko... I. Thank you. Thank you for taking care of him and.." Saeko silences him with her finger and holds his cheeks. She answers Kei's question and doesn't ask about the way his voice sounds. "Ryu didn't find him. It was Kiyoko-chan who did. She was on her way home from work when she stumbled upon Hinata by the river. She thought he was sleeping at first but Kiyoko is a smart girl and saw Hinata trembling. She thinks Hinata was in that state for a good twenty minutes and when she reached him. The attack ended but returned a good ten minutes later that one lasted from what she timed thirteen to fourteen minutes. He's completely drained from them. She called Ryu once the attack was over and Ryu called me and we took him home. We think he peed himself during his attack so Ryu helped him shower and put him some of his clothes. Then we set him up in here, he started having nightmares, and we didn't really think to call you sooner dear so I apologize for that." She gives Akiteru a soft kiss and a small smile. "I'll leave you three alone for now. If you need anything we will be right outside alright?" Akiteru nods and whispers again "Thank you. Really thank you Saeko. I don't know what I would do without you. You've been such an angel and... I love you so much you know that?" He leans his head on hers and she softly whispers back to him "Akiteru love, you know I love you right? I would do anything to help you." She kisses him on his lips again and separates from him to give the three the necessary space they need.

Akiteru sits at the edge of the bed, looking at the scene between Kei and Shoyo, and it's obvious to him his brother is angry but mostly wanting to cry from an overwhelming amount of remorse for forcing Shoyo to go on that date. "Kei. We don't know what happened yet.. when Shoyo wakes up we'll ask him if he isn't comfortable talking then we leave it at that. We shouldn't force him alright?" He tries to sound as gentle as possible but even he is reeling in anger and curiosity of what happened. "How can you be so calm about this?" Kei doesn't even bother to look at him as he squeezes Hinatas' hand. "I just know that getting angry won't do anything to help Shoyo. We need to stay calm and make sure he's as comfortable as possible. We should be happy that he is safe Kei." Kei glares at him and yells "Safe.. safe. What if Kiyoko-senpai never saw him? What if we never woke up? What if he never woke up and came home? What if he got sick? What if he was kidnapped!" Akiteru cuts through all of Kei's questions with a simple response "but he wasn't and we should be grateful he is safe and sound. Thinking about all the what-ifs isn't going to help you or Shoyo. Now let's calm down and get ready to take him home." Akiteru lifts himself to sit closer to Kei, he cups Kei's face and gently says "He's going to be alright Kei. That's why he has us alright? We're family now and Shoyo will never feel alone as long as we are here." The corner of Kei's eyes prickle with tears and he looks away. "Now let's get ready to go home. We've already intruded for too long and I think Sho-kun would appreciate being home with you." Akiteru gets up and gives Kei a soft pat on the head while he grabs Hinata's clothes.

Kei lifts as well and prepares himself to carry Shoyo bridal style to the car. Akiteru leaves the room and heads to his girlfriend's living room where he finds her sitting at the table going over paperwork for her new business, noting that Tanaka and Kiyoko have left. "Saeko. Love. We'll be taking our leave now." Saeko looks up from the papers "Akiteru, we have space. You all could stay and I'm sure Ryu wouldn't mind staying over at Shimizu-chan place for you to have his room." Akiteru walks over to her and brushes the hair of her bangs away from her face softly. "I wouldn't mind that but... I think it's better we head home. Kei will be uncomfortable and I don't want to impose as much as I already have on you love." Saeko gave him a serious look and responded "Akiteru, you three would never be a burden on me. I want to help." He caresses her cheek with his thumb and she reaches with her hand to hold his; she lays a kiss softly. "I know love but right now being at home is the best for Kei and Shoyo." She still gives him a bit of a displeased look but sighs knowing that arguing with him wouldn't garner good results instead she mumbles into his hands. "I missed you." Akiteru's breath hitches and dull pain in his chest appears knowing he hasn't exactly given his girlfriend the time the last few months as he's been busy with his mother, Kei, and Shoyo. "I... I miss you too. I'm sorry I.." He's cut off by the pointed glare given to him by Saeko. "Akiteru I understand and I already told you I was willing to wait for you and do what I can to support you." She takes a small pause to give his hand another soft kiss ignoring the calluses formed through the years of playing volleyball. "What you're going through.. what Kei-kun and Sho-kun are going through it's not easy.. I'm not expecting you to overcome the burden of the world all in one day. It's all a step at a time." Akiteru takes a breath to keep from letting his tears spill out from him and gives her a shaky smile. "Thank you. I promise when I can I'll spend more time with you." He leans down finally to lay one soft kiss for her. There's no hunger for more just soft and loving support that the two of them have for each other. Akiteru every day thanks to the fates that he was able to meet and date this outstanding woman. He briefly remembers the day Saeko and he started dating.

_It had all started after Karasuno won the Shiratorizawa match, all the adults went out for drinks to celebrate the victory, and Akiteru was seated next to fierce and prideful Saeko. He watched her drown drink after drink non-stop, he was intimidated by her, to say the least, the woman looked like she's ready to fight a war, and especially after her mood turned sour after the sixth drink of beer. "Mmm if only I brought my taiko drums!" She yelled and slammed her beer to the table which startled the few other adults who were in the same state inebriation. Akiteru was merely on his second beer considering he is sleeping at his mother's house and didn't want to burden his brother with his drunk self after going through a five-set game. All of a sudden, his back was slapped, and he almost choked on the sip he was taking. "That little bro of yours is pretty tough! That block from that Ushi? Mushi? Tushi? Ushiwaja? Ushiwaka monster was really cool!" Saeko takes another drink of her beer and smiles up at him with a slight show of her breasts to him. He blushes and looks away, he taps at his glass and smiles as well "Yes. Kei he's a strong kid. He's tough on the outside but soft on the inside once you overlook the walls." He mumbles the end to himself but Saeko still looks at him as if trying to read him. He takes his jacket off and places it over Saeko. "Go on a date with me." He spits his drink out "Nani!? Tanaka-chan I think you've had a little too much to drink." Saeko glares at him with a pout "I'm serious. Go on a date with me!" She says it loud enough for the whole restaurant to hear and he's embarrassed yet flattered that such a strong independent woman asked him out. A coward. "Okay. Okay. I'll go on a date with you. Though I doubt you'll remember you asked me." She slaps him on the back before taking a larger gulp of her drink. "You think a few drinks will make me forget this! Impossible." Akiteru smiles and takes his own sip of beer hoping she doesn't forget which she didn't since two days later she sent him a text setting up their first date which is a story for another time._

Kei carries Shoyo back to the car in quiet steps, he passes the intimate scene between his brother and Saeko, and his mind is running a mile a minute with all of these well-thought-out plans of ruining Kageyama. He opens the car for himself and Shoyo, struggling with one arm as he adjusts Shoyo to be leaning onto him, and he buckles both of them. He hears a small mumble for Shoyo, he feels the tremors running through Shoyo's body, and holds him tighter. He hates how much of a toll the panic attacks put on Shoyo's mental and physical state. He whispers to Shoyo and mostly to himself "I promise I'll never let anyone hurt you again. I will destroy anyone who tries to hurt you. You're my family now." He strokes Shoyo's hair, leans down to place a gentle kiss on Shoyo's forehead, and then bundles the Shoyo close to him.

Akiteru enters the car to see his brother all over Shoyo. He doesn't blame Kei for his overprotective nature, his fear of losing someone important to him has affected him greatly, and the level of dependency that Kei has on Shoyo is great. He starts the car and begins his steady climb up the mountain. He looks back often using the rearview mirror and notices Kei as well falling asleep. He softly smiles and lets out a soft exhale. He never would have guessed a few months back that this would be his family now. How this would be his life now.

He was in the middle of his afternoon class when he felt his phone vibrating in his pocket repetitively. The teacher glared at him and multiple of his classmates as well gave him displeased glances for disrupting class. He walked out of class just to be bombarded by the news of his step-mom accident, he felt his knees buckle from the shock of it all, and quickly rushed back into the classroom to grab his things. He barely uttered an apology as he made his way to his car once entering he let out a heart-wrenching sound that closely resembled a 'No.' He slammed his hands on the steering wheel in anger letting out all of his frustrations and yells. "No! No! No! This can't be happening! This just can't damn it!" Akiteru has tears in his eyes as he yells "why! Why! Why!" At the moment he doesn't care if he looks like a lunatic in his car as he lets out all of his despair. He just lets out hoarse yells and screams before taking a long and deep breath. His fingers tremble as they dig into the steering wheel with his knuckles white from the heavy grip he has. He takes a long calming breath before he finally collects himself so that he can be the strong and dutiful first son.

Arriving at the hospital felt surreal, the rush of everything as he finally meets his mother who is frazzled and red-eyed, and he hugs her tight. He waits with her in the lobby and he realizes Kei isn't there. "Kei. Have you told him yet?" Akiteru says quietly mindful of the other people and his mother looks at him oddly before an 'o' forms in her lips. "I haven't. I was hoping you would." Akiteru's lips form a thin line, he never understood why his mother generally avoided Kei or was terrible in general at giving Kei any form of affection or attention, and he let out a sigh. "Okay. I'll call him." Akiteru separates himself from his mother to call Kei, who doesn't answer the first few tries, and Akiteru realizes that Kei must still be in volleyball practice. He gives the calls a rest as he wants his brother to have a little bit of normalcy for the rest of the day before hell takes over.

He hugs Kei tight when he arrives at the hospital looking the same as their mother, he lets out a small sob as he holds his brother close, and he hates this already. They both wait for their step-mother's surgery to finish before the doctor calls them into the office. When Kei was kicked out of the office, needless to say, he was slightly angry, but he understood why it was needed. "There's only so much we can do while your wife is on life support. The more time she spends on it the less likely she'll wake up and the harder it will be for recovery if she wakes up which is a very low chance ma'am." The doctor speaks in a saddened tone that is practically laced in sympathy and Ayame Tsukishima's mother responds by squeezing Akiteru's arm. "What do you recommend doctor.. how long should we give my wife.." she asks her voice showcasing all of her pain. "I recommend two weeks on life support. If she still hasn't-" Akiteru interrupts and slightly shrugs his mother off. "Give her two months. I believe Kei. He says she's a fighter and so I believe him." The doctor forms a displeased look in his place but quickly replaces it with a neutral one "I understand that she is a fighter and you believe in your brother but prolonging the inevitable and giving your brother hope just to shatter it when she inevitably passes. Will you be there to pick up the pieces?" Akiteru confidently nods "Yes I will. I made a promise to myself that I will never disappoint my brother again." Ayame looks up at the doctor and adds on to what Akiteru says "if she doesn't wake up… then we will pull the plug." Tears roll down her face and Akiteru embraces his mother. The doctor tries his best not to sigh but he nods. "Two months it is."

In the two months in which they waited for Akiteru's step-mom to wake up, Ayame, unfortunately, led herself to drink every night or crying herself to sleep, and Akiteru would carry his mother home not wanting his younger brother to see the disaster that has become their mother. Which wasn't much use because at times his mother would cling to Kei in her drunken stupor till she finally slept through her drunkenness. He understands the pain his mother is going through, losing one lover in her lifetime was terrible, but now losing her second lover just a few years later. How cruel must fate be to attack his mother? What curse did she have that led her partners to their death? Who is looking down at his mother with an evil eye? Are the people she's convicted of before casting an evil spell on her? How is this justified? To take the one person who made her see the light in the darkness she shrouded herself in when she lost her husband. There were days where he would have to lay next to his mother who would sob herself to sleep on his shoulder, those days he couldn't sleep well, and he wondered how his brother is doing. He had asked Yamaguchi to keep an eye on him for him while he watched over his mother yet it turns out Yamaguchi always came back with nothing.

When he asked Hinata to take care of Kei, he was merely desperate at the time, and his mother wasn't faring well as she watched her lover slowly but surely reach Death's gate. It's a terrible feeling watching your mother who has overcome a war against grief only to have to fall again in the same habits of war except for this time she's digging the shovel closer to her own grave. Every night having to drag his mother out of the nearest bar and taking her home to watch her break becomes a routine that he tries to keep hidden from his brother. With every day that passes he feels himself with the heavyweight of his responsibilities of watching over his mother who is just as critical. He's scared he might lose his mother as well that he forgets that Kei is also suffering.

His hero is Saeko. The way she swoops in to keep him from falling off the ledge and light up the sky for him. It keeps him from pulling at his hair but there's an underlying level of remorse in him which is he hasn't been able to spend time with her. He voices it, his guilt about being a terrible boyfriend, and she should break up with him but she undoubtedly refuses. He still doesn't understand why she chose to be with him. Why did she choose to ask him on a date? What makes him so special? What does she see in him? When really he is nothing but a spineless man who barely knows what is going on with his brother and can barely control his mother. Yet she still tells him that she'll wait till he's ready as a matter of fact she was angry that he would even suggest breaking up over the phone.

"Why would you ever think that I would break up with you over something you can't control!" Saeko yells at him over the phone and it's the most they could do sometimes. She lets out a sigh before asking him softly "do you really want to break up? If that's what you want then we can end things here and now." Akiteru truthfully doesn't, he loves Saeko ever since their first date. He had fallen head over heels with her, and he had gone to more dates after that with her that made his heart soar. "I don't want to… I.. just.. how can you want to be with someone like me." Saeko replies to him "Someone like what? Someone who is grieving. What's wrong with being with someone who is struggling? What kind of a girlfriend would I be if I can't help my boyfriend through the pain he is going through. What kind of a heartless person would I be to leave someone I love alone in his darkest time. I promise you that I will be there for you through thick and thin because I know that you will be there for me too when I need you." There's a kindest like no other in the words uttered and Akiteru feels tears trickle down his face because he loves her too. "I love you so much. Thank you." He holds the phone close to him imagining as if he were hugging her. "We're going to get through this together." Saeko has never met Akiteru's mother or step-mother before but she knows how much love her boyfriend has for them and that's why she loves him too.

He was the one who told the doctor to finally pull the plug to end all of this torture it was supposed to be his mother who made the final decision but as they spoke in the doctor's office; he convinced her. He doesn't care if he was slapped by his drunk mother multiple times in her anger. He does it because it is the best option for all three of them. It was the hardest decision in his life, one he wishes he never has to do again, and he doesn't care if his mother yells at him meaningless words. He did it because he knew his mother never would have let go had he didn't and his brother would never be able to recover. His brother Kei doesn't know that he ended their step-mom misery. Saeko was there when it was time to take his step-mom off of life support and she held his hand as the tears overflowed even as his mother who was letting out all of her anger slapped him. She supported the difficult decision because it was the right thing to do.

He felt numb on the inside when he heard the heart monitor give its high-pitched scream and he squeezed Saeko's hand trying to contain the tears. When he looked over at Kei, there were no tears nor any hint of sadness, just a blank face of broken hope, and he wanted to reach out but the wails that came from his mother distracted him. She had latched onto Kei and Akiteru helped sign the final paperwork. That night Saeko stayed over, they planned the funeral as quickly and quietly as possible, and they started the plans on sending his mother to an adult grief camp. He also had to contact a lawyer for the charges that were pressed on the man who took their step-mother's life as well as an insurance agent over the cost of the bills of their step-mother's medical bills and the life insurance benefits. He did all of that over the course of the day, he couldn't think of himself, and yet with Saeko close to him, he felt as though he could hold off on the tears. That night he slept cuddled up to Saeko digging his face on her chest and he fell asleep to her hand rubbing his back.

They both woke up in the early morning and started preparing for the funeral. As tradition goes the wake began in mid-morning with a few of the family friends. Akiteru knew there weren't going to be many because there were only a few who supported his mother and stepmother's marriage. He recognized some of his mother's coworkers who offered their condolences and offering which he thanked. It was when his brother left the building that he grew worried, he couldn't leave his mother nor the guests that have come to say their condolences, and it made him antsy. He really didn't know what was going on through his brother's mind and he wonders if Kei found out that he made the decision to pull the plug. A tap on his shoulder from Saeko had him relieved of his duties to go look for Kei. "Thank you, Saeko." She only gave a small nod to him as she let Ayame take a hold of her.

The ginger hair of Hinata was not something he was expecting holding his sleeping brother who obviously looked like he went through hell. There was a tenderness to Hinata when he let Kei hold him as if he were his favorite dinosaur plush in the whole world. The funeral continued with sobs coming from both Kei and his mother which shattered his heart as he let his own tears flow. His hand tightened around Saeko's and he wonders if she's bruised from all the handholding. Once the funeral was done, he spoke with the funeral director with Saeko by his side who gave him a light press on his hand as a sign of comfort and was given the rest of the instructions for the cremation of the body and burial site. Typically after the wake was over the people in the funeral would head to the family's household to burn incense and eat but Akiteru refused to do that not wanting to put pressure on his mother and younger brother.

Hinata is an anomaly to him, the way he was able to calm his brother down was something to be jealous of and yet he wasn't. Since he knew Hinata had his back when it came to Kei he focused again on his mother. She was stubborn when he told her that he planned for her to go to a grief camp the week before the spring vacation. "I don't need to go back to that camp where they'll force me to sing kumbaya and paint!" She screams and Akiteru is equally frustrated "I'm trying to help you mom. Have you taken a look in the mirror lately? I can't stand seeing you like this." The tears came without warning as he looked at his mother whom he loved and she softened up seeing her own son's cheeks wet. "Akiteru please don't cry." She places a soft hand on his cheek "I don't want to lose you too mom." She closes her eyes, tears stinging, and she sighs. "Just for a week right?" Akiteru nods and hugs her tight.

He's glad that she is going to get the help she needs now all he has to focus on is his brother. When his mother left he felt a sort of relief like no other. His mother will be safe and sound at the camp and he won't have to worry about her not eating and her drinking. It was a short relief until a week after Kei ran away from him and the panic that settled in on the first day of Kei being nowhere to be found pained him. He called everyone in his chaos. He forgot about Hinata being one of the people closest to his brother. After talking to Saeko is when he noticed his brother gone, he remembered checking all of the rooms in the house and screaming Kei's name all over the house. He ran out of the house towards the school to check if Kei were there, the rational part of his mind would have told him that Kei was smart enough not to go to school if he were running away, and yet he still jumped the school fence to check all the classrooms and bathroom. He then ran to Sakanoshita Market his heart beating out of his chest and his lungs burning from the running but he kept moving thinking of all the possible places that his brother might be. He even went as far as their step-mother's burial site only to find no one there. He went back home hoping that his brother returned and as he ran inside; he couldn't feel his legs were cramped and unaccustomed to this amount of exercise. He just laid there, his lungs on fire, his heart beating out of his chest, his breath coming in short pants, and everywhere he was in pain. For the first time since he heard his step-mother's death, he screamed. He yelled and brought his hands to his hair pulling it tight. He just feels everything caving in on him and he wants to give up. He wants all of this to end already because of how useless he's been. He's let his teenage brother slip from his hands again. He's disappointed his brother yet again and this time the consequences are serious. His brother hates him so much that he left and it's his fault for not paying attention to him. Again he yells out his frustrations and this time he wails in his hands. He doesn't move an inch from where he's laying because he doesn't see the point of moving if no one is coming. He feels like giving up and never getting back up but he wonders what it is that pushes him to keep going.

The incessant vibration coming from his phone, has him reaching for it, and being greeted by his girlfriend. He can barely utter a word that can be understood by humankind, all he can do is blubber, and Saeko being the understandable woman stays on the line with him as he sobs because really it's all too much already. "Love, I'm not hanging up. I'm heading over there with a little bit of sake and we are going to watch a movie and cuddle alright?" Akiteru only snivels over the phone as he keeps the phone by his ear and he places a hand on his chest trying to calm his uneasiness. He lays there crying himself out over the death of his step-mother, his mother slowly falling into a pit of depression again, and his brother running away from home. "I'm a terrible brother aren't I?" He says out loud and he clenches his chest. "Kei ran away from home and I can't find him because I don't know anything about my brother. " He closes his eyes, he wants to leave, he wants to give up, and he can barely breathe from all the crying. "That's a lie and you know that Akiteru. Your brother loves you. He respects you. I've seen the way he admires you. I'm not blind dear. Our brothers may be different in personality but they are the same when it comes to love." Her voice echoes from the phone. There's a brief moment of silence between them, just the sound of cars passing by Saeko's van. Minutes pass, finally his breath evens out, and he reaches up to his face to wipe his own tears. "Yeah... You're right." Akiteru sounds defeated and a click on the phone means Saeko hung up. The familiar sound of her van locking and beeping has Akiteru finally stretching his legs but he makes no further effort to get up.

Saeko walks in only to see Akiteru still on the floor. She joins him laying her head on his shoulder. "Your brother is a smart kid. Even smarter than mine that's for sure. So he's going to be okay. He just needs time" she kisses his shoulder and lays her head there. He exhales from his nose and turns his head to kiss her forehead. They lay there for a bit before the question popped up in Saeko's mind "Have you tried calling chibi-chan?" Akiteru shakes his head and he feels like such an idiot. "No.. I haven't. I'm so stupid.. I don't have his number though." Saeko only chuckles lowly and grabs her phone "I'll send you his contact now. You did say Kei has grown attached to Ginger. He may be there right now." Akiteru tries to wrap his arms around Saeko but the hard floor makes it uncomfortable. "Why did you even want to date a guy like me? What do you even see in me?" Akiteru whispers in her hair and she only replies with a soft smile "I saw a man who loved their family to death. I saw a man who loves their brother so much. I saw a man that his own brother admired and respected. I saw a man who respects women. I saw a man whose blood tells him to never give up. I saw a man worth loving and letting him be a part of my family. That's what I saw." Akiteru almost bursts into tears and he kisses Saeko's face all over. He loves her so much. "How about we do what we promised. I'll send Hinata a text about my brother." He unwraps himself from her and slow stretches to get up. He offers his hand to her and she takes it. They both end up cuddling on the couch with Saeko brushing Akiteru's hair while he lays on her chest.

After Saeko's encouraging words, he was able to reach Hinata, and Hinata was able to reassure him. Once the week passed and he found himself in the Hinata household and moved into the household a week later. He realized that it isn't in his blood to give up so easily. Sure there are struggles but he can overcome them and he knows the path he's taken has so many stumbles as he has to take care of two boys who need all the help in the world. Hinata has become someone whom he treasures because he sees himself in him and the next two months with Hinata were a bit of trial and error and they worked through it.

His memories of how Shoyo, Kei, and himself worked through their issues in the last two months were interrupted by arriving back at their home. He looks back at his rearview mirror and he grins at the sight of his two boys sleeping safe and sound. The grin abruptly ends when he notices another car on the driveway and the familiar ginger hair waiting in the car. He glances back at the two boys and he decides yeah this is his family and he won't let this asshole hurt them. It's just in his blood to always want to protect the people he loves and he will do it at all costs even if he sacrifices himself. He's ready for the next roadblock.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter 12 - Tears Don't Fall by Bullet for My Valentine
> 
> Commission I had done by Petucia!  
> [ @petuciamesmo ](https://twitter.com/petuciamesmo/status/1362233084473729034?s=20)
> 
> Don't hesitate to dm me if you want to talk or would like me to translate to Spanish. :D [ @AislingShay ](https://twitter.com/AislingShay)


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